Wheelie-Bin Cruelty

It´s an absolutely horrific news story – the one about the woman in the UK who deliberately chucked a cat into a wheelie-bin - and I´m guessing most of you will have read or heard about it by now, but for those of you who haven´t, here´s what happened.

A middle-aged woman is caught on CCTV petting a tabby cat, then glancing around to make sure no-one is watching before grabbing her by the scruff of the neck, dumping her into a wheelie-bin, then walking away. The cat, Lola, was trapped in the bin for almost 16 hours before her owners finally heard her calls for help and it was their own security camera that caught the woman in the act. They posted the clip on Facebook and the woman was subsequently identified and is now under investigation by the RSPCA. Not surprisingly, the story has caused uproar to the degree that the woman has been receiving death threats and had to be put under police protection.

Like most rational, caring human beings, I was shocked and appalled at such a callous act when I read the on-line news report & watched the clip, but it was the deluge of readers´comments that really affected me and got me to thinking. These comments ranged from absolute hatred towards the woman, Mary Bale, to incredulity that there could be such a hoo-haa over “just a cat” when there is so much suffering going on elsewhere in the world. So many different points of view, but the thing they all had in common was a tone of anger, aggression, and an insistence that they were right and anyone else thinking differently was clearly deranged. So, let me ask you...what good has any of this done? Absolutely none...a negative situation has just been made worse by negative energy being directed at it.

Now, I´m not trying to be all holier-than-thou here, and I confess that the first word out of my mouth when I read the story was “bitch” (well, OK then...that was the second, the first began with an f and ended in ing!) and I was upset, angered even by comments such as “so what? The only good animal is one that´s on my plate.” I love all animals and am a vegetarian, so of course, I´m not going to understand that way of thinking. But then I realised what I was doing...beaming out negative energy and thoughts and that, believe me, is the most dangerous thing we can do.

Let´s face it, it´s ignorance that caused Bale to behave the way she did and to then justify it by saying it just seemed like a fun thing to do and she expected the cat would have been able to get herself out, and it´s ignorance that causes certain people to see nothing wrong in such an act. But ignorance, by its very nature, is never going to listen to reason – it´s an ignorant son-of-a-bitch at the end of the day – so us getting all het-up and shouting at these people will only cause them to shout back louder.

I´m not saying that they shouldn´t be held accountable for their actions, or that they shouldn´t be encouraged to live their lives in a less destructive and harmful manner – and if we can play a part in that then all well and good - but me shouting my mouth off in Ibiza, calling them all the names under the sun, is simply not going to serve any positive purpose. And that is what I believe is the most important thing to focus on. Serving a positive purpose.

What I´m suggesting is that living on a planet with almost 7 billion other people, there is always going to be someone doing something that we personally find offensive, evil even. Some of these stories will make the papers and be brought to our attention, but most of them won´t. As spiritual beings of light who genuinely care for our planet, who are concerned only with working for the higher good, it is our responsibility to ensure that our thoughts and actions are always love-based, and that we are contributing and serving as much as we possibly can – that way, maybe the positive can start to outweigh the negative.

We do not need to be dragged down to the level of rottenness displayed by the likes of Mary Bane and her supporters. We do not need to let their clearly joyless and destructive lives affect our own. If, instead of retaliating in anger to such stories, we make it our business to ensure that we do at least one hugely positive act of service, then their negative act is cancelled out.

For my part, I have decided to use this event to catapult me into action. For a while now, I have had the sense that I was guided to do my Reiki attunements in order to heal animals, but never actually acted on it. Well, now I am setting the wheels in motion to offer hands-on healing to animals and pets on the island, and distance healing to those further afield. You see, Mary Bale, you treat one cat with cruelty, and I´ll heal hundreds more! Game, set and match Love & Light!

And I´m convinced that the more of us doing this - focusing on positivity - the more powerful it will become. Love is the highest energy there is and the more we concentrate our energies on that, the bigger the difference we can make.

Anyone with me??

:)

A Day with a Shaman

And I don´t know what the future is holding in store
I don´t know where I´m going, I´m not sure where I´ve been
There´s a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the living, I don´t need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender, live live without a care
Like a fish in the water, like a bird in the air
Sweet, sweet surrender, live, live without a care
Like a fish in the water, like a bird in the air.

“Sweet Surrender” by John Denver


OK, let me be honest here...the last thing I expected to encounter during a workshop with a Shaman was a tribute to the late John Denver. That said, there was very little about the magical day and the amazing Lilo Ccoyllor (Morningstar) that I could possibly ever have envisioned. This was truly a life-changing day for me, and I dare say, for all the other fifteen participants of the workshop which was organised by Toby and Belinda of Ibiza Reiki, and held in the breathtakingly beautiful Buddha Land, high on a hill near San Miguel in the north of Ibiza.

Originally from Switzerland, Lilo´s Shamanic path started in California, where she lived for twenty years while she was married. She had had visions of Peru since the seventies and in 1998, after her divorce, she took the plunge, sold up everything and moved there, giving birth to the Casa de la Serenidad (House of Serenity), a Spiritual and Shamanic Retreat in Cusco, Peru. She is an Eclectic healer, Shaman, Lightworker and Visionary, whose main intention is to open her heart to the higher levels of consciousness of love and light, and to encourage others to do the same.

