Monday 31 August 2009

Forgiving Yourself

It´s a difficult thing to do, no doubt about it. We are strange creatures after all with some pretty screwed up beliefs and attitudes; this tendency we have for refusing to forgive ourselves is one of the prime examples. When we fail to forgive ourselves, it´s like we put ourselves in prison – we can´t get out, the shame and the guilt keep us under lock and key and there seems to be no escape from Self-Forgiveness State Penitentiary. It´s like we´ve committed some terrible, unforgivable crime – we are criminals and we deserve to be punished. By ourselves.

Which is all well and good...to a degree. It´s important to acknowledge when we´ve done something “bad” - hurt someone, been dishonest, caused pain, acted foolishly etc. It´s important to face up to and take full responsibility for all the cringing feelings of shame, regret, remorse and guilt as they come up and, if possible, to try to do something to make amends or resolve the situation. Just because we´re prepared to forgive ourselves, doesn´t mean we have to forget the useful lessons we´ve learned through the experience.

We live in what the Taoists call “The World of the Ten Thousand Things” - a world of confusion, temptation, diversity, challenges, choices, and about another 7 billion people to contend with. Is it any wonder that now and again, it all gets a bit too much and we “act out of character” or do something we truly regret? I´d say, all things considered, it´s virtually impossible not to. We are all here, doing the best we can with the information available to us, making our choices from moment to moment and dealing with the consequences of those choices in the best way we can. When you are finding it hard to forgive yourself for something, you can be sure, as unlikely as it may seem at the time, that it has happened for a reason. You acted the way you did for a reason, the people affected were affected for a reason. You might not be able to see what that reason could possibly be – certainly not through the bars of your prison cell - but there are lessons here for everybody concerned. In the grand scheme of things, everything happens for a reason (even your perceived “f*ck ups) it´s up to you if you are going to turn that knowledge to your advantage, or keep on suffering and beating yourself up.

Try affirming “I now absolve myself of all feelings of guilt and shame”as often as you can. Look in a mirror, look into your eyes and say with feeling “I forgive you”. Sounds lame, but it´s actually very powerful, even if you do feel a bit silly at first – no-one needs to know if you do it in private, and I won´t tell a soul.

But, above everything else, remember this. No matter what we´ve done on the physical level, we are (every one of us) divine beings, perfect expressions of the Tao in human form.

And for that, there is absolutely nothing to forgive.

Friday 21 August 2009

The Tricky Business of Letting Go

What exactly is it about letting go that freaks us all out so much? Well, if you ask me, I reckon it's all to do with attachment. We get so attached to people, things, situations, positions, beliefs, opinions and so on that we actually believe we can't live without them. In effect, we believe that we are those things. And if we want to overcome our fear of letting go, then that's the first belief we absolutely have to let go of.

Try reminding yourself every day – as many times as you remember - “I am not my beliefs” for starters and once that new way of thinking has had time to register, you'll find the whole process much easier. This is not just wishful thinking, the fact that you are much more than your beliefs has the added bit of clout that it is, in fact, The Truth. Most of our beliefs, at the end of the day, are inherited. We learn them from our parents or carers, our teachers, our partners, friends, so-called “authority figures” or society as a whole. But as we journey through our lives, there are inevitably times when certain beliefs we once held dear no longer serve us in a positive way. To keep growing and developing, it is essential that we are able to let these outmoded beliefs & opinions go. There is nothing wrong with this – it is entirely natural, no matter what anyone else says and no matter what the outcome or changes this letting go may bring about. And you certainly don't need to be all uppity and superior about it, nor do you have to beat yourself up for once entertaining ideas that are no longer relevant in your life. You've outgrown them, that's all and you're perfectly within your rights to acknowledge that they've worked for you in the past, but to affirm that you now have a different way of being so you're releasing them gently and with love. It might all sound a bit namby-pamby and pointless, but try it – it's more powerful than you might expect.

