In Clipped Tones (a short story)

The day Mark Theodore's nail-clippers started to talk to him, he knew he was screwed.

That wasn't his first thought, of course; his first thought was that this was just his mind playing tricks on him, an understandable, if somewhat bizarre, reaction to all the stress he'd been suffering lately. He'd even asked himself if it really was so bizarre - his “obsessive nail clipping” as his ex-girlfriend, Julie, liked to call it, was his stress-relieving technique of choice after all, never failing to cool his temper, soothe his nerves and calm him down. Some people smoke, some people play squash, some people punch cushions. Mark Theodore clipped his nails, so when the stress had reached the level of intensity that it had on that particular day, causing Mark Theodore, of all people, to actually...well, kind of, pray (if looking to the sky and yelling “oh come on, God, give me a break! Help me out here for Christ's sake,” can be considered a prayer), was it not natural that it should be his anxiety-relieving tools themselves who would try to communicate with him?

“Yes, that's right, Mark. Just doing our job. Chill out, man. Things are really not so bad, you know.”

Mark had pondered this in uneasy silence for a moment, and it was at that point the awful truth had dawned. If he was giving serious consideration to the fact that there could be anything remotely natural about talking nail-clippers, then yes, he was screwed. And as far as he could see it, there was only one sensible course of action to follow and that, obviously, was to ignore them. After all, it wasn't like he didn't have enough on his mind right now, was it? The last thing he needed, on top of all the other stuff he'd got going on, was the worry that he might be totally and utterly off his rocker.

“Talking nail clippers,” he laughed unconvincingly, shoved them deep into his jeans pocket and made his way to the kitchen to mull over the events of the day with a large glass of Scotch.

She was an uppity little so-and-so that personnel officer, Vicky or whatever she was called, sitting there all superior, telling him, daring to tell him, Mark Theodore, that he had an attitude problem. Attitude problem? The nerve! He didn't have an attitude problem, as he'd been quick to point out – he just found it frustrating to be surrounded by incompetent men and hormonal women. They were stupid. Every last one of them. Exactly the same as every other place he'd ever worked – idiots! He'd spent his entire working life surrounded by idiots, was it any wonder he got agitated sometimes, and shouted? And swore. And slammed doors. And name-called. And threw his telephone across the office (although that was just the once, and it was the day after Julie had left him, so surely he ought to be cut a bit of slack.)

Mark shuddered, unsure whether it was caused by his first gulp of whisky or the memory of Vicky's patronisingly calm face and tone of voice as she told him he was fired.

“You've been warned before, Mark. In less than 8 months of working here, you've managed to insult pretty much every member of staff. We're going to have to let you go. You should really take some time to re-evaluate your attitude.”

“Re-evaluate your attitude,” Mark mimicked nastily, then knocked back the rest of his whisky, dug into his jeans pocket for his trusty nail-clippers and made his way to the pedal bin to start clipping. It was automatic. No thought required.

“She's got a point, you know.”

“What? Who has?”

“The girl from Personnel. She's called Becky, by the way.”

“Becky. Vicky. Whatever.”

“People generally like it when you get their names right. Makes them feel, you know, like you give a damn. And she does have a point.”

“ A point? Don't make me laugh. She wasn't making any point. No, that jumped up little madam has just been waiting for a chance to get one up on me, and she knew she'd got it the minute that snivelling, simpering secretary went running to her. 'Oh, that nasty Mark, he's just told me my perfume's like something his grandmother would wear and my typing's shit,' well, boo-bloody-hoo. It's all true, and yet I'm the one getting fired thanks to that blubbering moron. I mean, what the hell? I'm not the one waddling around the office, stinking it out with my cheapo cologne and not doing my job properly. She, that stupid secretary, she's the one ought to be fired. But then, what do you expect? The place is run by imbeciles. I'm best off out of it.”

“That's just it, Mark. It's your attitude, see?”

Mark suddenly stopped clipping his nails, his face flushed and breathing shallow as his anger churned and grew, but that wasn't the only reason. He was doing it again, conversing with a pair of nail-clippers. Out loud. Jesus, he really was losing his mind.

“No you're not, Mark. We're just trying to tell you that things might start getting better for you if you would give us a chance and lis...”

He shoved them back in his pocket and quickly poured another drink. Things might start getting better, eh? Well, no shit. The whole world and its dog seemed to be against him, so they couldn't get much worse could they? Mark sat down heavily on a kitchen stool and sighed. How on earth had it got to this? Julie had been gone nearly four months now – he glanced at the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and had to admit he missed her. Sure, she could be a narky sod at times, accusing him of being impossible to live with ('arrogant, male-chauvinistic arsehole' was what she'd actually spat at him, if he remembered rightly) but he'd really thought they had something going. It had been the longest relationship he'd ever had at any rate. And what was it his mother had said when he'd told her Julie had left? “She did right, too. You never did know how to treat a woman right. Come to think of it, you never knew how to treat anybody right. I don't know where I went wrong with you.” Obviously, he'd not spoken to the cantankerous old bag since. Who did she think she was? Besides, his phone had been cut off last week, so that solved that problem.

Mark knocked back his whisky and resisted the temptation to pour another. There was nothing in the house resembling food, so it looked like a drive to the Indian Takeaway, and no doubt another confrontation with that useless girl who always got his order wrong, was on the cards. What was it with people? If he ordered Pilau rice, he got plain; if he ordered plain, he got Pilau. How difficult could it be to get a simple order right? She did it on purpose, he was sure, she just didn't like him and if there was anywhere else in this god-forsaken town to buy a half-decent Jalfrezi, then he'd take his custom there. Not that he'd have to worry about that after tonight, of course. There would be no more spare money for luxuries such as curries for a while, not unless he could find another job pretty damn quick. He was already two months behind on the mortgage payments, all four of his credit cards were up to their limits and, quite frankly, he was surprised that the leasing company hadn't re-possessed his car yet. Surely that was only a matter of time. And now he had no job. Mark grabbed his car keys and slammed out of the house.

*******************

There was no-one else in the take-away when he strode in, and the useless girl gave him a nervous, wary look as he approached the counter and looked beyond her to study the giant menu displayed on the wall. Neither of them said hello, neither of them smiled. Mark knew exactly what he wanted, but he was enjoying the girl's discomfort and self-consciousness as she hovered waiting for him to make his choice, so he took his time. Eventually, he snapped his order at her and thrust a £20 note over the counter. She fumbled in the till, and when she meekly asked him if he had the 40 pence as she was short of change, he gave her a long stare, then dug into his pockets and slammed the contents onto the counter for her to root out what she needed.

“Thank you,” she muttered before scurrying off around the back to the sanctuary of the kitchen.

“Don't mention it. I mean, what would be the point of making life easy for your customers by actually having change in your till?” Mark mumbled under his breath, then sighed and glanced up at the television, high on brackets in the far corner behind the counter. That was another thing that drove him mad about about take-aways. Always a television, but never any sound. What was the point of that? Were take-aways part of some secret organisation, committed to teaching people to lip-read while they waited for their curries? It was stupid.

“Yes, but it smells good doesn't it?”

Mark breathed in deeply. The flowery, tangy aroma of countless herbs and spices whose names he'd never know and the sharp, mouth-watering scent of frying onions which always took him right back to childhood visits to the fairground, filled his senses, and he smiled. Hell yes, it did smell good.

“Erm, now that we've got your attention, could we talk to you for a minute?”

The nail-clippers which he'd emptied out of his pocket along with his coinage were still sitting on the counter. Mark glanced instinctively towards the kitchen, then gave a stiff nod of his head.

“You think your life sucks, right?”

Mark nodded again.

“You think that nothing ever works out for you, that everybody is trying to get one over on you, and that nobody cares, right?”

Another nod.

“Well, we have the solution to your problems, Mark. We know what you should do to turn your life around.”

Mark blinked, the exotic fragrances and memories of carefree days rapidly fading from his consciousness, leaving only the stark reality that here he was, in a take-away with no change in its till, watching a pointlessly silent television, waiting for his order which was more than likely going to be wrong. And his nail-clippers were talking to him again.

“You see, we've been with you for a very long time and we believe in you, Mark. We know you're ready for things to change. Listen to us now and listen carefully. If you really want your life to change for the better, all you have to do is spend one whole day, tomorrow, showing only kindness, consideration and respect to everybody you come into contact with. You must think only good thoughts. You must see only the positive in every single thing. In other words, be nice, Mark. Just for one day. We realise that this is a bit of a tall order, but we believe you're ready for a challenge.”

