Bad Habits & Negative Patterns

Christmas seems as good a time as any to tackle the subject of bad habits and negative patterns, as they do tend to rear their ugly heads big time during the holiday season.

Or do they? It´s all too easy to beat ourselves up for drinking too much, eating too much, partying too hard and spending way too much money but, as with all things in life, there is a more positive way to view all of this.

The first step is to stop seeing these so-called “ugly” aspects of ourselves as quite so...well...ugly. Instead of being hard on ourselves, or vehemently denying any of those aspects that we might be ashamed of or unhappy with, we could always try chuckling a bit to ourselves and saying something along the lines of “there I go again (overspending, overdrinking etc). There are undiscovered tribes in the heart of the Amazon rainforest who knew I´d do that.” And see how that feels. It´s not being flippant, it´s just a way of not taking things too seriously – which is always the healthiest option – and of freeing up all that energy you would have wasted feeling bad so that you can put it to better use.

In this way, our supposed vices lose their power over us and we give ourselves the space to see them in their true colours. We all have elements of ourselves that we would like to be different and when we are disappointed in ourselves, or feel like we´ve let ourselves (and perhaps others) down through repeating the same patterns, then that´s actually a very helpful tool – nothing less than our subconscious, or the Tao, giving us a nudge and letting us know that we could be doing things differently now if we wanted, and that the new way would be for our highest good. We could be even better than we are, in other words. Now, that´s not something to get upset and angry about, is it? Surely that´s a good thing!

But, for the most part, deeply ingrained habits, behavioural patterns and addictions, are not going to be changed overnight. So, patience with ourselves is crucial. Once you´ve noticed a negative pattern you´d like to change, immediately stop seeing it as a negative pattern. Start to see it as an opportunity to grow into the ideal vision of your perfect self. This is difficult and your monkey mind will bring it up at every available opportunity should you let it, so rather than fight this or dwell on it, the best retaliation is to focus on something else. What we focus on grows – so if we focus on the thing we want to quit doing, that will grow and we´ll do it all the more. Fact. If we focus on us NOT doing the thing (for instance, if you want to stop smoking, don´t battle the temptation for a ciggie, instead try to see yourself in your mind´s eye - especially on the occasions you would likely be smoking – as a non-smoker, having equally as good a time...better in fact...than if you were puffing away) then that is what will grow and eventually – it might take a bit of time, it depends on how focused and determined you are – that will naturally become your reality.

For a double-whammy effect on this business of what we focus on grows, another neat trick is to consciously remind yourself of all the good things you are doing – how well you are doing in other areas of your life. Taking the smoking example again – let´s say you smoke, but you have a healthy diet. Acknowledge yourself for that, then up it – make your diet even healthier, drink more water and start some kind of exercise plan. Focusing on that and giving yourself a regular good old pat on the back will make that positive side of you, the part of you that takes good care of your body and enjoys feeling healthy, grow until eventually, that will outweigh the negative effects of the smoking and more than likely, you´ll find yourself naturally and effortlessly packing in the ciggies. And even if not, you´re still doing more good by balancing it at least with something healthy, rather than beating yourself up or stressing yourself out making (probably) unrealistic New Year´s Resolutions to quit.

That´s just one example, of course, in a myriad scenarios. We all know what our own negative patterns are and more than likely, they will surface at some point during the holiday season! Whether we drink too much, eat too much, spend too much, party too hard, try too hard to please everybody, feel overly sorry for ourselves or snog too many work colleagues at the office party, we can choose, if we want, to let ourselves off the hook and focus instead on the good. And there is always good to be found.

The end of the year is always a good time to look back and take stock, so make a point of thinking about everything you´ve achieved this year. Write it all down. No doubt, there will be some big achievements that spring to mind straight away, but don´t forget to give yourself credit for the simpler, supposedly smaller, things too. We can never know the extent the smallest of our actions - a smile, a helping hand crossing a road, giving up a bus seat, giving a euro to a homeless person, standing up for someone – might have had on another person´s life and if a particular situation springs to mind, something that made you feel all warm and nice inside when you did it, then that´s an achievement. Get it on your list. At first, you´ll struggle to think of many things as your monkey mind tries to convince you this is a load of old cobblers, but stick with it and once you get into the flow, you´ll be surprised at just how long your list will grow.

When you have the proof there in front of you of just how well you are doing, and of all of your achievements, this should go somewhere towards getting it all into perspective. At the end of the day, there will always be some part of ourselves we´re not happy with – some habit or pattern – but as long as we are working on ourselves to be the best that we can be, and as long as our positive output exceeds the negative, then we´re doing all right. We´re still here, after all, hurtling through space at break-neck speed, on a little, blue planet with another 7 billion people so we can´t be doing too badly!

I wish you all a sparkling, magical time over the holidays, everybody – and let´s make that our new pattern for the whole of 2010. Sparkly magic!!

Merry Christmas! :)