Once that idea has had time to settle and become hardwired into your inner circuitry, it becomes clear that it can be applied to all aspects of your life. Of course, we all love certain people and hope to have them in our lives forever. We are proud of our positions in society, the money we've made, the things we've accumulated over the years – nice house, car, gadgets, holidays etc. But the simple fact is, nothing and no-one is guaranteed to be around for ever. Anything could happen – we've all seen it in our own lives and in the lives of those around us. Anything. And there's nothing we can do about it, except to change the way we look at it. Letting go of the fear and the dread is the first step; a close second is to make sure we take time every day to appreciate and give thanks for those people and things. Then if someone or something is suddenly taken from our lives, we can go through the whole grieving process – which is perfectly natural, essential in fact – safe in the knowledge that we will handle this.

The thing to remember is that everything happens for a reason. Even if you can't see it at the time. The Tao has it all under control and is working for your highest good all the time – fact - even if you can't for the life of you understand why. We've all had these situations – when we look back and say “wow, had it not been for that horrible thing happening, then this really good thing would never have happened” - haven't we? So, even though it's difficult to remember when you're in the midst of having to let something or someone go, why would you think that this time would be any different? The Tao will never let you down, and the more you can show your trust of it, by letting go with grace and gratitude, the easier the process and the more empowered you become. This doesn't make us hard-nosed, unfeeling so-and-sos, quite the opposite. When we start to trust in ourselves and in the grand scheme of things, it ultimately makes it easier for everybody concerned. Our decisions become more love-based and clear, in other words.

Everything changes – some things go, new things come in. It's life and it's wonderful.

However it appears initially, keep remembering, all change is good.

Monday 17 August 2009

Intuition Rocks!

Intuition is, without a doubt, one of the most blessed and powerful gifts we possess. The word itself suggests tuition from within. The problem is, of course, we're not very good at listening to things going on within, not when there's so much going on out there. There's just too much noise, too many voices, too many opinions, too many judgements, too many commitments, too many expectations, too many roles to fulfil, too many responsibilities, too many conflicts – just too much stuff going on in what the Taoists call the world of the ten thousand things. How can you possibly hear anything else above all that racket?

Well, intuition's trump card is that it is, as we've discussed, within you. It's closer to you than anyone can get, even if someone is right up to your ear, hollering for all they are worth, they cannot get as close to you as your intuition. So, it's not exactly a case of listening to your intuition, it's more a case of being less distracted by the outer noise. Once you allow the surface noise to fade, the voice of your intuition is all that's there. You can't fail to hear it.

Which is all well and good, but come on – allowing the surface noise to fade? Becoming less distracted? Pah! Surely that's impossible for anyone other than Yogis in caves or Monks in silent monasteries? And as I'm assuming today is not a day for you to up sticks and follow either of these lifestyles, you'll be relieved (I'm sure) to know that there are options here for us all if we, too, want to quieten down our world and become more tuned into our intuition.

As with most things, it's regularity that causes the magic here so start now and make sure to at least think about your intuition once a day for the rest of your life. It's easy, I promise and way more simple than you might expect – intuition has got a bit of bad press for being all complicated and elusive. It's not. It's there, it's on your side, telling you the truth the whole time. So when you next find yourself in a confusing situation and want to attune to your intuition for guidance as to the best way forward, get away from the noise and go somewhere quiet – the bathroom is always a good choice, how many moments of clarity and enlightenment have happened on toilets around the world? OK, let's not go there. Back to intuition. Breathe deeply into your belly and allow your whole body to relax. Close your eyes and try to move your attention backwards in your head, away from all the hustle going on in the front of your brain, and you'll experience a very subtle shift where everything suddenly goes quieter and calmer. (The more you do this, the easier it becomes until you can actually do it whilst chatting to someone or in full throttle of the day's activity. A neat trick). Then ask. Speak directly to your intuition and ask whatever it is you want to know. Chances are, you'll get a host of different answers springing into your head, but if you listen carefully, there will be one voice quieter than the rest, calmer and more soothing, and the answer it is giving you somehow feels totally right - even if it wasn't what you were expecting, somewhere in the depths of your being, you know it is right. These are very subtle, very gentle sensations but unmistakable. This is your intuition. And if you follow it, you won't go far wrong.

