The Inner-Saboteur

When it was my fifth birthday, I behaved so badly that my mother said I could never have another birthday party again. There is a photo of me that day, surrounded by my little friends, with my arms crossed, scowling at the camera. The problem was, one of the other kids had just won at Pin the Tail on the Donkey and I was furious. This was my party, surely I should win everything.

The inner saboteur is just like that naughty little girl; not content with cards, gifts, party and cake, she´s got to win all the games, too. There is no pleasing the inner saboteur. No matter how well we are doing, no matter how good things are, the inner saboteur will always turn up, usually as we are just about to fall asleep and nudge us awake with a sudden shout of....

“that´s all well and good, but you haven´t done so-and-so yet. And what about when you made a fool of yourself doing this. And don´t forget, you should still be feeling guilty about that.”

There is absolutely no getting away from the inner saboteur – it´s a part of us – so the best thing we can do for starters is to accept it; to realise that it´s just yin & yang at play and there has got to be some element of dark in light (just as there is always some element of light in dark) because it´s impossible to have one without the other. The inner saboteur is just playing the role of the dark, the yin, that is absolutely necessary to keep our lives in balance – so really, we should be thanking it.

That doesn´t, however, mean that we have to give in to it and let it take over. Ignoring it or getting angry with it never works – it will just shout all the louder. The most effective thing to do is to face up to it, confront it. Explain that you understand it has a job to do, but things are going to be different from now on. You are in control, and everything is just fine and dandy. It can chill out and enjoy the ride. Think of it as a child and you as an adult soothing it.

It will take some work, the inner saboteur will not be convinced straight away and will continue to play up so it´s your job to work at reassuring it. As we know, what we focus on grows, so rather than indulging it when it starts to whine, immediately turn your attention to the positive, the light, the yang elements going on in your life.

By focusing on the good and patting ourselves on the head for all of our achievements, we are not pushing the inner saboteur away so it will not feel that its nose has been put out of joint. Little by little, the positive grows and the light naturally starts to override the dark. At this point, the inner saboteur is still there, but is far more quiet and settled, and our lives generally become much more light-filled and joyful.

Above all, the key to dealing with the inner saboteur is to not take it too seriously. That´s why it´s effective to view it as an attention-seeking child. It´s all part of the game of life, it keeps everything interesting and stops us from becoming complacent or too “up in the clouds” all the time.

Once it understands the rules, it will start to behave itself, just as I did all those years ago. My mother´s threat was lifted due to my angelic behaviour from then on (!!??), my 6th birthday party was a roaring success, and I didn´t play up once. Not even when one of my friends sat on the cake.

But that´s another story :)