Vanishing Act

A few days ago, a very dear friend of mine announced her intention to practice making herself invisible during meditation.

Fair enough, we both had a bit of a giggle and a banter about this, but at the same time, understanding that we are all just energy condensed to a slow vibration – which gives us the illusion of appearing solid - we were willing to go along with the idea that with some practice and focused, conscious intent, “fading ourselves out around the edges” so to speak, and becoming less noticeable to those around us was not only possible, but also quite a neat and handy trick. My husband swears that, as a small boy, he put this to the test when he was on a bus but didn't have any money for his fare. This was way back in the days of bus conductors (yes, we really are that old!) and as the scary man in the peaked hat with his money satchel & ticket machine criss-crossed over his chest made his way through the bus, Mike prayed and prayed to be invisible. The conductor simply walked past him.

So, all this talk about invisibility got me to thinking, and I realised that this was, in fact (amongst many others), one of the wonderful lessons Ibiza has been trying to teach me. Invisibility really is possible – not only is it possible to make ourselves invisible, but we can also make those people who are no longer serving a positive purpose in our lives, invisible to us.

As I've stated on countless occasions in this blog, living on Ibiza has been an eye-opening experience to say the least, and the lessons and new understandings I've been blessed with – whilst tough at times – have been invaluable and I wouldn't have missed out on a single one. And this particular one feels like an important one for me to be sharing with you all today.

Our relationships and interactions with other people are about the most complex thing we have to deal with whilst on the planet. No two relationships are the same, no two sets of feelings are the same – in short, we are completely on our own when it comes to us and our feelings about our relationships. Even the other person or people involved don't really know how we feel about them; it is absolutely 100% within us and nobody else can possibly be in there, experiencing our feelings with us.

Which is why things get so confusing when, for some reason, we don't resonate with someone (or suddenly stop resonating with someone), yet, other people we love and respect have no problem with them. We might even start to feel guilty – especially if others are telling us we “should” make an effort and like this particular person (and this happens more intensely when it's disharmony within the family). And when guilt kicks in, well, that's guaranteed to create an even messier situation because guilt loves to lash out, point the finger and prove itself right over and over again in order to justify its own existence. Then the whole thing escalates and gets completely out of control.

This has happened a number of times in my life since I moved to Ibiza and began being compelled to think things out for myself and make my own decisions, rather than just blindly conforming to inherited beliefs and behaviours. It's taken me a bit of time to get used to this new liberating way of being – it's flipping scary and hard work standing out against the majority, or those you genuinely care for but have a difference of opinion with. So, if you have a similar situation going on in your life, or if you've read so far and think you might as well continue, here's my take on the whole thing.

Every single person in your life is here to play a very specific role – as you are in their lives – and just because someone plays a supposed “negative” role in your life (in other words, annoys the crap out of you) doesn't mean that they will be playing that role in another person's life. So, try to grasp the idea that just because you dislike, disapprove, distrust a particular person, it doesn't always follow that they are a dislikeable, disrespectful, untrustworthy influence in someone else's life...even if that someone else is someone you are very close to. You've just got to accept that, for now at least, if they are a part of that person's life, then there's a reason – you might never know what that reason is because these are their lessons, their stuff and you've got no right to interfere. You've just got to let them get on with it.

Equally, you should never feel bad or guilty or pressured into tolerating someone in your life that you know is a negative or harmful influence to you. Your intuition and your emotions are the only things you can rely on here – not other people's opinions – and if you strongly sense that you are being affected in a bad way, or that a particular person/set of people are no longer in harmony with your current beliefs and intentions, then the gentlest way forward is to, quite simply, make them invisible to you!! Here's how...

First of all, it's important to take some quiet time, preferably meditate on the situation as whilst emotions are key to opening us up to how we truly feel, the problem with them is that they can get a bit carried away with themselves and get all out of control in our heads if we don't pay attention. So, sit quietly, accept your feelings and emotions and then ask for guidance...from whoever feels right to you; God/dess, the Tao, Spirit, the Universe, the Angels, the Faeries, the Source of All That Is...whoever. State your intention that, if it is truly for the greater good of all concerned, such-and-such a person(s) be released with love and gratitude from your life. This proviso of only if it is truly for the greater good of all concerned is hugely important, just in case you have let your emotions run amock and made some judgemental mountain out of a molehill rash decision that you will come to regret later.

I've used this technique a lot and it really is very powerful. There have been a couple of occasions when the people involved remained dominant in my life and I had to accept that it was my ego lashing out in a kind of how dare you tantrum over what turned out to be something and nothing, and I'm glad that we could find a resolution. However, on the times when certain people clearly were having a toxic effect on my life and were not to be trusted, it was almost as though Spirit had been waiting for the call. Immediately, these people vanished from my life. Poof. Gone. Obviously, they are still around living their lives, but I quite literally never see them. Now, this is a small island and I even live in the same town as some of my vanishees so you would expect the occasional “bumping into” wouldn't you? But no. Not even once.

So when this happens, you know without a doubt that you are on track. You just have to trust the process; if they stick around, there is a positive reason for that, if they disappear then that was the most positive outcome for all of you at that time.

But what is important to stress here...and I mentioned this earlier...is that this in no way means that these people are inherently “bad” - they just no longer play a positive part in your life, and they need to be released in order to make room for new people coming in who are more in alignment with you. So, don't view this technique as an “up yours” vengeful type of exercise because it's not. Be grateful for it, and be grateful for the people you've released.

And no matter what they've “done” to you, or however much they've upset you in the past, once this gentle release is activated, in order to keep it going, and to keep you protected from those energies you no longer choose to attract into your life, practice sending love and forgiveness to them on a regular basis. We're talking here forgiveness in the true sense of the word; not just letting people off the hook, or turning a blind eye to damaging behaviour, or tolerating abuse and disrespect from others because it's the easy option, or out of some misguided sense of duty. No, true forgiveness comes from the heart and releases you from negative patterns as well as those you are forgiving.

Remember, we're all one consciousness at the end of the day – it's just sometimes the human elements can clash – but it's all for a reason...if only to learn this technique and thus connect you closer to the Tao that guides and protects you always...and to remind you that whenever you need help with anything, all you need to do is ask and miracles and vanishing acts are just around the corner!

;)

And The Saga Continues...

OK, so ready for another dose of kitty-cat magic and bonkers coincidences? If so, you're in the right place!

As most of you know (and if you don't, have a quick read of my last 2 posts) our darling Mishka died almost two weeks ago, just a couple of months after our gorgeous Tez passed away, and once again, Mike and I found ourselves wondering what to do for the best with regards getting another kitten. Ten-week-old Bez's hyper giddiness and his determination to be best friends forever and play all day long with his 10 year old sister, Bethany, was not going down at all well with her, so we thought that another kitten might be a good playmate for Bez, and would let Bethany off the hook somewhat. Still, we were hesitant...would it upset Bethany even more if she suddenly had yet another kitten to contend with? After all, the poor little sweetheart had gone through so much just recently...losing two brothers and a sister with whom she had lived for most of her life, in the space of two years. We had no idea what to do, so took the only sensible course of action and handed the whole situation over to the Tao to sort out. If it was meant to be, we trusted we would be given a sign, or that a kitten would somehow just find us.

I was discussing all this on Wednesday with my lovely friend, Alison and her equally lovely mum. Alison is as besotted with cats as I am, and shares her home with six of them, one of whom has been poorly for the last couple of weeks, so Alison had made an appointment to take her to the vets on Friday morning...and that appointment ended up completely changing my life!

Alison rang me from the vets to tell me that the vet herself had found an abandoned kitten who now needed a home. He was a gorgeous, tiny tabby and was probably only five or six weeks old. Hmmm...was I saying something about being given a sign? It really couldn't have been any clearer, could it?