Start today – even if you have nothing you wish to consult your intuition about. If everything is smooth and flowing in your life right now, it's a good idea to start strengthening your connection with your intuition. Greet it, welcome it, assure it that you trust it and that you choose from this moment on to work with it as you appreciate it is only interested in your highest and greatest good. Every time you connect with it, even if just for a second or two, you will becoming more attuned to your intuition which is a sure-fire way of gaining clarity and guidance in all aspects of life.

And if you ask me, making friends with your intuition - that soft, gentle, little voice within – totally makes sense. Because let's face it, living in this dazzling, confusing & hectic world, we could use all the help we can get.

Tuesday 11 August 2009

All About Worrying

We all do it.

And when we're in the throes of it, the last thing we want to hear off well-meaning others is “don't worry”. Have you ever wondered why those very words only cause you to worry all the more?

Well, there is a reason, and it's this. Our subconscious mind is incapable of recognising negatives (hence why when using affirmations, it should only be positive, i.e. affirm what you do want rather than what you don't want) so what it hears and processes is simply “worry”. It's not that your subconscious mind is stupid, nor is it doing this to spite you, it's just the way it is; concerned only with doing and not with not doing. And once you understand that, you can really turn it to your advantage – your subconscious mind is on your side fully and absolutely, after all, it just needs you to know how to communicate with it, to let it know exactly what you want in its own language.

So when it comes to worrying, our patterns are usually something like – worry followed by various methods of denial (telling yourself not to worry, letting others tell you not to worry, blanking it out completely by getting off your face on drugs or alcohol, hiding under the duvet hoping it will all go away) followed by worry. There's no getting away from the worry if there is something worrying you. Fact. You might as well take it by the short & curlies and handle it sooner rather than later then you can preserve your precious energy for the good things in life. And the most effective and speedy way to accomplish this is to change the way you look at worrying, change the message you are sending to your subconscious mind.

It doesn't matter what the actually worry itself is, the best thing you can do for starters is to accept that you are worried – own the worry, take responsibility for it, fully face up to it. Then, if there is nothing you can do right now to alleviate the worry, no action you can take to stop it in its track, start to talk to your subconscious mind and to the Tao within you.

Try something like “I choose now to see the perfect solution to (state your worry). I trust everything will resolve itself miraculously and easily.”

Or whatever feels right to you – the important thing is to avoid “don'ts” and to focus on what you do want – a satisfactory outcome – even though you don't know how that will transpire, or perhaps even what it will be. It's the absolute belief, that unquestioning faith that the Tao will sort it all out that creates the magic.

Next comes the tough bit! Forget about it. Go about your day, being as positive as you can, but forget the worry. This is not a case of denial like we were talking about a few paragraphs back, this is in fact, taking responsibility. If you go along with trusting that simply because you have asked, the Tao will provide the perfect outcome for you and everyone concerned, then you go about your day continuing to worry about it, the pictures you are creating in your mind's eye will be...well...worrying! You may end up inadvertently creating the very thing you are worrying about, the very worst outcome simply by seeing it so in your mind's eye. Your subconscious cannot differentiate what you're visualising and imagining and dreading from what's really happening in your physical reality and will get to work on providing you with what it thinks you want. So, no mixed messages – if you ask for a positive outcome, it's your job to keep focusing on a positive outcome. Even if you can't see one, if your worry is just so huge that you don't know how it can possibly ever be resolved, simply imagine yourself at some point in the very near future, looking relieved and happy, thinking “wow, that was so easy. I could never have imagined it would have turned out so well.”

There will always be something to worry about – it's not always necessarily a bad thing – but as with all things in life, it's how you choose to handle it that matters. Do we turn it to our advantage and grow through it, or do we exhaust ourselves through excessive worry? It's our choice always, but one thing is for sure – if we worry, we might as well be praying for what we don't want.