“A challenge? Don't you think I've had enough challenges to last me a lifetime?”

It came out louder than he expected and spotting the useless girl and the chef throwing a sudden, bemused glance in his direction, Mark faked a coughing fit behind his hand.

“If it helps, Mark, you could always just talk to us in your head. We can hear your thoughts.”

“Oh. Well, that's creepy,” Mark thought.

“We prefer to think of it as useful. And it will certainly help us keep a close watch on things and help you remain in a state of total positivity and grace tomorrow.”

“A state of total what? What are you talking about? Are you having a laugh?”

“Chicken Jalfrezi and Pilau Rice,” the useless girl attempted a smile as she appeared from the kitchen and put the brown paper bag on the counter in front of him. Mark took a steadying breath.

“I ordered plain..”

“You could always start now. Go on! Be nice. Make the changes start even faster.”

Mark forced a smile at the girl.

“Thank you very much. Good evening.”

He grabbed the bag and hurried from the take-away with absolutely no idea why he was going along with this. But then, what harm could it do? How could things get any worse?

*****************

The following morning, as he furiously brushed his teeth in an attempt to get rid of the nasty curry after-taste, Mark found himself planning in his head exactly what he was going to say to that useless girl at the take-away when he went back to complain that night.

“How come it is that every time I eat one of your curries, I end up with a dodgy stomach? Every time. What is it? Do you not cook your food properly, or is it just poor quality ingredients? Hmm?”

Yes, that should do it. Maybe he should threaten the local newspaper too.

“Oh, come on Mark. You enjoyed every mouthful of that Jalfrezi, you know you did. Curries often give people a mild case of the trots, but they´re worth it. It´s no big deal.”

Mark glared at the clippers on the shelf in front of him and spat frothy, minty toothpaste into the sink.

“Easy for you to say. You're not the ones whose guts were playing up all through the night, having to dash to the loo every few minutes.”

“No, but we were stuck here in the bathroom, remember. And it was not a pleasant experience, let us tell you. Now come on, Mark, focus. You're supposed to be being positive today and this is hardly a good start.”

Mark rinsed out his mouth and wiped his face with the towel.

“I suppose.”

“Good. So what's the plan?”

“The plan? The plan is to find myself a job, of course. I'm off to the newsagents to buy a paper.”

“Great idea. Let's go!”

Mark clicked his tongue. “Calm down. It's not so exciting.”

“Of course it is. You never know what's going to happen, or what you might find.”

“Yes I do. Just a bunch of the usual crappy office jobs. Sales, accounts, call centres. All rubbish, and to think I have a degree in business studies, you know.”

“Positive, Mark!”

“Oh, damn it! Yes OK. Here I go, on my way to find my perfect job which will be fulfilling and varied every day of my working life until I retire. There, is that better?”

“Much better. You see, you're getting the hang of it already.”

Mark stifled a groan, shoved the clippers in his pocket and headed out of the house. This was getting ridiculous. He'd seriously expected this bizarre phenomenon to have ended by this morning, that he would get up, find his nail clippers naturally and comfortingly silent again, and be able to put the whole experience down to mega-stress.

“Hey Mark, surely you're not thinking of taking the car to the newsagents, are you?”

Mark slid into the driver's seat and slammed the door.

“Of course I'm taking the car. How else am I going to get there?”

“How about walking?”

Mark snorted and turned the ignition.

“Seriously. It's a beautiful morning, and the newsagent's only round the corner. Why pollute the air when you don't need to?”

“Oh shut up.”

“OK. Obviously you're not as fit as you like to make out. Can't even manage a tidgy little walk.”

Mark closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then killed the ignition and clambered out of the car.

“All right. If I go along with all this, following your suggestions, you know, being nice all day, then does that mean that, after today, you'll leave me alone?

“If you like.”

“Right, well that sounds like a deal to me.”

“Good, let's go.”

Mark began his trek to the village, still wondering why on earth he was taking any of this stuff seriously. States of positivity and grace, being nice, love and kindness, seeing the good – it all sounded like a bunch of tree-hugging hippy crap to him. And yet, there was no denying, it was a beautiful day and as he slowed his pace, Mark couldn't help but think that if that smarmy, pain-in-the-butt, Vicky...

“Becky.”

...Becky hadn't sacked him yesterday, then by now, he'd be sitting in that horrible little office, surrounded by people he had nothing in common with, feeling angry, depressed and...smothered, somehow. There was no denying that this was a far pleasanter way to spend his morning (recently sacked or not), a nice, gentle stroll to the village, the same route he'd been used to driving every morning and yet, surely, there weren't usually so many trees. And just listen to all those birds singing. Mark smiled and breathed in deeply. Perhaps those pesky nail-clippers had a point after all.

His attention was distracted by the sight of the old lady who lived in the bungalow two doors down from him approaching in the opposite direction, the bulging shopping bags in each hand seeming to round her shoulders even more than normal as she struggled along the street. Mark felt his stomach flip and a frown start to form on his face. He'd done quite well recently at avoiding the old bag since that altercation about her cats shitting in his garden and, yes, he knew it wasn't exactly her fault, she had no control over where her cats chose to empty their bowels, but she deserved a hard time after the fuss she'd made about the cars parked outside her house when he and Julie had had their moving-in party. What difference did it make to her? She didn't even have a car and it wasn't like there was a constant stream of visitors to her house. No, she was just plain awkward, and Mark had wasted no time in showing her that two could play at that game.

“Well, now's your chance to clear the air. Make a fresh start with her.”

'No way,' Mark spat the thought at the clippers. 'Not her. I'll be nice to anybody except her. She's horrible.'

'Perhaps she's just lonely.'

'Well, duh! That's because nobody likes her.'

No reply. Mark shook his head and comforted himself with the thought that she wouldn't want to speak to him any more than he wanted to speak to her – look, she was deliberately looking down to the ground, ignoring him – so by avoiding passing the time of day with her, he was in actual fact, doing something good. This way they would both be happy.

But as she drew level with him, she raised her eyes and caught him looking straight at her, and for a moment, Mark was taken aback by the look in her eyes. Gone was that contentious, mean expression he had been subjected to before and which he somehow always expected to be plastered on her face; instead he saw a tired and sad old lady and without quite understanding why or how, Mark felt something stir deep inside him. Without quite understanding why or how, without thinking about it even, Mark felt an unexpected smile form on his face.

“Morning Mrs Clayton. Here, let me help you with those bags.”

The startled look on the old lady's face soon blossomed into a smile which somehow felt to warm Mark from the inside out as he took the bags off her and walked slowly back to her house with her.

“That's very kind of you,” Mrs Clayton said after she'd managed to get her breath back.

“It's no problem,” Mark replied, pushing her dilapidated gate open with his hip and catching an unmistakable look of embarrassment flash across the old lady's face.

“Oh, you must excuse the state of my garden,” she started with an awkward laugh, “I just can't keep up with it these days, what with my arthritis and everything. Mr Clayton would turn in his grave if he could see how neglected it is now. Used to take such pride in it, you know, a bit like you. Your garden's always so neat and pretty.”

Mark followed her gaze down the road to his own garden and nodded.

“Well, I must admit, I do like gardening. Julie always reckoned it was the only thing I was any good at and I suppose she was right. You should see the state of the inside of the house.”

He flinched as Mrs Clayton let out a surprisingly loud laugh.

“Oh, I bet it's not so bad! And how is your lovely girlfriend? I've not see her for a while.”

“Erm, well, things didn't work out between us and she left me.”

Actually, when he put it like that, Mark realised it didn't sound so bad. Just one of those things, that was all. And his usual compulsion to add the word “bitch” was strangely absent.

“Ah, well,” was all that Mrs Clayton said, but she gave his arm a quick squeeze before leading the way down her weed-covered path. The rockery, too, was over-run with dandelions, grass and unruly ferns, the rosebushes looked sad and depressed, and Mark could hardly bear to look at the lawn.

“Go on! You know what to do.”

“What? No, I haven't got time. I've got to find a job, you know.”

“Un-prompted acts of kindness are the key, remember.”

“Yes, yes, whatever. It'll have to be later, though.”

“Sorry dear, did you say something?”

Mark shook his head.

“Well, would you like a cup of tea?”

“Go on! You know it's the right thing to do. Offer. NOW!”

Mark groaned inwardly.

“That would be lovely, thank you. And I was wondering, Mrs Clayton, if you like, that is, I could, well, what I mean is – would you like me to do some gardening for you? I'm not working today, so if you like...”

“Oh, bless you! Would you? Really? That would be such a help to me. Thank you. I'll go and put the kettle on.”