The day started with a Shamanic Cleansing. Lilo poured Agua de Florida into each of our hands which has wonderful cleansing and grounding properties and smells lemony-fresh and divine! This was used to cleanse ourselves and our auras, then we offered it to the Earth by putting our hands on the ground for a few minutes. Smoke sticks were burning in a bowl as Lilo then came around each of us, as we stood in a circle, with a feather and rattle, whispering uplifting and loving words to us. This, believe me, is a great way to start any day, and perhaps it would be a good idea for us to write to our local M.P.s and suggest it as part of the national school curriculum!

One of the highlights of the day, for me, was the group meditation we did just before breaking for lunch. In it, Lilo took us on a journey to the centre of the Earth, spreading healing and love and light as we went. Mother Earth then offered us a gift, and we gave her one back – I intuitively felt I was given a feather which, yes, of course may well have “just” been my imagination. But later in the day, when we had a Power Animal card reading, I selected The Raven, and Lilo immediately told me to be on the look-out for a raven feather which would serve me well, especially when doing my distance healing. Coincidence? Hmmm...some may say, but the warm, tingly glow I felt suggested otherwise to me.

There is much talk these days, as I´m sure everybody is aware, about 2012 and what will happen when we arrive at what the Mayans called the End of the Fifth Age of the Sun in December of that year. Theories abound from convictions that it means the end of the world, to convictions that it means nothing at all. Lilo spoke, in the most gentle and down-to-earth manner about this, and about where mankind currently stands in the evolutionary/ascension process.

The collective consciousness is shifting and we are at the threshold of an evolutionary quantum leap in human consciousness. As Planet Earth is ascending and vibrating at a higher level, it is now important that we work on our own electromagnetic fields. All issues (personal and of all humanity) are now showing up more than ever, causing confusion and chaos, especially in the big cities and this is happening because we are getting higher in the ascension process and the old stuff (in other words, anything not of the light) has to go. The Ascended Masters, also known as the Brotherhood of Light – which includes Jesus Christ and Mother Mary – are very much involved in this process – as are the Intergalactic Federation of Light who, like the Ascended Masters are...well, you know...ascended beings, but unlike the Ascended Masters, they have never actually incarnated on Earth before. They are channelling messages through people, and providing us with new tools to assist and speed up the process. For instance, a new chakra has been activated between the heart and the thymus to bring together heart and mind energy – heart energy being the most important energy of all – and to connect us to the fifth dimensional new earth. Another example is the Pyramid of Light, written about by Nestor Caceres in his new book “Encounter with the Science of Light”. This pyramid, when you stand astride it for a few minutes, provides an intense cleansing and clearing, very much needed for the transmission.

All right, let´s just take a breath here, shall we? Intergalactic Federation of what? Fifth dimensional thingumibob? Ascended Masters? Does this sound like a load of tree-hugging hippy nonsense? Well, that would certainly be the easy answer. But I think that any reasonable, intelligent, open-minded person readily accepts that there are things we don´t understand, things we have no grasp of due to our conditioning, and that just because we can´t see something, or “prove” something, doesn´t mean that it´s not there or that it´s not real. Sitting as I was that day, surrounded by a group of people, all totally different and unique, but all with one thing in common – the desire to make a positive difference to the world – and talking and listening to a fascinating Shaman, it was easy to understand and feel the truth and “realness” of everything she said. But, whether Intergalactic Federations and activations of new chakras resonates with you or not, the core of Lilo´s message, her gift to humanity, stands strong and is comfortingly straightforward and simple.

In a nutshell, it´s all about love, baby!

Love for yourself – warts and all. We should all love ourselves exactly as we are RIGHT NOW, no conditions. There´s no point in saying we will love ourselves when we lose weight, find the perfect job, meet Mr/Ms Right. It is only through embracing our “shadow” side that positive change can be brought into being. As John Bradshaw, motivational speaker and author, says “love is not a train station you are going to arrive at some day.”

Love for Pacha Mama (Mother Earth). It is important for us to now consciously show the planet love, respect and gratitude, to honour her, to realise our connection to her and to experience the undeniable interconnection between all living things.

Surrender. Surrender to love – to giving and to receiving love. Surrender to the mystery. And John Denver obviously knew a thing or two about this! This is a time when truthfulness is all important; we must stand in our own truth and realise that we cannot please everybody all of the time and that sometimes it is necessary to close the door. But as long as our hearts are open, we can do this more comfortably and with...yes, you guessed it... love.

Which, if you ask me, is a sound, common-sense approach to life – and I´m sure even the most hard-nosed sceptic would be hard-pressed to argue.

And that just leaves me with one more thing to share before I sign off – a lovely light affirmation from Lilo which you might like.

I think light
I breathe light
I feel light
I am light
Let light shine through me.


With love & light.
Namaste :)

(p.s. You might want to check out these sites)

http://www.shamanspirit.net/

http://www.ibizareiki.com/

The Time to Be Happy...