Needless to say, Mike and I didn't hesitate and Alison brought him to us straight from the vets. To say we fell instantly in love with him would be an understatement, but our feelings for him paled into insignificance compared to Bez's. He was over the moon to see his baby brother (who we named Chomsky) and immediately pulled the tiny tot to him to give him a bath. It was like he'd been waiting for him, and they'd known each other for ever...which perhaps they have! They are inseparable and, as I write this, they're cuddled up together on the sofa fast asleep. The jury is still out on Bethany - she is having nothing to do with such silly kitten behaviour, but there has been no hissing and she definitely seems happier in herself.

So, yet again, I am bowled over at the sheer magic of it all; if I hadn't had that very conversation with Alison two days before, and if her beautiful cat, Aura, hadn't been off-colour and needed to go to the very vet who happened to find an abandoned kitten (strangely, right outside our favourite restaurant here on Ibiza where Mike and I had planned to have lunch with a friend the same day as Chomsky was found, but didn't because our friend had to cancel at the last minute), then we would never have even known of his existence. And more to the point, if Mishka hadn't left us when she did, there would be no way that Chomsky would be in our lives right now.

It's like everything was just shunted into place in a way we could never have orchestrated, which leaves me in no doubt that all of this - the heartbreak and the joy - was all absolutely meant to be and reiterates the belief I expressed in my earlier blogs... that no matter what happens, no matter how "bad" things seem at the time, there is always a higher purpose. Everything happens for a reason. Fact.

And if this isn't proof of it, I don't know what is. Believe me, whatever is going on in your life, it's all unfolding perfectly, even if it doesn't seem so at the time. Trust that and keep the faith.

Always.

Be ready for miracles...they are on their way :)

A Tale of Two Kitties

Well, to be honest, it's a tale of more

than two kitties, but I couldn't

resist the title!

Once again, the universe has been amazing me with its expertise and attention to detail when it comes to timing things to perfection, bringing the right people together, slotting all the pieces into place, and generally just churning out coincidence after coincidence, synchronicity after synchronicity, like some cosmic, magical production line.

My first kitty tale is about Tez, who after the death of his older brother, Rez, a couple of years ago, became hubby's and my 'son number one'. He rose to the challenge perfectly, keeping his two younger sisters in order, yet never seeming to mind when they shoved him out of his dish so that they could eat his food. He'd just sit patiently while they quaffed the lot, knowing fine well that me or hubby would fill it up for him once they'd finished...and that he'd be the one to get the tuna treat on top, just for being such a good big brother!

On 19^th February, Tez went out for a stroll in the forest, and he never came back. He was sixteen years old, which is the equivalent of an eighty year old person, and he'd been uncharacteristically poorly just a few weeks before, which had necessitated a full week of trips to the vet. Whilst we tried to stay positive and hopeful, and were out searching for him day after day, both hubby and I knew – within hours of him not returning – that he'd sensed it was his “time” and had taken himself off somewhere peaceful to drift into his forever sleep...as cats are prone to do. I can't even begin to describe how devastated we were, and to be honest, I don't even want to try, I mean we'd had Tez since he was a kitten so we had literally lost a family member, and an absolutely adored one at that. But still, in the midst of all the upset and tears, there was some light; we'd never had to watch Tez suffer in his old age, or be faced with having to make that heartbreaking decision about whether to put him to sleep...no, Tez had spared us (and himself) all of that and had quit peacefully while he was ahead. If that's not a blessing, or a gift, then I don't know what is.

Still, the fact remained...we missed him more than we could ever say. The whole energy of the house changed and we began to realise what “big” energy Tez had. Even his two sisters seemed to notice he'd gone and both seemed glum and sad, so after a few weeks, we began to wonder about getting another boy cat. We both had some reservations – it wasn't like we were looking for a replacement for Tez (nobody could do that anyway) – but there was still a bit of a sense of guilt and disloyalty. Was it the right thing to do? One minute we thought yes, the next, no, so we decided the only sensible thing to do was to hand it over to the universe, or the Tao, to sort it out for us. If a new kitten was meant to come into our lives, then he would be guided to us, or we'd be guided to him. Simple.

So, another couple of weeks passed and we were round at our friends' apartment one Sunday afternoon. For some reason, at about half-past six, I suddenly had the urge to leave. We were having a lovely time, but I just couldn't shake the sense that it was time to go. As we were walking through the grounds on our way back to the car, we spotted two beautiful black cats so, of course, we immediately went over to fuss and play with them. Suddenly, a voice called out, “do you want one?” We hadn't noticed the lady sitting on the wall and I think we both just gawped in answer to her unexpected question. She went on to explain that these two black cats had just had a litter of kittens together – there were five of them, she was keeping two herself, had found a home for two of the others, there was just one left that still needed a home. A boy.

It was one of those moments when you can actually feel fate play its hand, and even before we went to see him, we both knew that this was the kitten for us. Two weeks later, when he was ready to be separated from his mum, we went to pick him up and herein commences kitty tale number two!

We got our tiny little, jet black kitten home and puzzled and pondered. What on earth were we going to call him? I wanted his name to somehow honour Rez and Tez, and my first idea was Artie...which was actually the letters R & T...clever, eh? I can tell you're impressed! But, as we got to know him, it became clear he just wasn't an Artie or an RT, so it was back to the drawing board. Then it struck us that his name should have some connection to Ibiza, since he is a genuine Ibicenco cat, and as soon as that idea hit home, I heard his name in my head. “Bez” I yelled to Mike, who just grinned and said, “yes, of course.” Bez is the Phoenician God of Dance who, according to legend, led all the poisonous animals off Ibiza, and our little kitty definitely suited the name.

It wasn't until later that we realised we had, in fact, honoured his two big brothers with his name...Rez, Tez & Bez! And there's more...I went to google Bez and discovered that it is actually spelt Bes (Bez being the dancer in the Happy Mondays!) Now, rewinding back a few years, we had another gorgeous boy cat who was the twin of Bethany, one of the girls who still lives with us. Bear with me, I promise this is relevant and it will all make sense. This little guy had kidney problems and we had to have him put to sleep at a young age, which was horrendous. His name was Seb – which is Bes backwards. I've been in hysterics about all this – it's absolutely perfect – our new, little kitten is all of his older, departed brothers rolled into one!!

So, now even when little Bez is clambering up the curtains, trying to chew through leads, eating plants, kicking litter all over the kitchen, launching himself up my dressing gown, I am in absolutely no doubt that he is meant to be in our lives. Just as we requested, the universe guided us together in an astounding display of synchronicities. If we hadn't gone to our friends' apartment that Sunday, and left at the exact time we did, we might never have known he existed.

And, yes this might seem like a bit of a self-indulgent blog; here I am raving on about my kitty-cat family, but there is a reason I'm sharing all of this with you. For me, it's all been a powerful reminder that no matter what happens, no matter how sad, upsetting or “bad” things are, there is always a reason – there is a thread running through all our lives, connecting all the events, good and bad (and in fact, connecting all of us, but let's not go there right now!) - it's just that sometimes it takes a while before you see the purpose, the necessity, behind the so-called negative event or loss. But if you trust in the process, even in the darkest of days, if you are willing to let go and just know that you will be guided and that everything will be all right in the end, then it always will be. It always is anyway, there's no other way for things to work out, but you can make the whole thing smoother and easier on yourself and bring the light and positivity back into your life sooner. Keep the faith, trust the universe and trust your intuition. And be grateful...for everything.

Oh, and just one more little point that, again, made us feel that this was absolutely meant to be – Bez was born on 22^nd February, just three days after Tez left.

Fate? I'd say so....wouldn't you?

Visualisation and Quantum Attraction

I suppose as it's been over four months since my last blog, I'd better have something darnned interesting to share with you. Well, as it happens, I jolly well do!

It has been an fascinating four months to put it mildly, filled with lessons and eye-opening experiences...all of them revolving around our house move. People say that moving house is one of the most stressful experiences you can have, but for us, it was pre-moving house that was causing the stress. Let me explain...