*******************

It didn't take him long and at just turned half-past one, Mark cast a satisfied look around the now well-tended garden as he made his way back up the path on his way home. He hadn't thought about his job situation, his financial worries, or Julie in all the time he'd been working on Mrs Clayton's garden, and he had to admit that felt good. He felt good. He'd even enjoyed chatting with the old lady as he ate the cheese sandwiches she'd insisted on making for lunch. Yes, it was surprisingly true – doing something good felt...well...good.

“Well, we must say, we're impressed, Mark. This morning's efforts have been nothing short of sensational. Just remember, what you give out, you get back multiplied, so keep it up.”

But Mark's attention had been distracted by the sight of a tow-truck outside his drive and for a second, he froze in horror unable to move as he watched his beloved 5 Series being towed away.

Then he snapped.

“OI!” He hollered, legs finally moving into a sprint, “get back here. That's my car. Get back here now!”

“Try paying your monthly instalments once in a while, mate,” the driver yelled out of the window and laughed as he drove off.

“What? Who the hell do you think you are? You've no right...bring me my car back. NOW!”

But the only response was a raised middle finger out of the window before the truck turned left at the end of the road and disappeared, along with Mark's BMW.

“SHIT!!” He screeched to the sky, then yanked his nail clippers out of his pocket and glared at them.

“What you give out you get back, eh?” He hissed. “I spend all morning doing an old lady's garden, for free, thinking nice happy-happy, joy-joy thoughts, and this is what I get back? Well stuff that, and stuff you. I don't know why I ever listened to you in the first place.”

Mark didn't think they answered, but he wouldn't have heard them anyway due to the blood pumping in his ears as he tried his hardest not to start crying in the middle of the street. Shouting and cursing had been bad enough. He had to try to maintain some semblance of dignity, besides he could see Mrs Clayton out of the corner of his eye watching from her doorway. He made it back home, chucked the clippers into the cutlery drawer out of sight, flopped down on the sofa in the lounge and stared into space.

He had no idea how long he had been sitting there when he heard the quiet knock on the kitchen door, but he ignored it. He ignored it the next 3 times, too but when the caller was clearly not going to take the hint, he marched into the kitchen, ready to fly at whoever was disturbing him.

He could see Mrs Clayton standing there through the glass panels, looking serious, and in his paranoid state of mind, by the time he unlocked the door, he had convinced himself she had come to complain about his loud and vulgar outburst in the street. Well, just dare her to say one thing...

“Ah Mark. I was beginning to wonder if you'd gone out.”

Mark shook his head stiffly.

“Now, I hope you don't think me an old busy-body, but well, I saw what happened earlier with your car and how upset you were...”

“Mrs Clayton, the last thing I need right now is you giving me a hard time. I know it's not polite to stand, cursing in the street but I just snapped. I'm up to my ears in debt and I lost my job yesterday, all right?”

Mrs Clayton nodded.

“I thought as much. I noticed you were home early yesterday and you kept changing the subject at lunchtime whenever I asked about your work, so I just put two and two together. Oh dear, I am an old busy-body aren't I?”

She chuckled for a moment before continuing.

“Anyway, I got to thinking and I remembered that last Sunday after church, we were all talking about how difficult it is to find reasonable, reliable help – especially gardening – when you're old and on your own, like most of us in the congregation are. Mr Jenkins has just sacked his gardener, caught him stealing you know. Do you know Mr Jenkins?”

Mark shook his head and leaned against the door-jamb.

“Lives up at Hainworth Hall. Made a fortune in the sheet metal industry somehow...”

“ Oh, that Mr Jenkins.”

“Yes. Well, I took the liberty of phoning him to find out if he'd replaced his gardener yet and when he said he hadn't, I said I knew someone who might be interested.”

Mark felt his eyes widen.

“Anyway, he only needs someone for 3 days a week, but I know he'll pay you well, and I'm sure you'd have no problem finding a few more gardens to do – there's mine for a start. You could have a nice, little business up and running before long.”

She stopped suddenly and peered at his face.

“Oh, what a silly old woman I am. Of course you're not interested in gardening for a living, you're one of those professional types. Suits and ties and everything. It was just a silly idea, forgive me.”

But Mark was shaking his head. “No, no, I am interested! It's a wonderful idea, I just don't know why I didn't think of it before. I hate working in offices, I´ve always hated working in offices, but gardening for a living...now that would be perfect.”

Mrs Clayton smiled in obvious relief.

“So, should I contact Mr Jenkins for an interview, then?”

“Oh no, dear. He says he interviewed the last one and look what happened there. No, he's happy to trust my judgement and says if you´re interested you can start tomorrow. He's got all his own tools of course, top of the range I dare say, so you just need to take yourself. Might have to get the bus, mind.”

Mark started laughing, amazed that he could actually see something funny about his car-less situation, but suddenly it didn't seem so important. And as Mrs Clayton turned to give him a quick wave from the top of the drive, he was struck by the fleeting yet powerful understanding of how quickly things could change; how nothing was permanent and how you might as well just be happy going with the flow because you never knew what was around the corner. Which was kind of what his nail-clippers had been telling him, he supposed.

He dashed to the cutlery drawer to retrieve them and standing at the pedal-bin, started clipping again, this time in excitement and happiness, rather than the anger of the previous night.

“ So, it seems I under-estimated you, you clever little clippers, you! I wish you'd started talking to me years ago, might have made my life a lot easier, and you know, I'm actually quite getting into all this lovey-dovey stuff. Who would have believed it? Let me ask you something, though, did you know this was going to happen all along?”

But there was no answer, and Mark smiled sadly remembering their deal that if he kept to his side of the bargain, they would leave him alone. Now, just a few short hours later and here he was, wishing that they would talk to him again. Who would have believed it? Who would have believed that he was actually going to miss that little voice? What if he forgot all this nicey-nicey malarkey and slipped back into his old ways? What if he needed them to stop him turning back into the grumpy old people-hater he used to be? What if he couldn't do it without them?

He was studying his hands as these doubts flew around his head, and was suddenly struck with another thought. Gardening gloves. He'd need his gloves for his new job tomorrow. He went straight to the shed to root out the pair he'd bought last week and, so far, used only once. Strange that he'd had that sudden compulsion to buy a new pair.

“Almost as if I knew,” he muttered to himself as he flung them onto the worktop next to the door, so that he wouldn't forget them in the morning.

“Of course you knew. You know more than you think. There´s a quiet, little voice communicating with you all day long if you´ll only listen.”

...said the gardening gloves.

Bad Habits & Negative Patterns

Christmas seems as good a time as any to tackle the subject of bad habits and negative patterns, as they do tend to rear their ugly heads big time during the holiday season.

Or do they? It´s all too easy to beat ourselves up for drinking too much, eating too much, partying too hard and spending way too much money but, as with all things in life, there is a more positive way to view all of this.

The first step is to stop seeing these so-called “ugly” aspects of ourselves as quite so...well...ugly. Instead of being hard on ourselves, or vehemently denying any of those aspects that we might be ashamed of or unhappy with, we could always try chuckling a bit to ourselves and saying something along the lines of “there I go again (overspending, overdrinking etc). There are undiscovered tribes in the heart of the Amazon rainforest who knew I´d do that.” And see how that feels. It´s not being flippant, it´s just a way of not taking things too seriously – which is always the healthiest option – and of freeing up all that energy you would have wasted feeling bad so that you can put it to better use.

In this way, our supposed vices lose their power over us and we give ourselves the space to see them in their true colours. We all have elements of ourselves that we would like to be different and when we are disappointed in ourselves, or feel like we´ve let ourselves (and perhaps others) down through repeating the same patterns, then that´s actually a very helpful tool – nothing less than our subconscious, or the Tao, giving us a nudge and letting us know that we could be doing things differently now if we wanted, and that the new way would be for our highest good. We could be even better than we are, in other words. Now, that´s not something to get upset and angry about, is it? Surely that´s a good thing!

But, for the most part, deeply ingrained habits, behavioural patterns and addictions, are not going to be changed overnight. So, patience with ourselves is crucial. Once you´ve noticed a negative pattern you´d like to change, immediately stop seeing it as a negative pattern. Start to see it as an opportunity to grow into the ideal vision of your perfect self. This is difficult and your monkey mind will bring it up at every available opportunity should you let it, so rather than fight this or dwell on it, the best retaliation is to focus on something else. What we focus on grows – so if we focus on the thing we want to quit doing, that will grow and we´ll do it all the more. Fact. If we focus on us NOT doing the thing (for instance, if you want to stop smoking, don´t battle the temptation for a ciggie, instead try to see yourself in your mind´s eye - especially on the occasions you would likely be smoking – as a non-smoker, having equally as good a time...better in fact...than if you were puffing away) then that is what will grow and eventually – it might take a bit of time, it depends on how focused and determined you are – that will naturally become your reality.