During my recent trip back to the UK, I called in to visit my “Auntie” Sylvia. Auntie Sylvia is one of those wonderfully special aunties who, along with her two sisters – Auntie Margery and Auntie Rita (both sadly...for us left behind at least...now in spirit) – are not actually relatives; I´ve just always called them, and looked on them, as my aunties.

Like many elderly people´s houses, I found Auntie Sylvia´s home hadn´t changed a bit in the four years since I had last seen it. All the little nick-nacks and ornaments that had fascinated me as a child were still displayed in exactly the same spots; the two-foot-tall, home-knitted stuffed cats that had been used as doorstops for as long as I could remember, still stood sentry next to the threshold, and the powdered milk was still kept in the same floral container on the dining table next to the portable television. It all looked and smelled so comfortingly familiar!

But the thing that really drew my attention was the delicate china plate displayed, as it has always been, on the wall next to the window. It´s a Holly Hobbie plate – remember Holly Hobbie in her prairie-style, patchwork dress and massive, floppy bonnet? Well, there she is on this plate, holding a bunch of flowers, and around the edge of the plate are the words - “the time to be happy is now.”

I´ve bleated on in this blog about the universe being in constant communication with us, sending us messages and signs all day long, more often than I care to admit, and for me, this really was the perfect example. This lovely little plate that has been a regular fixture and fitting in my life for so many years had always held this message for me...and for everybody else who saw it. And yet, although on some level, I must have known what the words said, they had never lodged consciously. Had somebody asked me “what´s the saying on that Holly Hobbie plate?” I would have been hard-pressed to remember, I´m sure.

So, it´s taken the best part of 40 years, but finally I got the message, and am very grateful for it too. It´s such a simple, positive and uplifting message...and so true. The time to be happy is now. Of course it is...but we have to choose to let it be.

The message has somehow stuck with me and seemed to be prompting me give some thought to it, and to the whole concept of happiness. What is it exactly? I mean, I could rattle off a list of things that make me happy – living on a beautiful Mediterranean island, going out for a lovely meal with my husband, picking my parents up at the airport when I haven´t seen them for a few months, my cats, Reiki, writing, Tai Chi, Yoga, giving some-one a gift they absolutely love, walking on the beach – the list is endless and whilst some of the things that make me personally happy wouldn´t particularly make another person happy, they would doubtless still nod in approval and understanding were they to read my “things that make me happy” list. We all have “nice” things that we do, or “nice” things that happen to us to make us happy. And that´s good, I´m not saying that it´s not, but happiness itself is something quite different to the things that happen to us, or the people that make us happy.

It´s all too easy to become attached to these things and people – we tell ourselves the story that in order to be happy, these are the things that we need. But when we really break it down, it´s not the things, activities or people themselves that are the happiness. Happiness is the sense of gratitude, excitement, fulfilment, inspiration, wonder, trust and relaxation that these things and people generate within us. If we can learn to connect these very sentiments to every single aspect of our lives – the seemingly “bad” things as well as the “good” - then we are in a better position to find true happiness.

Going with the flow, allowing change to happen in our lives, and accepting that everything is working out for our greater good, no matter how it appears at the time, is the key to allowing ourselves to feel happiness at any given moment...including now.

Give it a go, next time something happens that you view as “bad” - be grateful for it, for the opportunity to learn and grow, feel excited and inspired, trust that it is perfect for you right now. And then you´ll see, the time to be happy really is now. No matter what.

After all, would Holly Hobbie lie to us?

I think not ;)

Passengers

Here on Ibiza, there is no such thing as a bus queue. People just kind of mill around, somewhere close to the bus-stop, wherever they fancy, and when the bus arrives, they get on. And if the person who turned up last gets on first...well, nobody bats an eyelid. So, having my first ever experience of flying Ryan Air last week, was something of a shock to the system.

Now, I´m not having a dig at Ryan Air here – far from it. The plane was comfortable, as far as planes go, the cabin staff were friendly and efficient and the pilots obviously knew what they were doing...well, I lived to tell this tale, didn´t I? But the thing with Ryan Air is that (unless you pay for the privilege), you are not allocated a specific seat number. And the consequences of this, my friends, I was simply not prepared for.

I started off quite well. At Ibiza airport, you are transported from the building to your plane on a bus with just the odd seat, so unless you are very lucky, you are standing, squashed against the other passengers and hanging on to handles on the ceiling or railings round the sides for dear life. I was one of the last ones onto the bus, because I´d been sitting in the airport bar drinking red wine while everyone else had been queuing at the gate, but this worked to my advantage. Last one on the bus, first one off which I was very relieved about – these airport buses are nightmares and I´m sure the pre-requisites of being a driver are the ability to make the short distance from airport to plane as jerky as possible, to brake as hard as possible on stopping, and then to wait as long as possible before opening the doors. And it was at this point...when the doors finally whooshed open...that the fun began.