We last moved house almost two years ago, and within a very short space of time, it became clear that the house we had thought was ideal for us, was in fact, to put it politely...an absolute dump. That well-respected company “Bodgit & Scarper” had obviously been employed to half-do every job - light-fittings were loose, kitchen cupboard doors were falling off the hinges, the water was brown much of the time and had a worryingly sulphur-like smell, the windows didn't fit properly, the impressive-looking open-fire place did nothing but fill the house with rancid smoke and the telephone line & broadband that the agent assured us had been enjoyed by the last tenant turned out to be unavailable in our particular area. Worse still, our beloved oldest cat, Reznor, was knocked down right outside the house within a month of us moving in. A sign? Definitely, but even though more and more things started conking out in the house as the months passed, and we were dismayed to see the undeniable signs of construction work about to begin in the field right next to our house, we were undeterred. We had a plan.

After struggling along for a full year so as not to default on the one-year contract we had signed, last February, we helped some friends of ours move into their new place. Immediately, hubby and I fell in love with their house...it was well-maintained, nicely-furnished, had a phone line plus broadband and was situated in a beautiful location. We ranted and raved and told our friends over and over how lucky they were to have found such a spot. After just a few weeks, they confessed to us that, whilst they liked their new house, they were planning to go travelling later in the year, probably in November, then to rent somewhere else on the island when they returned. They appreciated that we were keen to move out of our house as soon as ever possible, but if we were willing to hold fire for a few months, would we be interested in taking over their rental contract when they left, which would mean that we would have our dream home on Ibiza, and they would not be reneging on their one-year contract, thus losing their security deposit? Would we? Yes, of course!! It was the perfect solution for all of us.

For the next few months, we tolerated new, noisy neighbours with kids whose toys started to litter the street, and whose dogs chased our cats. We tolerated the fact that our washing machine filled with water when not in use, yet not a drop was to be seen when on a cycle. Even the water tank exploding and turning downstairs into a murky-looking swimming pool didn't bother us that much. We would be handing in our month's notice at the end of October at the latest and we were counting the days.

Then things took a bit of a turn.

October arrived and we kept asking our friends when they wanted to meet up with their landlord to make sure it was all right with him for us to move in. Intuition started to whisper that something was wrong, along with common sense when they clearly avoided the subject over and over. Eventually, two weeks before we were due to hand in our notice, they dropped the bombshell that their plans had changed...they hoped we would understand, but they were no longer going travelling. Really sorry and all that.

I would like to say, at this point, that we took this in our stride; we hugged them, told them it was fine, not to worry, these things happen. I'd like to say that, but it would be a lie. We fumed, we cursed...hey, we're only human, and the fact remained that we could have found somewhere else and been out of the hell-hole we were living in months before. And now we had only two weeks to find a new home and hand in our month's notice so that we didn't have to spend another Christmas in our old place. However, I can say that these negative emotions were short-lived and we soon came to terms with our situation, realising that – as with all things in life – this had to have happened for a reason, and we began to take positive action. I focused on handing this over to the Tao to manifest the next perfect home for us, and hubby trawled the internet, looking for somewhere and just over a week later, we made an appointment to view a property which, to cut a long story short, is where we are now living...and it truly is our perfect home.

So, all's well that ends well...a nice story, but there's more to it than that, and this is the reason I decided to blog about it. Believe it or not, our new home is less than a five minute drive from our friends' house. It's a similar kind of property which has all of the attributes that made their house so appealing to us in the first place, and at the risk of sounding like I'm gloating (Who? Me? Perish the thought!), quite a few more besides.

Funny how things turn out, isn't it? All those months that, in our initial anger and disappointment, we thought we had wasted waiting for our friends to move, had actually been put to the best possible use, as we had been doing nothing less than visualising ourselves living in this beautiful part of northern Ibiza, in a lovely, comfortable home. And because we didn't waste too much time and energy feeling angry, resentful or self-pitying, those visualisations manifested into something way better than we had been expecting.

And just as another nice, little sign to show us we're on track and in the right place...our old house was in a place called Can Guasch in Santa Eulalia. Our new landlady's name is Eulalia Guasch. Oh, Tao, you do crack me up sometimes!!!

Wishing you all the miracles and magic from the Tao that you truly deserve.

Namaste.

:)

The Big Blab Theory

Living in what the Taoists refer to as “the world of the ten thousand things” along with approximately 7 billion other people, it´s reasonable to assume that at certain points during our life journeys, we are all going to be on the receiving end of some kind of “blabbing”.

I´m talking here about gossiping, spreading rumours, back-stabbing, tittle-tattling – call it what you will, whatever form it takes from the outright malicious and slanderous to simply revelling in dishing the dirt, it´s an ugly business. And make no mistake, its negative effects spread far and wide.

The Law of Attraction states that what we focus on grows, so it follows that if we do find ourselves on the receiving end of some kind of gossip, we should simply ignore it and it will go away. Yeah, right – well that´s easy isn´t it? Glad we got that sorted out!! No, let´s face it, if someone has been saying unkind or untrue things behind our backs, or has repeated to others something we had told them in confidence, then of course we are going to feel betrayed and hurt, angry even. Denying those feelings serves no positive purpose whatsoever, and that is not what I mean when I talk about “ignoring”.

I am a big believer in the power of venting. Here´s how it works. Announce to the universe, or the Tao, your intention to vent and that it is simply that and nothing else. Your venting time is the beginning of a healing process – for everyone concerned – and should in no way be construed as sending out negative energies, thus worsening the situation. Be very clear about this. Then, if there is someone you trust completely, vent to them. Or if you prefer, vent to yourself in front of a mirror, or write it all down. The idea is to get toxic thoughts and feelings out of your head – where they will only fester and cause harm – and out into the open in a conscious and responsible way in order for them to be diffused.

Put a time limit on your venting – say, 20 minutes – then let it go. This is the tricky bit. The temptation is to return to it, to go over it again and again, but realise that this is only the ego at play. The ego loves a drama, especially the type that prompts a “how DARE they treat me like this” reaction, and it´s all too easy to get bogged down in that. When we get stuck in these kinds of thought cycles, we´re no longer venting, we´re adding negativity to an already negative situation.

But be warned, the ego is a tough old boot and is not at all impressed by being told to shut up – by its very nature, it views itself as hugely important after all. So, the chances are it will shout all the louder. The knack is to be aware, to notice when we are slipping into irritation, indignation and self-pity, and then to consciously change that. We can take our thoughts higher any time we choose, so have a suitable affirmation to hand – something like “I see the Tao in everyone” or “I am pure love and light” - whatever works - and repeat it over and over; even if at first it is through gritted teeth and with the odd curse word thrown in, before too long, it will have an effect and you will start to feel warmer and calmer.

Be patient and gentle with yourself, give yourself some time and space and eventually, the lessons will become clear, along with the most appropriate form of action. If a confrontation is necessary, you will at least be coming to it from a calmer and more empowered perspective, and if a release is required then it can be done with love, gentleness and understanding.

We all owe it to ourselves and each other to do our best to avoid getting involved in any kind of gossip and if we do find ourselves on the receiving end, it´s a good (if painful) idea to take a look at our own actions in the past. What we give out, we get back multiplied, after all so if someone is bitching about us, who have we been bitching about?

Time to stop the bitching and do something more useful with our time?

I think so, don´t you?

:)

Bad Habits & Negative Patterns

Christmas seems as good a time as any to tackle the subject of bad habits and negative patterns, as they do tend to rear their ugly heads big time during the holiday season.

Or do they? It´s all too easy to beat ourselves up for drinking too much, eating too much, partying too hard and spending way too much money but, as with all things in life, there is a more positive way to view all of this.