For a double-whammy effect on this business of what we focus on grows, another neat trick is to consciously remind yourself of all the good things you are doing – how well you are doing in other areas of your life. Taking the smoking example again – let´s say you smoke, but you have a healthy diet. Acknowledge yourself for that, then up it – make your diet even healthier, drink more water and start some kind of exercise plan. Focusing on that and giving yourself a regular good old pat on the back will make that positive side of you, the part of you that takes good care of your body and enjoys feeling healthy, grow until eventually, that will outweigh the negative effects of the smoking and more than likely, you´ll find yourself naturally and effortlessly packing in the ciggies. And even if not, you´re still doing more good by balancing it at least with something healthy, rather than beating yourself up or stressing yourself out making (probably) unrealistic New Year´s Resolutions to quit.

That´s just one example, of course, in a myriad scenarios. We all know what our own negative patterns are and more than likely, they will surface at some point during the holiday season! Whether we drink too much, eat too much, spend too much, party too hard, try too hard to please everybody, feel overly sorry for ourselves or snog too many work colleagues at the office party, we can choose, if we want, to let ourselves off the hook and focus instead on the good. And there is always good to be found.

The end of the year is always a good time to look back and take stock, so make a point of thinking about everything you´ve achieved this year. Write it all down. No doubt, there will be some big achievements that spring to mind straight away, but don´t forget to give yourself credit for the simpler, supposedly smaller, things too. We can never know the extent the smallest of our actions - a smile, a helping hand crossing a road, giving up a bus seat, giving a euro to a homeless person, standing up for someone – might have had on another person´s life and if a particular situation springs to mind, something that made you feel all warm and nice inside when you did it, then that´s an achievement. Get it on your list. At first, you´ll struggle to think of many things as your monkey mind tries to convince you this is a load of old cobblers, but stick with it and once you get into the flow, you´ll be surprised at just how long your list will grow.

When you have the proof there in front of you of just how well you are doing, and of all of your achievements, this should go somewhere towards getting it all into perspective. At the end of the day, there will always be some part of ourselves we´re not happy with – some habit or pattern – but as long as we are working on ourselves to be the best that we can be, and as long as our positive output exceeds the negative, then we´re doing all right. We´re still here, after all, hurtling through space at break-neck speed, on a little, blue planet with another 7 billion people so we can´t be doing too badly!

I wish you all a sparkling, magical time over the holidays, everybody – and let´s make that our new pattern for the whole of 2010. Sparkly magic!!

Merry Christmas! :)

Healing Loved Ones

It´s important, first and foremost, to understand exactly what we mean when we talk about healing.

Healing, literally, means to make whole; to see mind, body and spirit as one unified whole. And this is extremely difficult when we are dealing with loved ones who are suffering.

We desperately want to make them better, and the tendency (quite naturally) is to focus on the ailment. However, if we can, in the midst of our own emotions, remember that what we focus on grows, then we are in a much stronger position to do as much good as we possibly can.

Instead of seeing your loved one as someone suffering from cancer, or someone whose arthritis is causing them great pain, or whose depression seems to be getting worse, remind yourself that they, like all of us, are nothing less than a perfect expression of the Tao in human form. They are much more than their physical body, or their physical symptoms – they are divine sparks of light, spiritual beings here having their human experience.

This is crucial if we want to move away from the panicky, helpless feelings that threaten to take over when someone we care about is ill. The more we panic, the more we project that onto them and we run the risk of actually doing more harm than good. This is not to say that we are uncaring or unfeeling – far from it – our own feelings and fears are bound to surface and this is natural and healthy, but at the time when we are consciously giving healing, these have to be held in check.

You might be giving healing to your loved one by a formal hands-on treatment if they´re happy with that, or you might be doing it remotely if that is more appropriate. Distance/remote healing is every bit as powerful as a one-on-one, and the same principles apply.

First of all, bring your attention to yourself. Yes, yourself! Spend a few moments quietening your mind and feeling the energy of the universe moving through you, as it always is, but really try to tune into it. Now, ask – simply ask – for this universal energy to be charged with healing powers both for yourself and your loved one. At this point, you might start to feel a bit of a tingling in your palms and your feet, you might start to feel slightly warmer – there is no hard and fast rule, but once you feel some kind of connection, give thanks and state quite bluntly (no need for flowery explanations here) that your intention is to work with this energy for the purposes of healing name of loved one.

If you are with the person, place your hands on them wherever feels right – they might stay in one position, or you might feel you want to move them round. Don´t think about it or what it means, just go with it. If you are at a distance, imagine doing it. Make sure you are breathing deep into your abdomen and start now to visualise.

Imagine soothing golden light totally surrounding both you and your loved one as the two of you experience this healing together. Know that you are perfectly safe. Then ask for this healing-imbued energy to flow into the person´s physical body, to whatever part of the body would benefit most from it. Ask for all blockages, all areas of stuck energy to be replaced now by this wonderful flow of healing energy and for the person to receive healing on all levels – mind, body and spirit.

This is just a guide – what I felt guided to write at this moment – when you are tuned into the universal flow of healing energy, you will find yourself silently saying exactly the right words and exactly the right visualisations will be strong in your mind. You may picture angels, spirit guides, fairies, you might hear healing sounds, or see lights. You may see nothing at all, it may just be a sensation – it doesn´t matter – just be open to whatever happens, safe in the knowledge that your request has been heard and is being acted upon.

Then comes the hard bit. Whether you are healing a loved one who has a headache, or a serious disease, you have to let go and trust the process. It is not our job to specify the outcome, what is important is the intention to heal, to make whole in whatever way is for our loved one´s highest and greatest good. So, avoid begging or pleading for the person to “get better” - remember, healing means make whole, not make better and as twisted as it sounds, our interpretation of “better” might not actually be for our loved one´s highest good at that time. For instance, if there appears to be no improvement to, say, a headache or an upset stomach, perhaps the most beneficial thing for them is a break from work, or to avoid going out that evening. The healing energy, the person´s body-wisdom, spirit and the Tao know best – not us – and we have to trust that, even when we are dealing with something more serious, even terminal. The purpose of our healing should be to assist on all levels, not to interfere with another soul´s journey by our own needs, wishes and what we see as “best” for the person getting in the way. This is the highest form of healing, the greatest gift we can possibly give. It is the only true form of healing.

OK, so that was a bit of a heavy one today, wasn´t it? When I decide to write a column, I just sit quietly first and ask what would be the most useful thing to write about today, and then I go with the first answer to come to me, so I´m not sure why I was guided to write this one, but no doubt there is a good reason.

And who I am to argue? :)

Sending love & healing energy to you all.

The Inner-Saboteur

When it was my fifth birthday, I behaved so badly that my mother said I could never have another birthday party again. There is a photo of me that day, surrounded by my little friends, with my arms crossed, scowling at the camera. The problem was, one of the other kids had just won at Pin the Tail on the Donkey and I was furious. This was my party, surely I should win everything.

The inner saboteur is just like that naughty little girl; not content with cards, gifts, party and cake, she´s got to win all the games, too. There is no pleasing the inner saboteur. No matter how well we are doing, no matter how good things are, the inner saboteur will always turn up, usually as we are just about to fall asleep and nudge us awake with a sudden shout of....

“that´s all well and good, but you haven´t done so-and-so yet. And what about when you made a fool of yourself doing this. And don´t forget, you should still be feeling guilty about that.”

There is absolutely no getting away from the inner saboteur – it´s a part of us – so the best thing we can do for starters is to accept it; to realise that it´s just yin & yang at play and there has got to be some element of dark in light (just as there is always some element of light in dark) because it´s impossible to have one without the other. The inner saboteur is just playing the role of the dark, the yin, that is absolutely necessary to keep our lives in balance – so really, we should be thanking it.

That doesn´t, however, mean that we have to give in to it and let it take over. Ignoring it or getting angry with it never works – it will just shout all the louder. The most effective thing to do is to face up to it, confront it. Explain that you understand it has a job to do, but things are going to be different from now on. You are in control, and everything is just fine and dandy. It can chill out and enjoy the ride. Think of it as a child and you as an adult soothing it.