I hopped off and started making my way towards the plane then suddenly, it was like a stampede. As soon as their feet hit the tarmac, everybody started running. Some to the front door of the plane, some to the back, all shouting at each other to hurry up and barging past everyone else to make it to the steps of the aircraft. The stewardess was standing at the top, looking calm and unflustered, clearly used to two hundred or so people launching themselves at break-neck speed towards her. I would have been terrified if I´d been her. As it was, I was merely bewildered. Did they all know something I didn´t know? What? The first twenty passengers on board get their flight for free? Rows nineteen through to twenty-two are given Indian Head Massages and a foot spa as they travel? Did seat 4c have a briefcase with a million euros stashed underneath it?

No, once I finally boarded, I realised that this was just a regular plane with rows of identical seats. I suppose I was fortunate in that I was travelling alone, so I didn´t have to try and get a party of passengers seats together, and at 5 foot tall, the few seats with extra leg room really held little interest to me, but still, the ferocity and determination of my fellow travellers to be the first on the plane was something to behold.

And do you know what the really strange thing was? Everybody got a seat. Everybody arrived at their destination. Amazing, isn´t it?

But the whole episode got me to thinking how we are all control freaks to some degree. We push and shove and have to have things the way we think they should be when, really, none of it matters. We can journey through life stressing over the little things, or we can flow easily with it, accepting that everything is as it is, and that everything works out perfectly in the end. We are exactly where we are supposed to be and we all get to where we´re going one way or the other.

I´m not sure it would ever use it as its advertising slogan, but for me, it´s true. Ryan Air, the great metaphor for life. Take your seat wherever it happens to be, and enjoy the journey.

That said, next time, I´m definitely flying Jet 2. ;)

What the heck??...

I´m experiencing some strange activity on my blog...or rather, on the comments.

Many of them are coming through as oriental-style characters - check it out on the last entry, Distracted - three of the six comments appear like this!! Weird, eh?

I doubt very much that these responses were sent through in anything other than English, it´s more likely to be some kind of programming error, but I just wanted to write this short blog, firstly, to thank everyone for the comments and to explain that I´m not being ill-mannered or ungrateful in not replying...I´m just at a bit of a loss as to what it all means!!

If you do want to contact me, maybe an email to jinnyibiza@gmail.com might be the easiest - I´m always interested to know what you all think.

Oh...and if anyone has any idea why this is happening, I´d love a heads-up.

Thanks :)

Namaste

Distracted

This morning, I de-activated my Facebook account...and, for some reason, I feel ridiculously happy about it. I´ve been trying to figure out why that should be for the last few hours and I think I might have sussed it out.

I read a quote recently by Herbie Hancock - “You would not exist if you did not have something to bring to the table of the life.” Yay Herbie, I´m with you on that one! We are all here to serve a positive purpose, we each have our own unique gift to offer to the world, our own paths to walk, our own dreams to fulfil, otherwise, quite simply, we would not be here.

Which is all well and good, but living as we do in what the Taoists refer to as “The World of the Ten Thousand Things”, we are surrounded by distractions (and I think it´s safe to say that there are more than just ten thousand) which makes it almost impossible for us to even figure out what our higher purpose is, let alone focus enough to actually achieve it.

Some distractions are good – they can energise us, revitalise and renew us, even inspire us. But if we are serious about bringing our gift to the table of life, then we need to be able to differentiate between positive distractions, and those that do nothing other than take our attention off the main goal by filling our minds with negativity or meaninglessness.

This will be different for everybody. For one person, playing a computer game would be seen as a total waste of time, for another, it sharpens the mind and the reflexes. Laying in a field, watching the clouds float across the sky would be an unthinkable squandering of time to some, while to others, it calms and inspires. Some people would be thrilled at the distraction of unannounced guests turning up on the doorstep, other people would see it as an intrusion on their time and energy and feel resentful. Nobody is right and nobody is wrong. The key is to recognise how you work, what helps and what hinders you. And that´s what I came to realise about Facebook. There´s nothing wrong with it, and I know a lot of people gain a great deal from it - it just turns out that I´m not one of them. It had become a negative distraction, with very little of interest to me personally and actually, at times, certain posts irritating me with their banality and self-indulgence. And yet, there I was, several times every day, scrolling through my news feed allowing myself to be distracted.

The universe is communicating with us all day long, quite often through our feelings and emotions, so it´s important to take notice. When we ignore our true feelings, when we allow ourselves to be surrounded and influenced by people who are not in harmony with our true purpose, when we take on board other people´s dramas and negativity, when we spend our time doing something that serves no function other than to distract us from the joy of our higher purpose, then it is all too easy to lose sight of our dreams.

So, now it´s official – I am no longer a member of the Facebook community, and the happiness and sense of lightness I feel, along with the extra whoosh of creativity that is now coursing through me, tells me that this was the right decision for me.

Be distracted and inspired by all means, just don´t be distracted by dross – whatever that is to you.

In the meantime, long live Twitter, that´s what I say!! ;)

Namaste.