'Nuff said!

Saturday 8 August 2009

Quantum leaps to help you handle life

There are two issues under discussion here; handling your life and quantum leaps. Put the two together and you're on to a sure-fire winner.

What exactly does it mean to handle your life? Well, I don't think there are two people on the planet whose interpretations would be the same, so subjective a topic it is, but the one thing we can say for certain is that if we don't handle life, then life handles us. If we allow life to handle us, then we become victims. And who wants that? To feel that you have absolutely no control over events, that stuff just happens and there's nothing you can do about it? It is in this very mind-set that perceived “bad” stuff happens, simply because that's what you expect and look out for every time you open your eyes in the morning. You can't handle your life because you're too busy dreading whatever life throws at you next and when it does, the only dubious consolation is that you can at least say you were right all along about what a bitch life really is.

Oddly enough, quantum leaps operate in much the same way – you have to just let go, sitback and let stuff happen. The difference here is that when you instigate a quantum leap, it is not done with a sense of trepidation or fear, and the awaiting of said quantum leap is not filled with apprehension and worry. When you trust the Tao enough to ask it to make a quantum leap to occur in any area of your life which might not be working as beautifully as you deserve, ONLY good can transpire. There is no other way it can be. The key is in the wording. It must be positive. Try something like:

I am now instigating a quantum leap which enables me to handle my life more easily, effectively, joyfully, lovingly and confidently.

And what is there to be afraid of in that? Yes, there is maybe an element of reservation – after all, you don't know exactly what's going to happen, you know it's going to be big - quantum-sized no less – and you're not the one controlling it, making it happen, which does take courage. But that shouldn't be confused with feeling timid and scared and dreading what might happen. This absolute trust and faith that the Tao will sort it out and that whatever happens, no matter how unexpected, it will be for your highest and greatest good, and for the greater good of everyone else concerned, is the humble courage of a true warrior.

With that degree of trust, even something as diverse, complicated and confusing as handling your life can be made straightforward and hey presto, before you know it, you've sat back and let it all happen so much that you are truly taking control.

You are handling your life! Enjoy!!

Thursday 6 August 2009

Accepting yourself

What is it that makes accepting ourselves so difficult? I mean, surely it should be the easiest thing in the world. What could there possibly be not to accept about ourselves?

LOADS OF STUFF!!! We've been raised and conditioned to take on board our so-called “authority figures'” - parents, teachers, religious leaders etc – beliefs, attitudes and behavioural patterns as our own. We inherit a plethora of rules and ways of doing things that are unquestioningly deemed to be “right” from people who, more often than not, inherited them themselves from their authority figures. And should we start to feel that any of these imposed ways of being does not suit us and stray away from the pre-determined path, guilt immediately ensues, we beat ourselves up mercilessly, all because we are not accepting ourselves.

But when you really think about it – what we're failing to accept is not really ourselves. What we've stopped accepting is the status quo. And that's scary for anyone, no matter how head-strong (in fact, usually the more head-strong someone appears, the more scared they really are). If we do things our own way, follow our own path and be ourselves, we think we run the risk of alienation. People won't like us any more. People might laugh at us. People might try to f*ck it all up for us. People might become our enemies and no-one will understand us. We'll be on our own.