It will take some work, the inner saboteur will not be convinced straight away and will continue to play up so it´s your job to work at reassuring it. As we know, what we focus on grows, so rather than indulging it when it starts to whine, immediately turn your attention to the positive, the light, the yang elements going on in your life.

By focusing on the good and patting ourselves on the head for all of our achievements, we are not pushing the inner saboteur away so it will not feel that its nose has been put out of joint. Little by little, the positive grows and the light naturally starts to override the dark. At this point, the inner saboteur is still there, but is far more quiet and settled, and our lives generally become much more light-filled and joyful.

Above all, the key to dealing with the inner saboteur is to not take it too seriously. That´s why it´s effective to view it as an attention-seeking child. It´s all part of the game of life, it keeps everything interesting and stops us from becoming complacent or too “up in the clouds” all the time.

Once it understands the rules, it will start to behave itself, just as I did all those years ago. My mother´s threat was lifted due to my angelic behaviour from then on (!!??), my 6th birthday party was a roaring success, and I didn´t play up once. Not even when one of my friends sat on the cake.

But that´s another story :)

Self-Motivation

Oh, I don´t know if I can be bothered writing this!!

Only joking...although I have to admit I am feeling a tad tired today after an unusually poor night´s sleep, so I figure this is as good a day as any to write about self-motivation.

Perhaps the best way to look at this whole business of motivating ourselves, is to first of all ask what is stopping us from feeling motivated in the first place? It´s all too easy to flippantly blame “laziness” or “idleness” - we do love to beat ourselves up after all. But when you stop and think about it a little bit deeper, there is always something else going on beneath the surface.

For the most part, lack of motivation usually stems from fear; fear that we will be unable to cope with something, or won´t be able to complete it; fear that we will fail or do a bad job; fear that it won´t work out quite as we expected and we will have to admit we were wrong; fear that people will laugh at us and we´ll look silly. But as Stephen King says (and I am paraphrasing here) “getting started is the hard part, after that the rest is easy”.

So, let´s get started!

I find Qi Gong exercises the best to get me motivated, but anything that gets the energy flowing around the body and the mind is good – a quick boogie in the lounge to an uplifting tune, a jog around the block, a shower, scalp massage – whatever works for you, but it should be something you enjoy that´s going to make you feel good. Couple the activity with (yes, you guessed it) affirmations – something along the lines of “I am filled with motivated energy. I am charged with energised chi,” and within a very short space of time – less than 5 minutes – you´ll be starting to feel a slight buzz of enthusiasm.

Next, visualise yourself having done whatever it is you were so un-motivated to do, feeling chuffed to bits with yourself and telling someone you care about “you know what? I really wasn´t in the mood, but once I got started, it was easy and I loved every minute.” Try to feel as strongly as possible the relief, the pride, the excitement, the happiness, the sense of achievement you´ll feel...as this is true motivation. We all want to feel like that as much as possible, don´t we?

Having said that, there are inevitably times when we absolutely do not want to do a particular thing and sometimes this has nothing to do with motivation at all. Sometimes, it simply might not be right, might not be in our best interests or for our highest goods to do a certain thing at a certain time. It´s important to tell the difference. When our inner voice is advising us against doing something, the message will be calm and soft with an overriding sense of easiness about the decision. Putting a note in our planner to remind us to do it another day feels like the natural, sensible thing to do and almost immediately, we will feel prompted to do something else – something that will prove to be a more constructive and appropriate use of our time and energy at that moment.

In other words, follow where your inner voice and your energy is leading you. Go with the flow and you won´t go far wrong. As my hubby is fond of saying “don´t yin when you should yang and don´t yang when you should yin”.

Wise words indeed!

Until next time....Namaste.

:)

Kicking self-doubt´s butt!

Self-doubt arises when we don´t trust ourselves. We don´t think we´re good enough, talented enough, attractive enough, important enough, intelligent enough, rich enough, young enough, old enough...I could go on, but you get my drift.

And that´s OK. Seriously, it is. Self-doubt is, for the vast majority of us (I might even be so bold as to say all of us) unavoidable at certain times in our lives, so we might as well make the most of it, don´t you think? Because, believe it or not, if we so choose we can, in fact, let it work with us rather than against us, and here´s how.

If we keep on remembering the universal law of yin & yang – the ever present spot of light in the dark and dark in the light – then we realise that the things we see and categorise as “bad” are never totally that, any more than the things we see and categorise as “good” are never totally that either. There is always some good in bad and some bad in good. Whichever we choose to focus on is the element that will grow.

So, when it comes to self-doubt, if we can accept that it does have its positive elements, its helpful side, then we´re getting somewhere. All that self-doubt is trying to do at the end of the day is to protect us, to save us from possible failure, humiliation, destitution, maybe even death. It might have a tendency to take itself terribly seriously and be a bit of a drama-queen, but it amounts to no more than a well-intentioned warning that “things just might go wrong you know.”

Seen in that light, it doesn´t seem all that bad, does it? It´s when we let it spiral out of control, when we allow our monkey-mind´s incessant chattering to plunge us into the murky waters of self-pity and self-sabotage that it becomes a hindrance in our lives and, at those times, it is advisable to kick its butt.

The next time self-doubt creeps up on you, view it as an opportunity to regain your confidence, to affirm your intention and your power to the universe. It needn´t stop you in your tracks, fill you with fear and make you feel like a victim, useless and powerless to instigate any change in your life. You are in control and you are choosing to do things differently from now on. Hold an image in your mind´s eye of the outcome you are intending. See yourself successfully having accomplished whatever it is you are intending to accomplish. You don´t even need to know how you did it, just see yourself wherever it is you intend to be, feeling however you intend to feel, looking however you intend to look, succeeding at whatever you intend to succeed at. If the image isn´t all that clear, don´t worry, focus rather on the emotions that this scenario causes and feel them all as fully as possible. Enjoy them!

It´s a simple choice; focus on the dark or focus on the light. They will always both be present, but as I said before (and it´s well worth repeating because it´s the truth) what we focus on grows.

In other words, self-doubt can be an enemy, or an ally. It´s up to us.

And even though we can kick its butt, we can never knock it out of the ring completely.

Which, all things considered, is probably a good thing.

Breaking Free from Restrictive Situations

The good news is – there is no such thing as a restrictive situation. The bad news is – we just don´t (or won´t) believe it.

The illusion of reality is so strong that we honestly believe that certain situations, certain people, certain groups of people “out there” have some kind of hold over us and are the ones restricting us. And that, quite simply, is not the case.

Whilst it might appear on the surface that we are stuck in this mind-numbing job because (sharp inhale) how else would we pay the bills; whilst there may seem to be no way out of the abusive relationship we´ve tolerated for years; whilst we “just couldn´t” upsticks and move out of the two-horse town our family has lived in for generations; whilst we would never have the nerve to suggest a Yoga retreat as the annual holiday with our friends, instead of the obligatory week-long drinking binge in Iyanapa – what we need to understand is that all restrictions are self-imposed. They are inside us, not “out there”. And given that, as universal law dictates (whether we like it or believe in it or not), the outer world reflects our inner state of being, then it would seem to make sense to change the situation from the inside – in other words, change how we perceive the situation in our mind´s eye – and watch outer reality follow suit. Wouldn´t it? Good....

I know I rattle on and on in these columns about the power of affirmations, but what can I tell you...I do them all the time and they work. ´Nuff said. So, it should come as no surprise that my first suggestion, if you´re serious about breaking free from whatever restrictions you are experiencing in your life, is the following affirmation which I learned from Barefoot Doctor at his Global Meditation & Dub Spirit events.

“I am free to do whatever I choose. I have everything to gain and nothing to lose.”

Over and over again – it´s a good one to chant in your head (or under your breath...even at the top of your voice if the fancy takes you) whilst walking, I´ve found. By keeping on affirming this with as much feeling behind it as you can muster, you are in effect stating to the Tao, the Universe, your Higher Self, God/dess, the Divine (whatever your preferred term for the Absolute) that you are now living in a state of trust and faith that the miracle, the gift of your being alive here and now was not to make you suffer or struggle, or to restrict you in any way. We are divine sparks of light, perfect expressions of the Tao in human form – how can that ever be restricted? Think about it. It can´t!

If you are feeling restricted in any area of your life, it is a sign that there is something better awaiting you. It is nothing less than an opportunity to move forward, to grow, to achieve your full potential, to attain your perfect fulfilment and satisfaction – you deserve no less and rest assured, this is what the Tao expressing itself through you wants.