The Magic of Ibiza

I realised this morning that, in all the time I´ve had this blog entitled “Healing & Light from the White Isle”, I´ve never actually written a piece about the White Isle herself. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that is about to change... :)

I say “herself” because, quite simply, that´s how I view Ibiza – as female energy. Stepping off the plane when we arrived for our first holiday here, ten years ago, it was like I could feel her wrap her arms around me and I immediately felt safe and nurtured somehow. I´d no idea, of course, back then what this all meant; that it was, in fact, the first clue that I would eventually make this my home – I just knew it felt nice and kind of special, and didn´t give it much further thought than that. Space and Privilege were calling, after all!

Numerous clubbing holidays over the course of the next few years ensued, but even so, amidst the bedlam and the haze, there was a quiet little voice whispering to us – both me and my hubby – and eventually, we started to give serious consideration to moving to Ibiza.

And that´s when things got really weird.

Ibiza, or rather Es Vedra, the mysterious, majestic island rearing out of the sea off the south coast, is the third most magnetic spot on the planet and we certainly seemed to be feeling its pull, but to upsticks and move? Hubby had a senior job with a large multi-national, I worked full-time, we had a nice house, good standard of living, hectic social life and four cats. It seemed like an impossible pipe-dream, irresponsible even, but as soon as we faced the fact that we wanted to move, it seemed the entire universe conspired to make it happen and our life suddenly turned into something resembling a far-fetched movie with an implausible and contrived plot-line. There was no way we could have imagined or orchestrated events to transpire the way they did.

Hubby was offered a voluntary redundancy package that we would have never dared dream possible. To our astonishment, our house, when we had it valued, was worth three times the amount we´d paid for it and the day before we were due to put it on the market, a lady turned up on the doorstep selling raffle tickets for the village gala, of all things. We started chatting and, for some reason, ended up telling her about our plans to move. It turned out she was looking to buy a house in our village, so she had a look around and made us an offer there and then. Neither estate agents nor their fees were necessary!

Things had happened so quickly that found ourselves in the tricky position of having sold our house, without having found accommodation on Ibiza. The simplest solution seemed to be to rent a house in the UK while we were looking, but all the properties available to rent were for a minimum of 12 months (we wanted a 6 month contract) and none of them allowed pets. Just as time was running out and we were starting to get desperate, we stumbled across a letting agent we´d somehow missed before. We explained our situation and the agent, with a gasp, said “oh, what a coincidence”. Just the day before, a man had put his house up to rent with her which, due to his personal circumstances, he only wanted to rent out for 6 months, and he worked with animals so she was sure the cats would be no problem. In fact, the house was the only one on her records with a cat flap!

Once again, it felt like the universe and Ibiza were smiling on our plans. We managed to find the perfect house on Ibiza with little fuss and set a date for the big move. Now the only thing troubling us was transporting our four spoiled-rotten and totally adored cats to Ibiza. Getting ourselves there was a piece of cake compared to shipping animals and the more we looked into it, the more of a logistical nightmare it appeared to be. Then, a couple of months after we´d moved into our rented house, the owner – who we had never met before, all dealings having been carried out through the letting agent – called round. I found myself in floods of grateful tears when he mentioned, in passing, what he did for a living. He was the Managing Director of a freight company...who specialised in shipping pets abroad!! Problem solved – he himself collected our fur-babies and got them safely onto a plane to follow us out.

This all happened four years ago and to this day, I continue to marvel and chuckle at the magic of it all. I feel blessed that I am able now to live my life on this beautiful island, pursuing my creative dreams. Instead of rushing and stressing, working hard for someone else and frantically cramming in every social event we thought we couldn´t possibly miss, simplifying our lives in this way has, in fact, led us to the bliss we were always chasing.

But it hasn´t all been smooth sailing – far from it. I said before that Ibiza has a nurturing and protecting energy...but she is also tough as old boots! For me, I feel that she´s saying, “well, all right then, come and live here, but I have some things to teach you. Are you ready for that?” Erm...I suppose so. Lessons have abounded in the time I´ve been here – some fairly straightforward and easy to take on board, some absolutely not. I view Ibiza´s main lesson to me – which I now understand is a gift of gigantic proportions – as showing me all things and all people, including myself, in our true colours to see how I will handle it. A little bit shakily, it has to be said, on the occasions when the truth turns out to be startlingly at odds with what I´d previously assumed to be the case. Tough lessons, tough love, but I´ll tell you something – I wouldn´t have missed out on a single one of them.

It´s felt nice to write about this and to actually express to the world via the internet (or at least to anyone still reading these ramblings) my gratitude to the Tao of Ibiza and to share what is clearly the most important lesson for us all here. The power of positive intention, followed by simply letting go and trusting. When something is right, and is for our highest and greater good, then all we have to do is state it clearly, ask for help & sit back to allow the magic in.

Give it a go...who knows where you might end up. ;)

A Thankless Task (a short story by Jinny M Throup)

Kevin let out a silent sigh of relief as the nurse quietly told his wife’s parents it was time for them to leave. Their grief-stricken faces, their tears as they'd gazed in stunned silence at their daughter, pale and seemingly motionless underneath stiff hospital sheets, had been almost unbearable. He’d wanted to reach out to them, say something, do something, anything, but he couldn’t and when the nurse gently ushered them out, neither of them had looked at him. It didn’t surprise him. He knew they blamed him for Ellie’s suicide attempt.