The first step is to stop seeing these so-called “ugly” aspects of ourselves as quite so...well...ugly. Instead of being hard on ourselves, or vehemently denying any of those aspects that we might be ashamed of or unhappy with, we could always try chuckling a bit to ourselves and saying something along the lines of “there I go again (overspending, overdrinking etc). There are undiscovered tribes in the heart of the Amazon rainforest who knew I´d do that.” And see how that feels. It´s not being flippant, it´s just a way of not taking things too seriously – which is always the healthiest option – and of freeing up all that energy you would have wasted feeling bad so that you can put it to better use.

In this way, our supposed vices lose their power over us and we give ourselves the space to see them in their true colours. We all have elements of ourselves that we would like to be different and when we are disappointed in ourselves, or feel like we´ve let ourselves (and perhaps others) down through repeating the same patterns, then that´s actually a very helpful tool – nothing less than our subconscious, or the Tao, giving us a nudge and letting us know that we could be doing things differently now if we wanted, and that the new way would be for our highest good. We could be even better than we are, in other words. Now, that´s not something to get upset and angry about, is it? Surely that´s a good thing!

But, for the most part, deeply ingrained habits, behavioural patterns and addictions, are not going to be changed overnight. So, patience with ourselves is crucial. Once you´ve noticed a negative pattern you´d like to change, immediately stop seeing it as a negative pattern. Start to see it as an opportunity to grow into the ideal vision of your perfect self. This is difficult and your monkey mind will bring it up at every available opportunity should you let it, so rather than fight this or dwell on it, the best retaliation is to focus on something else. What we focus on grows – so if we focus on the thing we want to quit doing, that will grow and we´ll do it all the more. Fact. If we focus on us NOT doing the thing (for instance, if you want to stop smoking, don´t battle the temptation for a ciggie, instead try to see yourself in your mind´s eye - especially on the occasions you would likely be smoking – as a non-smoker, having equally as good a time...better in fact...than if you were puffing away) then that is what will grow and eventually – it might take a bit of time, it depends on how focused and determined you are – that will naturally become your reality.

For a double-whammy effect on this business of what we focus on grows, another neat trick is to consciously remind yourself of all the good things you are doing – how well you are doing in other areas of your life. Taking the smoking example again – let´s say you smoke, but you have a healthy diet. Acknowledge yourself for that, then up it – make your diet even healthier, drink more water and start some kind of exercise plan. Focusing on that and giving yourself a regular good old pat on the back will make that positive side of you, the part of you that takes good care of your body and enjoys feeling healthy, grow until eventually, that will outweigh the negative effects of the smoking and more than likely, you´ll find yourself naturally and effortlessly packing in the ciggies. And even if not, you´re still doing more good by balancing it at least with something healthy, rather than beating yourself up or stressing yourself out making (probably) unrealistic New Year´s Resolutions to quit.

That´s just one example, of course, in a myriad scenarios. We all know what our own negative patterns are and more than likely, they will surface at some point during the holiday season! Whether we drink too much, eat too much, spend too much, party too hard, try too hard to please everybody, feel overly sorry for ourselves or snog too many work colleagues at the office party, we can choose, if we want, to let ourselves off the hook and focus instead on the good. And there is always good to be found.

The end of the year is always a good time to look back and take stock, so make a point of thinking about everything you´ve achieved this year. Write it all down. No doubt, there will be some big achievements that spring to mind straight away, but don´t forget to give yourself credit for the simpler, supposedly smaller, things too. We can never know the extent the smallest of our actions - a smile, a helping hand crossing a road, giving up a bus seat, giving a euro to a homeless person, standing up for someone – might have had on another person´s life and if a particular situation springs to mind, something that made you feel all warm and nice inside when you did it, then that´s an achievement. Get it on your list. At first, you´ll struggle to think of many things as your monkey mind tries to convince you this is a load of old cobblers, but stick with it and once you get into the flow, you´ll be surprised at just how long your list will grow.

When you have the proof there in front of you of just how well you are doing, and of all of your achievements, this should go somewhere towards getting it all into perspective. At the end of the day, there will always be some part of ourselves we´re not happy with – some habit or pattern – but as long as we are working on ourselves to be the best that we can be, and as long as our positive output exceeds the negative, then we´re doing all right. We´re still here, after all, hurtling through space at break-neck speed, on a little, blue planet with another 7 billion people so we can´t be doing too badly!

I wish you all a sparkling, magical time over the holidays, everybody – and let´s make that our new pattern for the whole of 2010. Sparkly magic!!

Merry Christmas! :)

Healing Loved Ones

It´s important, first and foremost, to understand exactly what we mean when we talk about healing.

Healing, literally, means to make whole; to see mind, body and spirit as one unified whole. And this is extremely difficult when we are dealing with loved ones who are suffering.

We desperately want to make them better, and the tendency (quite naturally) is to focus on the ailment. However, if we can, in the midst of our own emotions, remember that what we focus on grows, then we are in a much stronger position to do as much good as we possibly can.

Instead of seeing your loved one as someone suffering from cancer, or someone whose arthritis is causing them great pain, or whose depression seems to be getting worse, remind yourself that they, like all of us, are nothing less than a perfect expression of the Tao in human form. They are much more than their physical body, or their physical symptoms – they are divine sparks of light, spiritual beings here having their human experience.

This is crucial if we want to move away from the panicky, helpless feelings that threaten to take over when someone we care about is ill. The more we panic, the more we project that onto them and we run the risk of actually doing more harm than good. This is not to say that we are uncaring or unfeeling – far from it – our own feelings and fears are bound to surface and this is natural and healthy, but at the time when we are consciously giving healing, these have to be held in check.

You might be giving healing to your loved one by a formal hands-on treatment if they´re happy with that, or you might be doing it remotely if that is more appropriate. Distance/remote healing is every bit as powerful as a one-on-one, and the same principles apply.

First of all, bring your attention to yourself. Yes, yourself! Spend a few moments quietening your mind and feeling the energy of the universe moving through you, as it always is, but really try to tune into it. Now, ask – simply ask – for this universal energy to be charged with healing powers both for yourself and your loved one. At this point, you might start to feel a bit of a tingling in your palms and your feet, you might start to feel slightly warmer – there is no hard and fast rule, but once you feel some kind of connection, give thanks and state quite bluntly (no need for flowery explanations here) that your intention is to work with this energy for the purposes of healing name of loved one.

If you are with the person, place your hands on them wherever feels right – they might stay in one position, or you might feel you want to move them round. Don´t think about it or what it means, just go with it. If you are at a distance, imagine doing it. Make sure you are breathing deep into your abdomen and start now to visualise.

Imagine soothing golden light totally surrounding both you and your loved one as the two of you experience this healing together. Know that you are perfectly safe. Then ask for this healing-imbued energy to flow into the person´s physical body, to whatever part of the body would benefit most from it. Ask for all blockages, all areas of stuck energy to be replaced now by this wonderful flow of healing energy and for the person to receive healing on all levels – mind, body and spirit.

This is just a guide – what I felt guided to write at this moment – when you are tuned into the universal flow of healing energy, you will find yourself silently saying exactly the right words and exactly the right visualisations will be strong in your mind. You may picture angels, spirit guides, fairies, you might hear healing sounds, or see lights. You may see nothing at all, it may just be a sensation – it doesn´t matter – just be open to whatever happens, safe in the knowledge that your request has been heard and is being acted upon.

Then comes the hard bit. Whether you are healing a loved one who has a headache, or a serious disease, you have to let go and trust the process. It is not our job to specify the outcome, what is important is the intention to heal, to make whole in whatever way is for our loved one´s highest and greatest good. So, avoid begging or pleading for the person to “get better” - remember, healing means make whole, not make better and as twisted as it sounds, our interpretation of “better” might not actually be for our loved one´s highest good at that time. For instance, if there appears to be no improvement to, say, a headache or an upset stomach, perhaps the most beneficial thing for them is a break from work, or to avoid going out that evening. The healing energy, the person´s body-wisdom, spirit and the Tao know best – not us – and we have to trust that, even when we are dealing with something more serious, even terminal. The purpose of our healing should be to assist on all levels, not to interfere with another soul´s journey by our own needs, wishes and what we see as “best” for the person getting in the way. This is the highest form of healing, the greatest gift we can possibly give. It is the only true form of healing.