And that is utter bullshit! It's your monkey-mind (the incessant chattering at the front of your head, keeping a running commentary of how it perceives everything to be) trying to protect you – which is very nice of it, but if accepting yourself is a key issue, it needs to be reigned in. It's likely to be making some sound points, but it's like a snowball – the more you let it roll, the bigger it gets until it totally drowns out the quiet, reassuring voice of your higher self, whispering to you from deep in the back of your mind. Your higher self accepts you fully and totally period. It doesn't need to work on it, like you do – it just does. So it's a powerful ally in your quest to accept yourself. Tune into it as often as you can and you'll be surprised at just how rapidly you can strengthen your connection to this gentle voice within simply by regularly affirming it to be so. It's the regularity that causes the magic here. Try something like “I now choose to listen to my higher self” every time you go to the loo or whenever you get a quiet few moments to yourself, then don't expect anything remarkable straight away (although you may experience an epiphany) but do be sensitive to subtle changes and sudden ideas that seem to pop into your mind. You may find old, outdated behavioural patterns that no longer serve any positive purpose in your life fade out; you might suddenly understand why you always react a certain way in certain situations; childhood memories and/or dreams might throw light on a part of yourself you're not accepting; or you may simply feel a wave of love and acceptance from your higher self, from the Tao within that knows you only as the perfect divine spark of love and light that you truly are.

And that's all that really matters at the end of the day. We could talk until we're blue in the face about the multitude of reasons we, as human beings, find it difficult to accept ourselves totally. But I'm so selfish. But I'm such a weak person. But I'm so lazy. But I always mess everything up. But I can never maintain a relationship. But I've done something so awful in the past. But I'm a fraud. But, but, but! There will always be some part of us we're not that happy with, something we're ashamed of, something we try to hide – human beings are complicated and the world of the ten thousand things is a complicated, confusing place to be! But by remembering that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, not the other way around, then we remember our true nature – and that takes no accepting at all.

It just is.

You are a perfect expression of the Tao in human form.

We all are. And that's all you need to know. Be happy!

Wednesday 5 August 2009

On Being a Karma Magnet


Let's face it, there are times in all of our lives when with the best will in the world, someone appears to be right royally taking the piss out of us. And that's not nice. It can cause a whole host of unwelcome negative feelings to spoil our day – uncertainty, confusion, disappointment, frustration, irritation, resentment and finally full-blown, out and out anger. You Bastard!! How dare you??!!


Now I don't know about you, but these are the very emotions that give me a headache and exhaust the hell out of me and I'm not over-keen on all of that, so I'm forever indebted to my wonderful, super-patient husband, Mike aka Von Hash, for sharing his insights when recently we found ourselves on the receiving end of some-one's audacious liberty taking.


“Maybe we're all karma magnets,” he said as I stomped about the house fuming about the nerve, I mean the NERVE of this person! Very soon though, the wisdom and the love behind this perception broke through the layers of negativity and it all began to make sense.


Karma magnets? Of course. We can never control other people's behaviour, nor should we want to, but we can accept that each and every situation we find ourselves confronted with is a perfect opportunity, not only to act with discretion, integrity, consideration and love ourselves, but also to give other people the opportunity to do the same. And what a great gift that is – giving someone the chance to learn and grow, to (without threats or any other kind of pressure) do the right thing and thus keep their karma in tact.


Give it a try next time someone seems to be taking you for a ride. Vent if you need to (I did and it helped), then spend a few quiet moments breathing deep into your abdomen and ask yourself if this is really all that important to you. Does it really matter? If it really absolutely does, then the fact that you've spent time calming yourself and looking at the situation with a bit more detachment, will in itself put you in a more empowered position when you confront the person, rather than just reacting emotionally and charging in all guns blazing straight away, and you will resolve everything with more dignity and strength than you might otherwise have hoped. But the chances are, your source of annoyance will show itself in its true watery colours, and you'll realise, hey, this doesn't really matter all that much after all. Is it going to kill or physically harm me or anyone I love? No? Well then, time to detach. And detach we must if we are to be karma magnets.


Letting it go is the key here. Send a blessing and peace to the person or people involved and get on with doing something fun. Marianne Williamson suggests praying to see the innocence of the person who has angered you and I've found this very effective. For instance, I learned that the guy who had annoyed me so much by taking something then not giving it back, lost his job soon afterwards. His home life, for various reasons, has become complicated and unhappy. Now, I say this with no sense of nah-nah-nahnah-nah, in fact, quite the opposite. With the karma magnet insight fuelling my mind now, I am able to see what a cheerless and sad life he has, and I actually feel deep empathy for him. But luckily for him, the karma magnet concept is still in play – Mike & I are in the background, still providing him with an opportunity to turn things around and do the right thing. If he does, if he returns what he took, then without a doubt he'll start attracting more good his way.