So, welcome the restrictions – or at least acknowledge them. Then spend time visualising yourself in your mind´s eye, completely free of all restrictions – feeling relieved and exhilarated and immensely grateful for the way things have turned out. And here´s the tricky bit for us control-freak humans – DO NOT try to figure out the hows and whys – you don´t need to know HOW it will all work out (this will only get in the way of the power behind this visualisation because your rational mind will end up talking you out of it by telling you how this couldn´t possibly work because of that blah blah blah) – you just need to put out the message to the universe that you trust that it WILL all work out. And you know why that is....it´s because that´s the universe´s job – to sort out the details and shift reality about so that your affirmations and visualisations manifest in the “real” world in the best possible way for you and everyone else concerned.

It´s the expert at it.

We´re rubbish at it.

So, just ask it to do it and let it get on with it.

And above all, as you find these perceived restrictions suddenly magically and effortlessly overcome, as you find yourself naturally flowing more easily in your life, don´t forget to maintain an attitude of gratitude.

To everyone and everything in your life.

To all that is.

Always.

:)

Lighten up!

I´ve got to tell you that I started writing this column yesterday, but gave up on it after an hour or so of struggling to make it sound anything like interesting. It was only after I´d walked away from my computer in a huff, convinced that I would never write anything of any worth ever again, that the irony hit me. Here I was, writing a column on lightening up....and taking it oh so very seriously!

And that´s the whole point, isn´t it? The times we need to lighten up are the times when we are taking ourselves seriously – and as human beings, we tend to do that quite a lot. But the simple fact is that no matter what appears to “happen” to us, it´s how we choose to respond, how we choose to view it, that has the power to make us feel this way or that – not the actual happening itself. We can choose to let that shop assistant who was so rude to us earlier put us in a bad mood for the rest of the day; we can choose to let one perceived failing or embarrassment knock our confidence; we can choose to allow the odd let-down or disappointment to shake our faith in human nature...or, we can acknowledge the experience, then choose to focus on the positive, the good experiences, the good people and the success we´ve known in our lives.

This, I suppose is pretty basic day-to-day stuff – but what about when something really huge happens? Something that, no matter how you look at it, is bad, unexpected and unwelcome in your life? I´m certainly not suggesting that every major event or upset be handled with a forced laugh or chin-up type mentality. On the contrary, it is crucial to allow all the pain and all the sadness to come to the surface, otherwise it will fester and cause a whole host of other problems to arise. Unresolved issues and swept-under-the-carpet feelings, on an energetic level, never disappear. What we need to understand is that everything happens for a reason, to teach us something, to give us the gift of learning and growing. Again, how we choose to handle these kinds of situations is entirely up to us. Lightening up does not mean being flippant, or ignoring something that is upsetting to us. It means dealing with it consciously, figuring out what help we need and then actively seeking it.

The Universal Law of Yin and Yang is ever present. What this means is that when things are at their darkest, when we are feeling at our worst, as difficult as it may be to believe at the time, a period of light has already started. Fact. If we can allow ourselves to trust in this and not be too overwhelmed, too engrossed in our negative feelings, then we are more open to accept the light when it starts to shine on us, as inevitably it will.

Conversely, when things are at a peak – when everything is wonderful for us – this heralds a period of dark commencing. This is not depressing, not something we should dread, it´s simply something very useful to bear in mind. The trick is not to take either too seriously. If we can remain in a state of grace and gratitude whether we are in a “dark” time or a “light” time, safe in the knowledge that “this too shall pass” and not get too carried away with the drama of being either over-excited when things are “good”, or over-depressed when things are “bad” then we are in the flow of life and the more easily we can handle anything.

We are not taking ourselves too seriously.

And if you do find yourself succumbing to seriousness and heaviness, here´s an affirmation that works for me (and I do have a tendency to take myself seriously if I don´t keep an eye on myself!)

“I am love and light”.

Because, of course, that´s what we are – divine sparks of light. Whatever happens in your life, remember that, and remember also the lovely quote:

“Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.”

Love and light(ness) to you all. :)

Self-Healing

Self-healing is one of those funny things – we don´t really think about doing it until something goes wrong and we find ourselves sick.

Perhaps it´s something to do with our system of medicine in the west – I mean, we only go to the doctors after we actually become ill. When was the last time you visited your local GP and said “no, everything´s fine thanks, doc. I was just wondering if there was a prescription you could give me to help me keep it that way”? So, we´re used to paying attention to our bodies only when they are displaying unpleasant or frightening symptoms.

What we need to understand is that by the time we get to that stage – by the time we are sick – our bodies have, in fact, been giving us warnings and messages which we have ignored or misunderstood, so the only alternative left is for them to stop us in our tracks, make us ill and make us do something about it. Wouldn´t it make more sense if we could just take a few moments each day to consciously tune into our bodies and listen to what they´re trying to tell us – and thereby prevent many of the illnesses we fall prey to? This is the core of true self-healing.

And...it´s easy.

I found myself naturally starting to do this as I was doing my Reiki attunements – although you certainly don´t need to be a Reiki healer – or any other kind of qualified healer for that matter – to practice this. It´s just common sense. Get into the habit of noticing what´s going on in your body. For instance, if your shoulders get sore after a while sitting at your computer, you might want to change your posture and expand everything a little bit. If you find yourself feeling bloaty at the end of the day, perhaps it´s a message to drink more water. If your chest feels tight in certain situations or in the company in certain people, it might be a good idea to focus on breathing deeply into your abdomen. Persistent heartburn could well be a sign that you´re eating too much rich, spicy food. Lower back pain in a morning might be a message to change your mattress. Simple things – but noticing them and taking action could prevent a whole host of unpleasant and unnecessary nastiness.

Prevention is better than cure, as they say, and I believe them. Our bodies are always on our side; they know what is best for them and for us. And if we could take this a stage further and spend a few moments, preferably each day, visualising a beam of golden light from the universe, entering us through our crown chakra, flowing naturally down our bodies, gently but firmly coursing through any areas of stuck energy, any areas of dis-ease or potential dis-ease and replacing them immediately with healing energy for our highest and greatest good, then we could save ourselves a whole host of possible problems. We become stronger and more in tune with our bodies and our health.

Regular practice of something like Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Yoga or swimming – something that aligns the breath with the movement of the body and gets the chi flowing healthily around the body are also wonderful tools in the self-healing process.

But of course, there might come times when, with the best will in the world, we get ill as I found out myself just the other day. We´d been out to a restaurant with my parents, for a farewell dinner on the last night of their visit here and even though we´d throughly enjoyed our meals, both me and my hubby woke up through the night with chronic pains in our stomachs and...not wanting to be too graphic...an urgent need for the bathroom – an experience that proved most unpleasant for both of us! This continued for a good couple of days, leaving us feeling drained and decidedly off-colour. Now, these kinds of things can´t be avoided – sometimes shit happens (pun intended!). But, if we are strong to start with, we can handle it much better and more healthily. It´s important at times like these to accept you´re feeling lousy and be gentle with yourself. Keep visualising that stream of healing energy fighting the negative and doing you good. Ask it directly to do so and trust that it will.

Maintaining a sense of gratitude also helps enormously. If one part of your body is feeling sick, send it love and healing, then focus on and give thanks for another part that is functioning well and healthily. Focus on all the blessings of your life and I guarantee that before long, that gratitude and positivity will have an impact on the not-so good aspects.

For now, even though Mike and I are far from recovered from our stomach upsets, I´m choosing to focus on giving thanks for all the things working well within my body.

And above all, I give thanks for the fact that we have two bathrooms in our house!!!

Sending healing light and love to everyone reading this.

Namaste.

Stepping out of your Comfort Zone

Now, why on earth would we want to do that? Isn´t being in our comfort zone all kind of comfortable and comforting? Well, yes, for a while, but Clint Eastwood summed it up nicely in an interview I saw with him recently. He said that when he was a child his father had told him that you either expand or decay - “and I didn´t want to decay.” You have to admit, it seems to have worked well for him, and I figured, if it´s good enough for Clint, then it´s good enough for us.

We stay in our comfort zones due to the stories we are telling ourselves about our lives, our capabilities, our talents, our weaknesses, our backgrounds – and countless other elements that we perceive as making up “us” and our place in the world. And for the most part, this is a pretty limited vision – partly due to the fact that a lot of our beliefs about ourselves are inherited from parents, teachers, family, friends and other influential people in our lives, and it simply doesn´t occur to us to question it; and partly due to our own lack of self-confidence and belief in ourselves.