He shook his head sadly and made his way to Ellie’s bedside. And who could blame them for blaming him? Who else was there to blame? He reached to touch Ellie’s short, dark hair. This was all his fault. How could he have been so stupid? So reckless? If only he'd stopped just for one instant that night, stopped to think about what he was doing, the consequences, the hurt he might cause through his thoughtlessness. But he hadn't. It had all seemed like such a good idea at the time, and he'd simply never considered the possibility that Ellie would ever find out.

Of course, it was always easy to blame the drink, but now Kevin knew better. If there was one positive thing to be taken out of this whole, pitiful mess, at least he knew now that he couldn’t go on blaming the drink for what had happened. It had been his choice all along and whilst at first it had been tough to face up to this responsibility, it was an insight he’d eventually found surprisingly liberating.

His attention was distracted by a tall man, dressed in the customary white, quietly entering the room and, suddenly glad to see a familiar, friendly face, Kevin managed a smile as he greeted him.

“Hey Peter.”

“Hi Kev. How’s she doing?”

Kevin shrugged his shoulders.

“You know better than I do, mate. You're the professional.”

His attempt at humour appeared to fall on deaf ears; Peter was checking charts and drips, his expression serious and Kevin could hardly keep his eyes off him. He studied the big man’s profile as he bent over the bed, peering intently at Ellie, his hand resting softly on her brow.

“All's well,” he whispered, as if to himself, and as he turned from the bed, Kevin couldn't help noticing that his look of occupational concern had turned into something quite different. His face seemed to have lit up just by looking at his wife, and his eyes were filled with something that looked very much like pure love. He couldn’t keep quiet any

longer.

“Peter…”

“Uh-huh,”

Kevin lowered his gaze and fidgeted for a moment, not sure where to start. He’d no idea anything could feel this awkward. Of course, he thanked God that Peter had been there last night, that he'd found Ellie when he did, but there were things he needed to know. Questions he needed answering.

Peter broke into the silence.

“You really mustn’t blame yourself, you know. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Well, you’re the only one around here who thinks so.”

There was a distinct note of self-pity in Kevin’s voice, but he couldn’t help it.

“No, I'm not. Not really.”

Peter had that mysterious look in his eyes, that soothing lilt to his voice, as though he were privy to something that everyone else would find out later. It wasn’t an arrogant look, it was just the way Peter was, and if he was honest, Kevin had to admit that, like pretty much everything else about Peter, it had a way of making him feel better about things. Even this.

“It’s just, well, you know, I was wondering…”

“Of course you were. You were wondering what exactly happened last night, weren´t you?”

Kevin nodded as Peter sat down on the only chair in the room, gesturing as he did for Kevin to take a seat on the bed. Kevin glanced down at his wife as he sat next to her and a flood of remorse once again swept over him, but he couldn’t cry. No more tears would come. He reached for her hand and turned his attention back to Peter.

“I wasn’t there, Peter. That’s the hardest thing. I should have been there for her and I wasn’t.”

“There was somewhere else you had to be, things you had to do.”

“No! I should have been there. I should have been with Ellie. She needed me, and I wasn’t there. I let her down. Again.”

“Well, what's done is done, and there were good reasons for your not being there. You

couldn’t have been there, you know that. You were exactly where you were meant to be, Kevin. You always are.”

“But you were there.”

“That’s different.”

A silence settled on the room as Kevin tried to control his emotions. Peter had a point; there was no way on earth he could have been there with Ellie last night, but it was his own stupidity, his own irresponsibility that had caused their separation in the first place. That's why he'd been off somewhere else, doing those other things. That's why Ellie had been pushed to her limit, and why he'd been unable to do anything to help her. But Peter had. Somehow he'd been there, he'd saved her. How had that happened?

“Are you sure you really want to know the truth? Some of it might be difficult for you.”

“Just tell me.” Kevin’s voice was low, miserable but his mind was alert. Ready.

Peter began to speak, to tell the story of last night and, closing his eyes, Kevin felt as though he were somehow being transported there by the words themselves. As though he were actually watching the whole thing, just like a movie.

Ellie was crying. No, Ellie was sobbing. Sitting at the kitchen table, a framed photo of him, Kevin, in one hand, a bottle of whisky in the other.

“You bastard! How could you leave me?”

Her voice was a thick, slurred wail and Kevin felt a pang, like a gunshot, right in the centre of his chest.

“I never left you, Ellie,” he blurted out, “I'd never leave you. I'm here. I'm right here.”

He looked helplessly at Peter.

“It was just a stupid mistake. That night...I never meant for any of this to happen. I got drunk, and things got out of control and...”

“I know,” Peter interrupted gently, “I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen.”

With his words, the movie started again.