OK, so that was a bit of a heavy one today, wasn´t it? When I decide to write a column, I just sit quietly first and ask what would be the most useful thing to write about today, and then I go with the first answer to come to me, so I´m not sure why I was guided to write this one, but no doubt there is a good reason.

And who I am to argue? :)

Sending love & healing energy to you all.

Breaking Free from Restrictive Situations

The good news is – there is no such thing as a restrictive situation. The bad news is – we just don´t (or won´t) believe it.

The illusion of reality is so strong that we honestly believe that certain situations, certain people, certain groups of people “out there” have some kind of hold over us and are the ones restricting us. And that, quite simply, is not the case.

Whilst it might appear on the surface that we are stuck in this mind-numbing job because (sharp inhale) how else would we pay the bills; whilst there may seem to be no way out of the abusive relationship we´ve tolerated for years; whilst we “just couldn´t” upsticks and move out of the two-horse town our family has lived in for generations; whilst we would never have the nerve to suggest a Yoga retreat as the annual holiday with our friends, instead of the obligatory week-long drinking binge in Iyanapa – what we need to understand is that all restrictions are self-imposed. They are inside us, not “out there”. And given that, as universal law dictates (whether we like it or believe in it or not), the outer world reflects our inner state of being, then it would seem to make sense to change the situation from the inside – in other words, change how we perceive the situation in our mind´s eye – and watch outer reality follow suit. Wouldn´t it? Good....

I know I rattle on and on in these columns about the power of affirmations, but what can I tell you...I do them all the time and they work. ´Nuff said. So, it should come as no surprise that my first suggestion, if you´re serious about breaking free from whatever restrictions you are experiencing in your life, is the following affirmation which I learned from Barefoot Doctor at his Global Meditation & Dub Spirit events.

“I am free to do whatever I choose. I have everything to gain and nothing to lose.”

Over and over again – it´s a good one to chant in your head (or under your breath...even at the top of your voice if the fancy takes you) whilst walking, I´ve found. By keeping on affirming this with as much feeling behind it as you can muster, you are in effect stating to the Tao, the Universe, your Higher Self, God/dess, the Divine (whatever your preferred term for the Absolute) that you are now living in a state of trust and faith that the miracle, the gift of your being alive here and now was not to make you suffer or struggle, or to restrict you in any way. We are divine sparks of light, perfect expressions of the Tao in human form – how can that ever be restricted? Think about it. It can´t!

If you are feeling restricted in any area of your life, it is a sign that there is something better awaiting you. It is nothing less than an opportunity to move forward, to grow, to achieve your full potential, to attain your perfect fulfilment and satisfaction – you deserve no less and rest assured, this is what the Tao expressing itself through you wants.

So, welcome the restrictions – or at least acknowledge them. Then spend time visualising yourself in your mind´s eye, completely free of all restrictions – feeling relieved and exhilarated and immensely grateful for the way things have turned out. And here´s the tricky bit for us control-freak humans – DO NOT try to figure out the hows and whys – you don´t need to know HOW it will all work out (this will only get in the way of the power behind this visualisation because your rational mind will end up talking you out of it by telling you how this couldn´t possibly work because of that blah blah blah) – you just need to put out the message to the universe that you trust that it WILL all work out. And you know why that is....it´s because that´s the universe´s job – to sort out the details and shift reality about so that your affirmations and visualisations manifest in the “real” world in the best possible way for you and everyone else concerned.

It´s the expert at it.

We´re rubbish at it.

So, just ask it to do it and let it get on with it.

And above all, as you find these perceived restrictions suddenly magically and effortlessly overcome, as you find yourself naturally flowing more easily in your life, don´t forget to maintain an attitude of gratitude.

To everyone and everything in your life.

To all that is.

Always.

:)

On Being a People Pleaser

What exactly is wrong with people pleasing? Why should the words, “s/he´s just a people-pleaser” carry such negative connotations? What´s the alternative – be a people-pisser-off?

Pleasing other people is a wonderful thing to do – as spiritual beings having our human experience, it´s our duty to please each other as much as we possibly can. What we give out, we get back multiplied after all, so it makes life better and more pleasing for everyone. Which is all well and good, but the thing to bear in mind is this...it´s not the actual act – the thing you did or didn´t do, said or didn´t say to the person you pleased – it´s the energy, the motivation behind it that matters. In other words, if your heart isn´t in it, if you don´t genuinely mean it, then you are not acting as your authentic self and in the long run, this pleases no-one. Least of all the Tao.

I suppose what it all boils down to is self-worth. We find ourselves agreeing to things, smiling when we don´t mean it, keeping quiet because we don´t want to rock the boat, letting people off the hook because we´re scared of the consequences if we don´t. We´re scared of disapproval, of confrontation, of being considered mean, of making a fuss and it´s easier to just grin and bear it than to be true to ourselves and do (or not do) what we know is right for us.

But, like I said, people-pleasing for the wrong reasons is fuelled with negative energy and serves no positive purpose whatsoever. Not even to the person you supposedly “pleased” - whatever it was you did to please them is cancelled out by the negativity surrounding it – your feelings of resentment, anger, frustration etc towards them, and eventually, in one guise or another, those energies will come full circle and have a detrimental effect on everyone concerned.

So, it´s best to start by working on your feelings of self-worth. Remind yourself as many times as you remember through the day (and this is a good one to do whilst looking at your own reflection in a mirror) “I matter. I count. I am worthy.” Once your subconscious mind has processed and accepted this as truth, you will naturally know your own worth and feel more confident in declining to please people for pleasing people´s sake.

There will still be times, no doubt, when you find yourself confronted with a situation and you´re teetering between doing what feels right to you and taking the so-called “easy” option and people-pleasing. Try to remember that what this actually is, is a gift from the universe or the Tao, an opportunity to put your best authentic self forward and to act from the heart no matter what other people may think.

And if, now and again (as we all do), you do find yourself agreeing to people pleasing – well, so what? Don´t beat yourself up. Try to look at the situation differently – do whatever it is with as much of your heart as you can and, above all, do not harbour negative thoughts or feelings about the person or people involved. It´s a lesson, a chance for you to get clearer about what is and isn´t right for you. To boost your self-worth. And perhaps next time, you´ll feel more confident about putting your own feelings and truths first.

Remember, when something makes you feel heavy or resentful, your inner voice is trying to tell you you are off-kilter here and no-one benefits in the long run. However, when you are filled with love, lightness, joy and a deep sense of gratitude in being able to be pleasing or helpful to someone – that´s for everyone´s highest good, and opportunities like this should be actively sought out and carried out unconditionally as much as possible. To genuinely please someone is a gift – not just to them, but to you too. It raises your energy vibration and just makes you feel darned good!

But remember above all - you are worthy. You do count.

Yes, I´m talking to you.

And I´m not just saying that to please you. :)

Speaking Your Truth

OK, I will be the first to admit that, half of the time, I don´t even know what my truth is. I get confused, you see. I like to listen to other people – their opinions, their beliefs, their ways of doing things – and even though, sometimes, these can be completely at odds with my own take on life, I still find myself wondering “hmmm, what if?”

I don´t suppose it´s necessarily a bad thing – being able and willing to see things from someone else´s point of view and taking on board someone else´s opinion. Flexibility is always preferable to a rigid mindset, otherwise we´d never learn or move on. But there comes a point where we have to assimilate all the evidence then ask ourselves what it is we really think of the situation.

It doesn´t matter if you´re dealing with something “minor”, like cancelling the party all your friends were looking forward to because you just don´t feel like it tonight; or if it´s something “big” such as a life-changing experience you´re about to embark on that you know your family and friends won´t understand or approve of. Trying to explain to people the reasons why you have made a particular decision, or chosen a particular path – speaking your truth in other words – is not an easy task.

