The Big Blab Theory

Living in what the Taoists refer to as “the world of the ten thousand things” along with approximately 7 billion other people, it´s reasonable to assume that at certain points during our life journeys, we are all going to be on the receiving end of some kind of “blabbing”.

I´m talking here about gossiping, spreading rumours, back-stabbing, tittle-tattling – call it what you will, whatever form it takes from the outright malicious and slanderous to simply revelling in dishing the dirt, it´s an ugly business. And make no mistake, its negative effects spread far and wide.

The Law of Attraction states that what we focus on grows, so it follows that if we do find ourselves on the receiving end of some kind of gossip, we should simply ignore it and it will go away. Yeah, right – well that´s easy isn´t it? Glad we got that sorted out!! No, let´s face it, if someone has been saying unkind or untrue things behind our backs, or has repeated to others something we had told them in confidence, then of course we are going to feel betrayed and hurt, angry even. Denying those feelings serves no positive purpose whatsoever, and that is not what I mean when I talk about “ignoring”.

I am a big believer in the power of venting. Here´s how it works. Announce to the universe, or the Tao, your intention to vent and that it is simply that and nothing else. Your venting time is the beginning of a healing process – for everyone concerned – and should in no way be construed as sending out negative energies, thus worsening the situation. Be very clear about this. Then, if there is someone you trust completely, vent to them. Or if you prefer, vent to yourself in front of a mirror, or write it all down. The idea is to get toxic thoughts and feelings out of your head – where they will only fester and cause harm – and out into the open in a conscious and responsible way in order for them to be diffused.

Put a time limit on your venting – say, 20 minutes – then let it go. This is the tricky bit. The temptation is to return to it, to go over it again and again, but realise that this is only the ego at play. The ego loves a drama, especially the type that prompts a “how DARE they treat me like this” reaction, and it´s all too easy to get bogged down in that. When we get stuck in these kinds of thought cycles, we´re no longer venting, we´re adding negativity to an already negative situation.

But be warned, the ego is a tough old boot and is not at all impressed by being told to shut up – by its very nature, it views itself as hugely important after all. So, the chances are it will shout all the louder. The knack is to be aware, to notice when we are slipping into irritation, indignation and self-pity, and then to consciously change that. We can take our thoughts higher any time we choose, so have a suitable affirmation to hand – something like “I see the Tao in everyone” or “I am pure love and light” - whatever works - and repeat it over and over; even if at first it is through gritted teeth and with the odd curse word thrown in, before too long, it will have an effect and you will start to feel warmer and calmer.

Be patient and gentle with yourself, give yourself some time and space and eventually, the lessons will become clear, along with the most appropriate form of action. If a confrontation is necessary, you will at least be coming to it from a calmer and more empowered perspective, and if a release is required then it can be done with love, gentleness and understanding.

We all owe it to ourselves and each other to do our best to avoid getting involved in any kind of gossip and if we do find ourselves on the receiving end, it´s a good (if painful) idea to take a look at our own actions in the past. What we give out, we get back multiplied, after all so if someone is bitching about us, who have we been bitching about?

Time to stop the bitching and do something more useful with our time?

I think so, don´t you?

:)