Ellie had been in no state to listen. Kevin doubted she was even aware that Peter was with her. She'd thrown the photo onto the tiled kitchen floor, walked barefoot through the shards of glass from the broken frame and, still gripping the bottle of whisky, made her unsteady way upstairs to the bathroom, leaving a trail of blood from the soles of her feet behind her. Then things had become eerily quiet but in his mind's eye, Kevin could see Ellie sitting cross-legged on the bathroom floor, barely flinching as she drew the razor blade down her wrists, then curling herself into the foetal position to calmly await death as blood poured from her wounds and pooled nauseatingly dark and thick onto the beige carpet. Kevin forced the image away and focused instead on his overwhelming sense of relief that Peter had been there to tend to Ellie straight away, to call for help and then to stay with her, talking to her, until first her sister, and then the ambulance had arrived.

“What did you talk to her about?” There were endless questions spinning around Kevin's head, but this seemed like the right one to ask.

“Well, mainly about you actually. I tried to explain how you couldn't help what happened. How, on the surface, it might look like a straightforward case of you drinking and driving, something she'd disapprove of, be angry about even, but how nothing is straightforward, and everything happens for a reason...”

Peter paused and looked steadily at Kevin.

“Even your death.”

Kevin let out a grunt. “Charming.”

Peter smiled and carried on.

“No matter how much easier it is to believe otherwise, you were not just being stupid and irresponsible that night. You were playing your part in the Grand Scheme of Things. You agreed to this before you were born. So did Ellie. You just both forgot which, believe me, is normal. So many distractions down here.”

“But why would we agree to tragedy? Who in their right minds would agree to dying in a car wreck aged 27? Who would agree to becoming a widow at 24? I still don't get it.”

There was a twinkle in Peter's eyes as he replied patiently.

“For the lessons you chose to learn this time around.”

“Huh. Well, I'm not impressed with my choice of lessons. I'm not impressed with being dead. I always thought if you were dead, at least you'd be able to do cool stuff. Like save your wife, for instance. Turns out being dead, no-one can hear you, no-one can feel you.” Kevin tried to ruffle Ellie's hair to make his point. “You can't make any difference at all. You might as well be...well...dead.”

Peter was nodding.

“I know. It's not all it's cracked up to be, but it does get easier, honestly. You want to try my job, being a guardian angel is one sure fire way of being completely and utterly ignored. Talk about a thankless task. I swear, you could bang a gong or ring a church bell right in their ears and they'd still not hear you.”

“Peter, look,”

Kevin nodded to Ellie. Her eyes were flickering, her fingers twitching above the tight bandaging around her wrists, and she made a pain-filled sound as she slowly opened her eyes.

“Come on. Time to go.”

Peter glanced at Kevin, his face filled with compassion, understanding completely the other man's reluctance to leave. He draped an arm around him, adding softly, “it's just for now. We can come back soon.”

The pair left the room just as the nurse hurried in.

“Ellie! You're awake. No, don't try to move, my love. What a lucky girl you are. If your sister hadn't happened to call on you when she did, well...”

Ellie closed her eyes again. Pain filled her body and her mind just as the sharp disinfectant smell of the hospital filled her senses and as always, her first waking thoughts were of Kevin, of Kevin no longer being here, but today there was something different. The agonising desperation had faded and she was feeling an unexpected but undeniable sense of calm. Perhaps she was sedated, but Ellie didn't think that was the reason. It was more a feeling of having just been with Kevin, of having felt his love surround her again, and of beginning to make sense of something; something she couldn't quite remember, but something that somehow made her feel less alone than she had in the weeks since he'd died.

The nurse was still chattering, promising to call her family straight away and her voice, full of empathy and gentleness reminded Ellie that, in spite of what had happened, there were still people who cared about her. There was still hope, and while there was hope, well - she could barely believe she was thinking this, but yes, it was true - while there was hope, she was glad to be alive. Groggy, but glad to be alive. She opened her eyes and managed a watery smile for the nurse who was cheerily describing what a beautiful day it was.

“You'd hardly believe it was November. Not a cloud in the sky. Look, I'll open the blinds for you...”

As the nurse hurried to the window, somewhere in the distance, a church bell began to

ring.

And for some reason she couldn't quite put her finger on, Ellie was glad she could hear it.

The Big Blab Theory

Living in what the Taoists refer to as “the world of the ten thousand things” along with approximately 7 billion other people, it´s reasonable to assume that at certain points during our life journeys, we are all going to be on the receiving end of some kind of “blabbing”.

I´m talking here about gossiping, spreading rumours, back-stabbing, tittle-tattling – call it what you will, whatever form it takes from the outright malicious and slanderous to simply revelling in dishing the dirt, it´s an ugly business. And make no mistake, its negative effects spread far and wide.

The Law of Attraction states that what we focus on grows, so it follows that if we do find ourselves on the receiving end of some kind of gossip, we should simply ignore it and it will go away. Yeah, right – well that´s easy isn´t it? Glad we got that sorted out!! No, let´s face it, if someone has been saying unkind or untrue things behind our backs, or has repeated to others something we had told them in confidence, then of course we are going to feel betrayed and hurt, angry even. Denying those feelings serves no positive purpose whatsoever, and that is not what I mean when I talk about “ignoring”.

