Forgiving Yourself

It´s a difficult thing to do, no doubt about it. We are strange creatures after all with some pretty screwed up beliefs and attitudes; this tendency we have for refusing to forgive ourselves is one of the prime examples. When we fail to forgive ourselves, it´s like we put ourselves in prison – we can´t get out, the shame and the guilt keep us under lock and key and there seems to be no escape from Self-Forgiveness State Penitentiary. It´s like we´ve committed some terrible, unforgivable crime – we are criminals and we deserve to be punished. By ourselves.

Which is all well and good...to a degree. It´s important to acknowledge when we´ve done something “bad” - hurt someone, been dishonest, caused pain, acted foolishly etc. It´s important to face up to and take full responsibility for all the cringing feelings of shame, regret, remorse and guilt as they come up and, if possible, to try to do something to make amends or resolve the situation. Just because we´re prepared to forgive ourselves, doesn´t mean we have to forget the useful lessons we´ve learned through the experience.

We live in what the Taoists call “The World of the Ten Thousand Things” - a world of confusion, temptation, diversity, challenges, choices, and about another 7 billion people to contend with. Is it any wonder that now and again, it all gets a bit too much and we “act out of character” or do something we truly regret? I´d say, all things considered, it´s virtually impossible not to. We are all here, doing the best we can with the information available to us, making our choices from moment to moment and dealing with the consequences of those choices in the best way we can. When you are finding it hard to forgive yourself for something, you can be sure, as unlikely as it may seem at the time, that it has happened for a reason. You acted the way you did for a reason, the people affected were affected for a reason. You might not be able to see what that reason could possibly be – certainly not through the bars of your prison cell - but there are lessons here for everybody concerned. In the grand scheme of things, everything happens for a reason (even your perceived “f*ck ups) it´s up to you if you are going to turn that knowledge to your advantage, or keep on suffering and beating yourself up.

Try affirming “I now absolve myself of all feelings of guilt and shame”as often as you can. Look in a mirror, look into your eyes and say with feeling “I forgive you”. Sounds lame, but it´s actually very powerful, even if you do feel a bit silly at first – no-one needs to know if you do it in private, and I won´t tell a soul.

But, above everything else, remember this. No matter what we´ve done on the physical level, we are (every one of us) divine beings, perfect expressions of the Tao in human form.

And for that, there is absolutely nothing to forgive.