So, that's karma magnets in a nutshell. If you're faced with thoughtless or unscrupulous people, see yourself as their gateway to self-improvement. Give them the opportunity to do the right thing of their own free will. They might or they might not. They might rise to the challenge of becoming a better person, or they might not.


Either way, at least one person's karma will remained undamaged.

Tuesday 4 August 2009

If I consciously manifest abundance, doesn't that make me greedy?


We live in a world of scarcity – or so we would be led to believe. We've had this belief drummed into us from a very early age. There's not enough of anything. Money. Time. Food. Work. Fun. Love. Affection. Honesty. Happiness. Laughter. Holidays. Good programmes on the telly. Gold awards for good pupils. We learn this belief from our parents, who learned it from their parents, and from our teachers, who learned it from their teachers and so on. Is it any wonder that we have such problems wishing ourselves a life of plenty (which we all do, because we know we deserve it) with this as our hardwired, yet nothing more than inherited, belief structure.


And, to make matters worse, this very same belief process looks suspiciously at anybody daring to have 'enough' or, heaven forbid, 'more than' us and automatically dismisses them as greedy and grasping. So, you can see, straight away, there is a conflict here. We all want more, but we don't want the accusations or the disapproval or the rejections that 'more' will inevitably bring to our lives. So we stop ourselves. The vast majority of us stop ourselves and instead opt for a life of mediocrity and struggling.


Now, is it just me, or is that a shit way to live? Here's the truth of the matter. The universe is abundant. Our world, our planet, our lives are all part of the universe – we can't get away from it – so that means that we, too, are abundant. All we have to do to claim it, is to release ourselves from thought patterns and beliefs that aren't even ours anyway – we learned them from people who learned them from other people who learned them from god knows who – and they have no significance or truth in our lives today.


If there is something you would like to manifest in your life, be it money, love, success, happiness, good health, all you have to do is ask. Sit quietly and in whatever way feels the most appropriate and comfortable to you, ask. You are talking directly to the universe, the Tao, God, Angels – whatever term you care to use – and telling them what you want to manifest in your life. And the universe, Tao, God, Angels love it when we do that and here's why. We are meant to be abundant. We are all meant to live a life of abundance. Do you really think the Tao/God is such a miserable mother that it actually enjoys watching us suffer and make do? No. And you know why? Because it expresses itself through us – we are like its ambassadors on earth – so if we're miserable and suffering through being less than we truly are, the Tao is hardly going to be having a good gig, is it?


Try from today to change your thinking. It's OK to invest in manifesting. Just make sure you add the proviso that what you ask to manifest should only do so if it is truly for your own highest & greatest good, and the highest good of all concerned - that way, if you've got it wrong and it wouldn't be beneficial, you won't end up up the creek without a paddle. Plus it shows that you are open and willing for the Tao to scrap that and send you something even better. It's a win-win situation.


Remember, manifesting anything for your highest good is not only your birthright, it is your responsibility. The more you do it, and the more good you attract into your life - making you a more sparkling and vibrant, loving and generous person to boot - the more you might just inspire others to do the same. There's enough for all of us, otherwise we wouldn't all be here. And the more of us trusting this process and getting down with the whole manifesting for our highest goods – which can only be for the greater good of all – the less of us will be left looking on from our unfulfilled and unhappy lives, muttering about greed and unfairness.


Now, surely, that's a much more healthy and productive way for us all to live.


Or is it just me?


Monday 3 August 2009

Welcome!!

Hello, & the warmest of welcomes to my new blog. Quite mind-boggling starting to find my way around blog-land, but I'm looking forward to getting down to some serious (but probably not very!) blogging soon. In the meantime, beaming out love and Reiki from the beautiful, magical white isle. :)