The first thing that happens is that we start to imagine the responses we will get when we do speak our truth. The criticisms, the ridicule, the anger, the hurt we are sure we will be confronted with. And that leads on to us rehearsing our retaliation – we start to focus on justifying ourselves and being all defensive. We´re more concerned with being “right” than simply explaining how we feel. Unfortunately, the more time and energy we spend in these negative fantasy scenarios, the less connected we become to our truth – to our real motivation for the decisions we´ve made – and the less connected we are to our truth, the less we are able to speak it clearly. What a horrible vicious circle!

The most positive thing we can do – and, in fact, the fairest for everybody involved – is to consciously stop those imaginary confrontations as soon as they start to take over your mind. Breathe deeply and ask your higher self or the Tao to remind you, once again, of your truth. You may find the babble of doubt still continues at the front of your brain for a while, but keep breathing and listen for the quieter, less frantic, gentler voice of truth to whisper its reassurance to you. The more you can tune into this, the clearer your true intentions become and the more likely you will put across your truth, when it comes to the time to speak it, in a calm and confident manner – rather than in a shrill, confrontational, defensive one. Now, that is definitely better for everyone concerned.

At the end of the day, our fear of speaking our truth, or rather, our fear of being misunderstood or criticised, stems from our fundamental need to be approved of at all times. If we can move beyond this, we begin to see that whoever it is we are speaking our truth to, whatever role they are playing in our lives – they have the right to think whatever they want about us and our choices, they have the right to react however they choose. This is not a “to hell with what everybody thinks” type of attitude – this is pure and simple respectful honesty (in sharing your truth with them) and trust (that they´ll deal with it in the best way they can). In other words, you can only speak your truth; you cannot be responsible for other people´s reactions to it.

As much as we´d all like to be all things to all people, to please all the people in our lives all of the time, we have to accept that this is unlikely to be possible. As long as we are not harming another living being on the planet, we are all free to take whatever path we choose, and this is worth us all bearing in mind.

The less judgemental we are ourselves about other people and their decisions, or their truths, the more acceptance we are likely to attract into our own lives.

Living in the Present Moment

In a Stephen King novel I read recently, one of the characters says “whatever I do, I rush through so I can do something else.” And I knew exactly what they meant – don´t you? If I´m catching up on e-mails, I´m thinking I´d best hurry up so I can clean the bathroom. If I´m doing Qi Gong exercises, shouldn´t I really be doing Yoga? If I´m reading, why am I not writing? If I´m watching a movie, am I missing out on some sparkling night out? I´m even writing this, wondering if I shouldn´t be preparing dinner by now. And I really need to empty the washing machine. And what about that short story I started a while ago.....

In NLP there is a thing called the Time Line. Some people when they think about time as a line (in their mind´s eye) see the past as a point to the left, running to the future which is a point on the right, with the present right in the middle (sometimes left-handed people see it the other way around). Other people see the past as a point behind them running in a line to the future in front of them. This latter group are usually the best at being present, fully engrossed in what they are doing at any one time. Needless to say, I belong to the former – and I´ve found it does help to consciously change the way I visualise time (from side to side to front to back)...when I remember to do it!

There´s a lot to be said about living in the Now, not least of which is the fact that you really do feel more alive. When your mind is all over the place, flitting from one thing to the next, you tend to miss out on what is actually going on right now. The simple fact is that, in any given situation at any time, there is a whole world of beauty, a whole host of things to notice and to fascinate us, if we will only stop for a second and appreciate them. When you think about it, it´s actually quite rude not to and can in fact, be dangerous. Doesn´t it worry anyone else that you can drive a route you take regularly, and not remember the journey when you get there? It´s like sleepwalking and leaves us feeling at best dissatisfied and at worst out of control and vulnerable.

When we are fully present, living consciously as much as we can, we feel more in control, things stop just happening “to” us and our lives become fuller and brighter. The best way to settle ourselves down when our heads start spinning with all that we should be doing, rather than enjoying where we´re actually at, is plain and simple breathing. Honestly! Within seconds, if we focus on our breath, slow it down, make the inhalations and exhalations of equal duration and breathe deeply into the abdomen, everything kind of slots back into place and before you know where you are, you are right back where you are. Doing whatever it is you´re doing. Couple this with the affirmation that you are always in the right place at the right time doing the right thing with the right people for the right result and you´re onto a sure-fire winner. And once you´re back in the zone, in the Now, it´s a good idea to take a look around – notice something you hadn´t seen before about the room (or wherever) you happen to be. Notice how you´re feeling. Notice how the energy feels. I´m willing to bet a small fortune that something new will reveal itself to you, and you´ll find yourself smiling, happy to be exactly where you are and filled with the wonder of it all. Of being alive.

At the end of the day, it´s handy to remember that time is only an illusion anyway – created simply to stop everything from happening all at once and making an almighty mess. Thinking about this for too long, however, can really screw you up, so don´t try to understand how and why – just realise that Now, this very moment is the only thing that is real, the only thing that matters, the only thing you truly have and this should be enough to humble us all into appreciating it and everything that it is bringing to us. Now.

Bear in mind that the Universe or the Tao is communicating with us all day long, and the only way we can hear & see the magic and the messages for our highest good is by being alive. Right here, right now.

And now, if you´ll excuse me, I´ve got to go and get dinner on!

Keeping Yourself Protected from Negative Energy

The first thing that we really need to get to grips with here, the most important thing to understand, is that energy – negative or otherwise – only ever comes our way as a direct reflection of what energy we have been putting out. What you put out, you get back. Usually multiplied. Think negative thoughts about someone – in other words, put out negative energy – then that negative energy will bounce right back to you (and not necessarily from the person you directed it to in the first place). The flip side to this, of course, is that all good & loving thoughts/energy you beam out will also return to you multiplied. So, you see what I´m getting at here – making sure you keep your thoughts positive and kind is a key factor in keeping you protected from negative energy.

But, come on, there are inevitably times when we feel downright bloody-minded and end up having a good old bitching session about this person, that situation. None of us are saints (and if there are any saints reading this, please get in touch and I will re-write this column!) and living in the World of the Ten Thousands Things (as the Taoists call it) can be confusing, fearful, frustrating and annoying – all the things guaranteed to get our negative juices flowing. All we can do is to be aware of the thoughts and energy we are projecting and if they are not so positive once in a while, to refrain from beating ourselves up and simply acknowledge the fact we are having a bad hair day, then consciously beam out some good vibes to get our balance back.

So whilst it certainly helps to be aware that, on a deep level, we are responsible for all the energy coming our way, I´m sure we´ve all had times in our lives when we´ve been on the receiving end of some-one´s negative energy (a psychic attack, as it were) and we haven´t a clue why. Why should it be that the first time you meet a particular person, you feel hostility emanating from them straight away? Why does this other person always somehow make you feel inadequate, or wind you up? You know the type of thing I´m talking about. Maybe it´s just their issues, perhaps they´re jealous of you, perhaps you inadvertently once said something they took exception to. Who knows? Shit happens. But the one thing we can be sure of is that we will receive a gentle warning from the Tao – a kind of “watch your back here” sensation. And this is tricky, because I believe all of us are a bit paranoid at times and we need to distinguish between the incessant chatter going on in our heads that tells us we are unworthy and the world is a hostile place full of hostile people, and that quiet voice that whispers only truths for our highest good.

The more we can be tuned in at all times to that little voice, the more protected we will be from negative energy. See my article on “Intuition Rocks” for a more in-depth explanation, but in a nutshell, anything in your head that sounds harsh and shrill and makes your stomach flip in a sort of “oh no” fashion is more than likely to be “monkey mind” and should be viewed with suspicion. Anything that comes through quietly and calmly, more from the back of your mind rather than the emotion-fuelled front, and gives you a comforting sense of “a-ha” will be what you truly need to know. The more meditation you do, the more you focus on your breathing (deep into your abdomen and not shallow in your chest), the more Yoga, Qi Gong & Tai Chi you can incorporate into your daily life, the more easily you will be able to attune to your inner voice and the clearer all things will be.