But that´s all it is – a vision. And we can expand it any time we want, in fact, we all do. Those times we catch ourselves daydreaming about how things could have been, entertaining those fantasies in which we are perfect – the true hero/heroine of our life movie. Come on, don´t pretend you don´t know what I mean...we´ve all used hairbrushes as microphones and sung in front of an adoring, imaginary audience; we´ve all been the one who kicked the bad man´s butt and saved the day - that kind of thing! The reason we inevitably snap ourselves out of these “fantasies” is because it somehow feels easier and safer to stay put. To stay where things are familiar and you´re not venturing out into the land of the unknown.

Wouldn´t it be something, though, if we did just allow ourselves to go with these expanded visions?

Take a quiet few moments and just let your mind expand out and out, and see where it takes you. What is your greatest vision of yourself? It doesn´t matter if your rational mind starts sniggering at you and trying to get you to stop being so ridiculous and please come back to reality right now before you make a complete fool of yourself. It´s important to understand that it´s more than likely this vision will be acting very much like a dream – in other words, more symbolic than literal. What does it mean or signify to you personally? How does it make you feel? For instance, in my mind´s eye, I can hold an arena full of admiring fans enraptured with my amazingly powerful and beautiful voice as I belt out song after song and take the roof off the place. In reality, I´m very self-conscious and completely tone-deaf!! It´s at this stage, if we listen to our rational minds, that we feel stupid at even daring to think such unrealistic thoughts and quickly push them away.

What I´m suggesting is that each of these thoughts is trying to tell us something about ourselves and where we could be heading next, if we want to step out of our comfort zone and fulfil our highest potential. Me standing on stage singing has nothing to do with me standing on stage singing – were I ever to find myself on a stage, microphone in hand, in front of thousands of people, I guarantee I would throw up. No, what it symbolises to me personally is my deep-held wish to have my voice heard, to make people feel better, uplifted, inspired by my words – in reality, words I write, certainly not words I sing!

So, if stepping out of your comfort zone and achieving your highest potential is your thing, allow yourself to think BIG. It´s not childish, it´s not unrealistic and it´s not pointless. You just need to quiet your rational mind enough to hear the true message of your higher self which is concerned only with your highest good and in showing you the next best possible and most empowering step you could take.

Understand.

Trust.

Then go for it!

On Being a People Pleaser

What exactly is wrong with people pleasing? Why should the words, “s/he´s just a people-pleaser” carry such negative connotations? What´s the alternative – be a people-pisser-off?

Pleasing other people is a wonderful thing to do – as spiritual beings having our human experience, it´s our duty to please each other as much as we possibly can. What we give out, we get back multiplied after all, so it makes life better and more pleasing for everyone. Which is all well and good, but the thing to bear in mind is this...it´s not the actual act – the thing you did or didn´t do, said or didn´t say to the person you pleased – it´s the energy, the motivation behind it that matters. In other words, if your heart isn´t in it, if you don´t genuinely mean it, then you are not acting as your authentic self and in the long run, this pleases no-one. Least of all the Tao.

I suppose what it all boils down to is self-worth. We find ourselves agreeing to things, smiling when we don´t mean it, keeping quiet because we don´t want to rock the boat, letting people off the hook because we´re scared of the consequences if we don´t. We´re scared of disapproval, of confrontation, of being considered mean, of making a fuss and it´s easier to just grin and bear it than to be true to ourselves and do (or not do) what we know is right for us.

But, like I said, people-pleasing for the wrong reasons is fuelled with negative energy and serves no positive purpose whatsoever. Not even to the person you supposedly “pleased” - whatever it was you did to please them is cancelled out by the negativity surrounding it – your feelings of resentment, anger, frustration etc towards them, and eventually, in one guise or another, those energies will come full circle and have a detrimental effect on everyone concerned.

So, it´s best to start by working on your feelings of self-worth. Remind yourself as many times as you remember through the day (and this is a good one to do whilst looking at your own reflection in a mirror) “I matter. I count. I am worthy.” Once your subconscious mind has processed and accepted this as truth, you will naturally know your own worth and feel more confident in declining to please people for pleasing people´s sake.

There will still be times, no doubt, when you find yourself confronted with a situation and you´re teetering between doing what feels right to you and taking the so-called “easy” option and people-pleasing. Try to remember that what this actually is, is a gift from the universe or the Tao, an opportunity to put your best authentic self forward and to act from the heart no matter what other people may think.

And if, now and again (as we all do), you do find yourself agreeing to people pleasing – well, so what? Don´t beat yourself up. Try to look at the situation differently – do whatever it is with as much of your heart as you can and, above all, do not harbour negative thoughts or feelings about the person or people involved. It´s a lesson, a chance for you to get clearer about what is and isn´t right for you. To boost your self-worth. And perhaps next time, you´ll feel more confident about putting your own feelings and truths first.

Remember, when something makes you feel heavy or resentful, your inner voice is trying to tell you you are off-kilter here and no-one benefits in the long run. However, when you are filled with love, lightness, joy and a deep sense of gratitude in being able to be pleasing or helpful to someone – that´s for everyone´s highest good, and opportunities like this should be actively sought out and carried out unconditionally as much as possible. To genuinely please someone is a gift – not just to them, but to you too. It raises your energy vibration and just makes you feel darned good!

But remember above all - you are worthy. You do count.

Yes, I´m talking to you.

And I´m not just saying that to please you. :)

Speaking Your Truth

OK, I will be the first to admit that, half of the time, I don´t even know what my truth is. I get confused, you see. I like to listen to other people – their opinions, their beliefs, their ways of doing things – and even though, sometimes, these can be completely at odds with my own take on life, I still find myself wondering “hmmm, what if?”

I don´t suppose it´s necessarily a bad thing – being able and willing to see things from someone else´s point of view and taking on board someone else´s opinion. Flexibility is always preferable to a rigid mindset, otherwise we´d never learn or move on. But there comes a point where we have to assimilate all the evidence then ask ourselves what it is we really think of the situation.

It doesn´t matter if you´re dealing with something “minor”, like cancelling the party all your friends were looking forward to because you just don´t feel like it tonight; or if it´s something “big” such as a life-changing experience you´re about to embark on that you know your family and friends won´t understand or approve of. Trying to explain to people the reasons why you have made a particular decision, or chosen a particular path – speaking your truth in other words – is not an easy task.

The first thing that happens is that we start to imagine the responses we will get when we do speak our truth. The criticisms, the ridicule, the anger, the hurt we are sure we will be confronted with. And that leads on to us rehearsing our retaliation – we start to focus on justifying ourselves and being all defensive. We´re more concerned with being “right” than simply explaining how we feel. Unfortunately, the more time and energy we spend in these negative fantasy scenarios, the less connected we become to our truth – to our real motivation for the decisions we´ve made – and the less connected we are to our truth, the less we are able to speak it clearly. What a horrible vicious circle!

The most positive thing we can do – and, in fact, the fairest for everybody involved – is to consciously stop those imaginary confrontations as soon as they start to take over your mind. Breathe deeply and ask your higher self or the Tao to remind you, once again, of your truth. You may find the babble of doubt still continues at the front of your brain for a while, but keep breathing and listen for the quieter, less frantic, gentler voice of truth to whisper its reassurance to you. The more you can tune into this, the clearer your true intentions become and the more likely you will put across your truth, when it comes to the time to speak it, in a calm and confident manner – rather than in a shrill, confrontational, defensive one. Now, that is definitely better for everyone concerned.

At the end of the day, our fear of speaking our truth, or rather, our fear of being misunderstood or criticised, stems from our fundamental need to be approved of at all times. If we can move beyond this, we begin to see that whoever it is we are speaking our truth to, whatever role they are playing in our lives – they have the right to think whatever they want about us and our choices, they have the right to react however they choose. This is not a “to hell with what everybody thinks” type of attitude – this is pure and simple respectful honesty (in sharing your truth with them) and trust (that they´ll deal with it in the best way they can). In other words, you can only speak your truth; you cannot be responsible for other people´s reactions to it.

As much as we´d all like to be all things to all people, to please all the people in our lives all of the time, we have to accept that this is unlikely to be possible. As long as we are not harming another living being on the planet, we are all free to take whatever path we choose, and this is worth us all bearing in mind.

The less judgemental we are ourselves about other people and their decisions, or their truths, the more acceptance we are likely to attract into our own lives.

Living in the Present Moment

In a Stephen King novel I read recently, one of the characters says “whatever I do, I rush through so I can do something else.” And I knew exactly what they meant – don´t you? If I´m catching up on e-mails, I´m thinking I´d best hurry up so I can clean the bathroom. If I´m doing Qi Gong exercises, shouldn´t I really be doing Yoga? If I´m reading, why am I not writing? If I´m watching a movie, am I missing out on some sparkling night out? I´m even writing this, wondering if I shouldn´t be preparing dinner by now. And I really need to empty the washing machine. And what about that short story I started a while ago.....