I am a big believer in the power of venting. Here´s how it works. Announce to the universe, or the Tao, your intention to vent and that it is simply that and nothing else. Your venting time is the beginning of a healing process – for everyone concerned – and should in no way be construed as sending out negative energies, thus worsening the situation. Be very clear about this. Then, if there is someone you trust completely, vent to them. Or if you prefer, vent to yourself in front of a mirror, or write it all down. The idea is to get toxic thoughts and feelings out of your head – where they will only fester and cause harm – and out into the open in a conscious and responsible way in order for them to be diffused.

Put a time limit on your venting – say, 20 minutes – then let it go. This is the tricky bit. The temptation is to return to it, to go over it again and again, but realise that this is only the ego at play. The ego loves a drama, especially the type that prompts a “how DARE they treat me like this” reaction, and it´s all too easy to get bogged down in that. When we get stuck in these kinds of thought cycles, we´re no longer venting, we´re adding negativity to an already negative situation.

But be warned, the ego is a tough old boot and is not at all impressed by being told to shut up – by its very nature, it views itself as hugely important after all. So, the chances are it will shout all the louder. The knack is to be aware, to notice when we are slipping into irritation, indignation and self-pity, and then to consciously change that. We can take our thoughts higher any time we choose, so have a suitable affirmation to hand – something like “I see the Tao in everyone” or “I am pure love and light” - whatever works - and repeat it over and over; even if at first it is through gritted teeth and with the odd curse word thrown in, before too long, it will have an effect and you will start to feel warmer and calmer.

Be patient and gentle with yourself, give yourself some time and space and eventually, the lessons will become clear, along with the most appropriate form of action. If a confrontation is necessary, you will at least be coming to it from a calmer and more empowered perspective, and if a release is required then it can be done with love, gentleness and understanding.

We all owe it to ourselves and each other to do our best to avoid getting involved in any kind of gossip and if we do find ourselves on the receiving end, it´s a good (if painful) idea to take a look at our own actions in the past. What we give out, we get back multiplied, after all so if someone is bitching about us, who have we been bitching about?

Time to stop the bitching and do something more useful with our time?

I think so, don´t you?

:)

The Blame Game

Suitable for two or more players. Age 3 +.

Rules:-

The object of the game is to skilfully negotiate your way around the board, apportioning blame whenever possible to the other players.

Extra points are awarded for aggression and refusing to listen to another point of view. Players, above all else, should deny their own responsibility and decline to examine their own issues, patterns and lessons.

Any player landing on “The Big Picture” square must miss a go and pick a Zen card, thus being challenged to ignore that the other participants are playing their parts to perfection and are, in fact, assisting in his or her spiritual growth and understanding.

This truth can only be overcome if a player has already acquired one or more “ego”, “intolerance” or “just don´t get it” cards – all of which can be played at this time in order to avoid being thrown in Blame Jail.

If incarcerated, the player must remain in jail until one of the other players land either on a “self-pity” or “aggression” square themselves – which immediately frees you from jail – or the golden card of “No-one can DO something TO us unless we allow it and everything happens for a reason and is for our highest and greatest good” turns up – at which point, the game is over.

The winner is...well, that´s the uniqueness of this particular game. There are no winners. Everyone loses in the Blame Game.

Let the games begin.

The Wacky World of Creativity

What? Hello? Where am I? Oh, I´m back in my blog – almost didn´t recognise it, it´s been so long since I´ve been here!

What a funny old thing creativity is. This seems to have been one of my lessons over the last few weeks, and the thing I feel compelled to write about today.

Up to recently, I´d never experienced any kind of block when it came to writing regular blogs, then suddenly bam! Out of nowhere, a wall Hadrian would have been proud of flung itself up in my mind and every time my thoughts to turned to writing something, I just kept banging my head against it.

Headaches and frustration ensued and all of a sudden everything seemed preferable to sitting down and writing. Scrubbing the kitchen floor with a toothbrush, ironing socks with a crease down the middle, sorting out CDs into alphabetical order – you know, fun stuff and, of course, all hugely essential.

But, as with all things in life, there was something to be learned here – although, be warned, it is a bit of a dichotomy.

On the one hand, I totally agree that there is little point in waiting until you feel inspired and creative to sit down to write. Inspiration tends to come along while we are working and many times in the past, I´ve not been in the mood to write but just got on with it anyway, soon to find myself in a strong creative flow and loving the process. I get that, I do.

And yet, on the other hand, I also believe that there are times when it´s best not to force it. I mean, where does creativity come from? Is there a magical, creative voice informing us? Our muse, as it were? I think so, and I also think that at the times we feel “blocked”, it is at its busiest, working overtime whispering the best and most authentic way forward to our subconscious minds. If we and our rational minds can get out of the way and not interfere with this process (too many cooks and all that), very soon those ideas will burst through to the surface and we are back in the flow – writing, making music, painting, sculpting – whatever our particular creative outlet may be.

Sometimes the rational mind just doesn´t get the magic of the process and has to be kept occupied doing something else while the real inventive stuff gets cracking behind the scenes.

So, the next time you catch me sorting a whole cabinet of books into alphabetical order, looking all fed-up and sorry for myself, just remind me of this, would you?

Thanks. :)