Affirmations and visualisations, as always, are wonderful tools. Start each day visualising a rose-coloured light emanating from your heart. Watch it as it expands and forms a bubble around you. Charge it with the power to allow in only good, loving, healing vibes and to bounce back to the universe any negative energy that may come your way, for it to be refined into something more positive. Then affirm as many times as you can as you go through your day - “I am safe and divinely protected always”.

And it will be so. For you and everyone you come into contact with.

And so it is. :)

Miracles

The first thing you should know about miracles – and this may come as a bit of a shock – is that they are, in fact, quite natural and not really miraculous at all. Now I´m not dissing miracles here – far from it – I´m merely pointing out that miracles are not just random things that happen to us if we are extremely lucky; no, miracles are (or can be) a standard part of our everyday reality. They are our birthright – a gift from the Tao that we can tune into and instigate whenever we want.

And if we do want to do that, we need to get back into miracle-mindedness – stop seeing miracles as things like winning the lottery or getting your kids to do the dishes, and focus instead on the mind-boggling fact that you are currently on a planet hurtling through space at an astonishing rate of knots and, against all the odds, you are ALIVE. That, my friends, is a miracle! Once we´ve had chance to digest that and fully realise its significance, then we start to see miracles all around us every day and the more we can live in a state of miracle-mindedness, the more miracles come our way.

Of course, there are always times when something happens in our lives and we need a big, fat miracle to help us out. To instigate a miracle, affirmations work really well. Try something like “I am now instigating a miracle in my life to resolve (state issue) easily and gracefully” or more simply, just “I am now expecting miracles in my life”. Then perhaps try a spot of visualisation – seeing yourself in your mind´s eye, excited and grateful at said miracle having occurred and your life now being more in flow as a result – you don´t need to know what form the miracle will come in (in fact, don´t even try to guess – it´s the Tao´s job to sort out the finer details and it might find it quite rude if you start interfering) – just focus on the sense of relief, thankfulness and excitement you will undoubtedly feel once it happens. Then, just get on with your day. Don´t worry about it, don´t even think about it too much, just trust that a miracle is on its way and will occur at exactly the right time. This is difficult, I know, but try to think of it like ordering your food in a restaurant. Once you´ve told the waiter what you want, you don´t keep jumping up every few seconds and dashing to the kitchen just to make sure the chef´s got the order and is preparing your food right, do you? No, you just assume everything is being handled behind the scenes, you relax and look forward to your meal -and the same is true of miracles. Expect them and they will come.

Life was never meant to be a struggle. The Tao knows that and miracles know that, it´s just we humans who have forgotten. Let´s all try to remember as often as possible now, that it is perfectly all right to ask for help, and it´s perfectly all right to expect that help to come to us by way of miracles – it´s what they do best, after all!

And who knows...the more of us bringing miracles into our lives, the more positive energy we will be spreading and wouldn´t that make a better world for everyone?

I´d say so.

The Tricky Business of Letting Go

What exactly is it about letting go that freaks us all out so much? Well, if you ask me, I reckon it's all to do with attachment. We get so attached to people, things, situations, positions, beliefs, opinions and so on that we actually believe we can't live without them. In effect, we believe that we are those things. And if we want to overcome our fear of letting go, then that's the first belief we absolutely have to let go of.

Try reminding yourself every day – as many times as you remember - “I am not my beliefs” for starters and once that new way of thinking has had time to register, you'll find the whole process much easier. This is not just wishful thinking, the fact that you are much more than your beliefs has the added bit of clout that it is, in fact, The Truth. Most of our beliefs, at the end of the day, are inherited. We learn them from our parents or carers, our teachers, our partners, friends, so-called “authority figures” or society as a whole. But as we journey through our lives, there are inevitably times when certain beliefs we once held dear no longer serve us in a positive way. To keep growing and developing, it is essential that we are able to let these outmoded beliefs & opinions go. There is nothing wrong with this – it is entirely natural, no matter what anyone else says and no matter what the outcome or changes this letting go may bring about. And you certainly don't need to be all uppity and superior about it, nor do you have to beat yourself up for once entertaining ideas that are no longer relevant in your life. You've outgrown them, that's all and you're perfectly within your rights to acknowledge that they've worked for you in the past, but to affirm that you now have a different way of being so you're releasing them gently and with love. It might all sound a bit namby-pamby and pointless, but try it – it's more powerful than you might expect.

Once that idea has had time to settle and become hardwired into your inner circuitry, it becomes clear that it can be applied to all aspects of your life. Of course, we all love certain people and hope to have them in our lives forever. We are proud of our positions in society, the money we've made, the things we've accumulated over the years – nice house, car, gadgets, holidays etc. But the simple fact is, nothing and no-one is guaranteed to be around for ever. Anything could happen – we've all seen it in our own lives and in the lives of those around us. Anything. And there's nothing we can do about it, except to change the way we look at it. Letting go of the fear and the dread is the first step; a close second is to make sure we take time every day to appreciate and give thanks for those people and things. Then if someone or something is suddenly taken from our lives, we can go through the whole grieving process – which is perfectly natural, essential in fact – safe in the knowledge that we will handle this.

The thing to remember is that everything happens for a reason. Even if you can't see it at the time. The Tao has it all under control and is working for your highest good all the time – fact - even if you can't for the life of you understand why. We've all had these situations – when we look back and say “wow, had it not been for that horrible thing happening, then this really good thing would never have happened” - haven't we? So, even though it's difficult to remember when you're in the midst of having to let something or someone go, why would you think that this time would be any different? The Tao will never let you down, and the more you can show your trust of it, by letting go with grace and gratitude, the easier the process and the more empowered you become. This doesn't make us hard-nosed, unfeeling so-and-sos, quite the opposite. When we start to trust in ourselves and in the grand scheme of things, it ultimately makes it easier for everybody concerned. Our decisions become more love-based and clear, in other words.

Everything changes – some things go, new things come in. It's life and it's wonderful.

However it appears initially, keep remembering, all change is good.

All About Worrying

We all do it.

And when we're in the throes of it, the last thing we want to hear off well-meaning others is “don't worry”. Have you ever wondered why those very words only cause you to worry all the more?

Well, there is a reason, and it's this. Our subconscious mind is incapable of recognising negatives (hence why when using affirmations, it should only be positive, i.e. affirm what you do want rather than what you don't want) so what it hears and processes is simply “worry”. It's not that your subconscious mind is stupid, nor is it doing this to spite you, it's just the way it is; concerned only with doing and not with not doing. And once you understand that, you can really turn it to your advantage – your subconscious mind is on your side fully and absolutely, after all, it just needs you to know how to communicate with it, to let it know exactly what you want in its own language.

So when it comes to worrying, our patterns are usually something like – worry followed by various methods of denial (telling yourself not to worry, letting others tell you not to worry, blanking it out completely by getting off your face on drugs or alcohol, hiding under the duvet hoping it will all go away) followed by worry. There's no getting away from the worry if there is something worrying you. Fact. You might as well take it by the short & curlies and handle it sooner rather than later then you can preserve your precious energy for the good things in life. And the most effective and speedy way to accomplish this is to change the way you look at worrying, change the message you are sending to your subconscious mind.

It doesn't matter what the actually worry itself is, the best thing you can do for starters is to accept that you are worried – own the worry, take responsibility for it, fully face up to it. Then, if there is nothing you can do right now to alleviate the worry, no action you can take to stop it in its track, start to talk to your subconscious mind and to the Tao within you.

Try something like “I choose now to see the perfect solution to (state your worry). I trust everything will resolve itself miraculously and easily.”