In NLP there is a thing called the Time Line. Some people when they think about time as a line (in their mind´s eye) see the past as a point to the left, running to the future which is a point on the right, with the present right in the middle (sometimes left-handed people see it the other way around). Other people see the past as a point behind them running in a line to the future in front of them. This latter group are usually the best at being present, fully engrossed in what they are doing at any one time. Needless to say, I belong to the former – and I´ve found it does help to consciously change the way I visualise time (from side to side to front to back)...when I remember to do it!

There´s a lot to be said about living in the Now, not least of which is the fact that you really do feel more alive. When your mind is all over the place, flitting from one thing to the next, you tend to miss out on what is actually going on right now. The simple fact is that, in any given situation at any time, there is a whole world of beauty, a whole host of things to notice and to fascinate us, if we will only stop for a second and appreciate them. When you think about it, it´s actually quite rude not to and can in fact, be dangerous. Doesn´t it worry anyone else that you can drive a route you take regularly, and not remember the journey when you get there? It´s like sleepwalking and leaves us feeling at best dissatisfied and at worst out of control and vulnerable.

When we are fully present, living consciously as much as we can, we feel more in control, things stop just happening “to” us and our lives become fuller and brighter. The best way to settle ourselves down when our heads start spinning with all that we should be doing, rather than enjoying where we´re actually at, is plain and simple breathing. Honestly! Within seconds, if we focus on our breath, slow it down, make the inhalations and exhalations of equal duration and breathe deeply into the abdomen, everything kind of slots back into place and before you know where you are, you are right back where you are. Doing whatever it is you´re doing. Couple this with the affirmation that you are always in the right place at the right time doing the right thing with the right people for the right result and you´re onto a sure-fire winner. And once you´re back in the zone, in the Now, it´s a good idea to take a look around – notice something you hadn´t seen before about the room (or wherever) you happen to be. Notice how you´re feeling. Notice how the energy feels. I´m willing to bet a small fortune that something new will reveal itself to you, and you´ll find yourself smiling, happy to be exactly where you are and filled with the wonder of it all. Of being alive.

At the end of the day, it´s handy to remember that time is only an illusion anyway – created simply to stop everything from happening all at once and making an almighty mess. Thinking about this for too long, however, can really screw you up, so don´t try to understand how and why – just realise that Now, this very moment is the only thing that is real, the only thing that matters, the only thing you truly have and this should be enough to humble us all into appreciating it and everything that it is bringing to us. Now.

Bear in mind that the Universe or the Tao is communicating with us all day long, and the only way we can hear & see the magic and the messages for our highest good is by being alive. Right here, right now.

And now, if you´ll excuse me, I´ve got to go and get dinner on!

Keeping Yourself Protected from Negative Energy

The first thing that we really need to get to grips with here, the most important thing to understand, is that energy – negative or otherwise – only ever comes our way as a direct reflection of what energy we have been putting out. What you put out, you get back. Usually multiplied. Think negative thoughts about someone – in other words, put out negative energy – then that negative energy will bounce right back to you (and not necessarily from the person you directed it to in the first place). The flip side to this, of course, is that all good & loving thoughts/energy you beam out will also return to you multiplied. So, you see what I´m getting at here – making sure you keep your thoughts positive and kind is a key factor in keeping you protected from negative energy.

But, come on, there are inevitably times when we feel downright bloody-minded and end up having a good old bitching session about this person, that situation. None of us are saints (and if there are any saints reading this, please get in touch and I will re-write this column!) and living in the World of the Ten Thousands Things (as the Taoists call it) can be confusing, fearful, frustrating and annoying – all the things guaranteed to get our negative juices flowing. All we can do is to be aware of the thoughts and energy we are projecting and if they are not so positive once in a while, to refrain from beating ourselves up and simply acknowledge the fact we are having a bad hair day, then consciously beam out some good vibes to get our balance back.

So whilst it certainly helps to be aware that, on a deep level, we are responsible for all the energy coming our way, I´m sure we´ve all had times in our lives when we´ve been on the receiving end of some-one´s negative energy (a psychic attack, as it were) and we haven´t a clue why. Why should it be that the first time you meet a particular person, you feel hostility emanating from them straight away? Why does this other person always somehow make you feel inadequate, or wind you up? You know the type of thing I´m talking about. Maybe it´s just their issues, perhaps they´re jealous of you, perhaps you inadvertently once said something they took exception to. Who knows? Shit happens. But the one thing we can be sure of is that we will receive a gentle warning from the Tao – a kind of “watch your back here” sensation. And this is tricky, because I believe all of us are a bit paranoid at times and we need to distinguish between the incessant chatter going on in our heads that tells us we are unworthy and the world is a hostile place full of hostile people, and that quiet voice that whispers only truths for our highest good.

The more we can be tuned in at all times to that little voice, the more protected we will be from negative energy. See my article on “Intuition Rocks” for a more in-depth explanation, but in a nutshell, anything in your head that sounds harsh and shrill and makes your stomach flip in a sort of “oh no” fashion is more than likely to be “monkey mind” and should be viewed with suspicion. Anything that comes through quietly and calmly, more from the back of your mind rather than the emotion-fuelled front, and gives you a comforting sense of “a-ha” will be what you truly need to know. The more meditation you do, the more you focus on your breathing (deep into your abdomen and not shallow in your chest), the more Yoga, Qi Gong & Tai Chi you can incorporate into your daily life, the more easily you will be able to attune to your inner voice and the clearer all things will be.

Affirmations and visualisations, as always, are wonderful tools. Start each day visualising a rose-coloured light emanating from your heart. Watch it as it expands and forms a bubble around you. Charge it with the power to allow in only good, loving, healing vibes and to bounce back to the universe any negative energy that may come your way, for it to be refined into something more positive. Then affirm as many times as you can as you go through your day - “I am safe and divinely protected always”.

And it will be so. For you and everyone you come into contact with.

And so it is. :)

Miracles

The first thing you should know about miracles – and this may come as a bit of a shock – is that they are, in fact, quite natural and not really miraculous at all. Now I´m not dissing miracles here – far from it – I´m merely pointing out that miracles are not just random things that happen to us if we are extremely lucky; no, miracles are (or can be) a standard part of our everyday reality. They are our birthright – a gift from the Tao that we can tune into and instigate whenever we want.

And if we do want to do that, we need to get back into miracle-mindedness – stop seeing miracles as things like winning the lottery or getting your kids to do the dishes, and focus instead on the mind-boggling fact that you are currently on a planet hurtling through space at an astonishing rate of knots and, against all the odds, you are ALIVE. That, my friends, is a miracle! Once we´ve had chance to digest that and fully realise its significance, then we start to see miracles all around us every day and the more we can live in a state of miracle-mindedness, the more miracles come our way.

Of course, there are always times when something happens in our lives and we need a big, fat miracle to help us out. To instigate a miracle, affirmations work really well. Try something like “I am now instigating a miracle in my life to resolve (state issue) easily and gracefully” or more simply, just “I am now expecting miracles in my life”. Then perhaps try a spot of visualisation – seeing yourself in your mind´s eye, excited and grateful at said miracle having occurred and your life now being more in flow as a result – you don´t need to know what form the miracle will come in (in fact, don´t even try to guess – it´s the Tao´s job to sort out the finer details and it might find it quite rude if you start interfering) – just focus on the sense of relief, thankfulness and excitement you will undoubtedly feel once it happens. Then, just get on with your day. Don´t worry about it, don´t even think about it too much, just trust that a miracle is on its way and will occur at exactly the right time. This is difficult, I know, but try to think of it like ordering your food in a restaurant. Once you´ve told the waiter what you want, you don´t keep jumping up every few seconds and dashing to the kitchen just to make sure the chef´s got the order and is preparing your food right, do you? No, you just assume everything is being handled behind the scenes, you relax and look forward to your meal -and the same is true of miracles. Expect them and they will come.

Life was never meant to be a struggle. The Tao knows that and miracles know that, it´s just we humans who have forgotten. Let´s all try to remember as often as possible now, that it is perfectly all right to ask for help, and it´s perfectly all right to expect that help to come to us by way of miracles – it´s what they do best, after all!

And who knows...the more of us bringing miracles into our lives, the more positive energy we will be spreading and wouldn´t that make a better world for everyone?

I´d say so.