Or whatever feels right to you – the important thing is to avoid “don'ts” and to focus on what you do want – a satisfactory outcome – even though you don't know how that will transpire, or perhaps even what it will be. It's the absolute belief, that unquestioning faith that the Tao will sort it all out that creates the magic.

Next comes the tough bit! Forget about it. Go about your day, being as positive as you can, but forget the worry. This is not a case of denial like we were talking about a few paragraphs back, this is in fact, taking responsibility. If you go along with trusting that simply because you have asked, the Tao will provide the perfect outcome for you and everyone concerned, then you go about your day continuing to worry about it, the pictures you are creating in your mind's eye will be...well...worrying! You may end up inadvertently creating the very thing you are worrying about, the very worst outcome simply by seeing it so in your mind's eye. Your subconscious cannot differentiate what you're visualising and imagining and dreading from what's really happening in your physical reality and will get to work on providing you with what it thinks you want. So, no mixed messages – if you ask for a positive outcome, it's your job to keep focusing on a positive outcome. Even if you can't see one, if your worry is just so huge that you don't know how it can possibly ever be resolved, simply imagine yourself at some point in the very near future, looking relieved and happy, thinking “wow, that was so easy. I could never have imagined it would have turned out so well.”

There will always be something to worry about – it's not always necessarily a bad thing – but as with all things in life, it's how you choose to handle it that matters. Do we turn it to our advantage and grow through it, or do we exhaust ourselves through excessive worry? It's our choice always, but one thing is for sure – if we worry, we might as well be praying for what we don't want.

'Nuff said!

Quantum leaps to help you handle life

There are two issues under discussion here; handling your life and quantum leaps. Put the two together and you're on to a sure-fire winner.

What exactly does it mean to handle your life? Well, I don't think there are two people on the planet whose interpretations would be the same, so subjective a topic it is, but the one thing we can say for certain is that if we don't handle life, then life handles us. If we allow life to handle us, then we become victims. And who wants that? To feel that you have absolutely no control over events, that stuff just happens and there's nothing you can do about it? It is in this very mind-set that perceived “bad” stuff happens, simply because that's what you expect and look out for every time you open your eyes in the morning. You can't handle your life because you're too busy dreading whatever life throws at you next and when it does, the only dubious consolation is that you can at least say you were right all along about what a bitch life really is.

Oddly enough, quantum leaps operate in much the same way – you have to just let go, sitback and let stuff happen. The difference here is that when you instigate a quantum leap, it is not done with a sense of trepidation or fear, and the awaiting of said quantum leap is not filled with apprehension and worry. When you trust the Tao enough to ask it to make a quantum leap to occur in any area of your life which might not be working as beautifully as you deserve, ONLY good can transpire. There is no other way it can be. The key is in the wording. It must be positive. Try something like:

I am now instigating a quantum leap which enables me to handle my life more easily, effectively, joyfully, lovingly and confidently.

And what is there to be afraid of in that? Yes, there is maybe an element of reservation – after all, you don't know exactly what's going to happen, you know it's going to be big - quantum-sized no less – and you're not the one controlling it, making it happen, which does take courage. But that shouldn't be confused with feeling timid and scared and dreading what might happen. This absolute trust and faith that the Tao will sort it out and that whatever happens, no matter how unexpected, it will be for your highest and greatest good, and for the greater good of everyone else concerned, is the humble courage of a true warrior.

With that degree of trust, even something as diverse, complicated and confusing as handling your life can be made straightforward and hey presto, before you know it, you've sat back and let it all happen so much that you are truly taking control.

You are handling your life! Enjoy!!

Accepting yourself

What is it that makes accepting ourselves so difficult? I mean, surely it should be the easiest thing in the world. What could there possibly be not to accept about ourselves?

LOADS OF STUFF!!! We've been raised and conditioned to take on board our so-called “authority figures'” - parents, teachers, religious leaders etc – beliefs, attitudes and behavioural patterns as our own. We inherit a plethora of rules and ways of doing things that are unquestioningly deemed to be “right” from people who, more often than not, inherited them themselves from their authority figures. And should we start to feel that any of these imposed ways of being does not suit us and stray away from the pre-determined path, guilt immediately ensues, we beat ourselves up mercilessly, all because we are not accepting ourselves.

But when you really think about it – what we're failing to accept is not really ourselves. What we've stopped accepting is the status quo. And that's scary for anyone, no matter how head-strong (in fact, usually the more head-strong someone appears, the more scared they really are). If we do things our own way, follow our own path and be ourselves, we think we run the risk of alienation. People won't like us any more. People might laugh at us. People might try to f*ck it all up for us. People might become our enemies and no-one will understand us. We'll be on our own.

And that is utter bullshit! It's your monkey-mind (the incessant chattering at the front of your head, keeping a running commentary of how it perceives everything to be) trying to protect you – which is very nice of it, but if accepting yourself is a key issue, it needs to be reigned in. It's likely to be making some sound points, but it's like a snowball – the more you let it roll, the bigger it gets until it totally drowns out the quiet, reassuring voice of your higher self, whispering to you from deep in the back of your mind. Your higher self accepts you fully and totally period. It doesn't need to work on it, like you do – it just does. So it's a powerful ally in your quest to accept yourself. Tune into it as often as you can and you'll be surprised at just how rapidly you can strengthen your connection to this gentle voice within simply by regularly affirming it to be so. It's the regularity that causes the magic here. Try something like “I now choose to listen to my higher self” every time you go to the loo or whenever you get a quiet few moments to yourself, then don't expect anything remarkable straight away (although you may experience an epiphany) but do be sensitive to subtle changes and sudden ideas that seem to pop into your mind. You may find old, outdated behavioural patterns that no longer serve any positive purpose in your life fade out; you might suddenly understand why you always react a certain way in certain situations; childhood memories and/or dreams might throw light on a part of yourself you're not accepting; or you may simply feel a wave of love and acceptance from your higher self, from the Tao within that knows you only as the perfect divine spark of love and light that you truly are.

And that's all that really matters at the end of the day. We could talk until we're blue in the face about the multitude of reasons we, as human beings, find it difficult to accept ourselves totally. But I'm so selfish. But I'm such a weak person. But I'm so lazy. But I always mess everything up. But I can never maintain a relationship. But I've done something so awful in the past. But I'm a fraud. But, but, but! There will always be some part of us we're not that happy with, something we're ashamed of, something we try to hide – human beings are complicated and the world of the ten thousand things is a complicated, confusing place to be! But by remembering that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, not the other way around, then we remember our true nature – and that takes no accepting at all.

It just is.

You are a perfect expression of the Tao in human form.

We all are. And that's all you need to know. Be happy!

If I consciously manifest abundance, doesn't that make me greedy?

We live in a world of scarcity – or so we would be led to believe. We've had this belief drummed into us from a very early age. There's not enough of anything. Money. Time. Food. Work. Fun. Love. Affection. Honesty. Happiness. Laughter. Holidays. Good programmes on the telly. Gold awards for good pupils. We learn this belief from our parents, who learned it from their parents, and from our teachers, who learned it from their teachers and so on. Is it any wonder that we have such problems wishing ourselves a life of plenty (which we all do, because we know we deserve it) with this as our hardwired, yet nothing more than inherited, belief structure.

And, to make matters worse, this very same belief process looks suspiciously at anybody daring to have 'enough' or, heaven forbid, 'more than' us and automatically dismisses them as greedy and grasping. So, you can see, straight away, there is a conflict here. We all want more, but we don't want the accusations or the disapproval or the rejections that 'more' will inevitably bring to our lives. So we stop ourselves. The vast majority of us stop ourselves and instead opt for a life of mediocrity and struggling.

Now, is it just me, or is that a shit way to live? Here's the truth of the matter. The universe is abundant. Our world, our planet, our lives are all part of the universe – we can't get away from it – so that means that we, too, are abundant. All we have to do to claim it, is to release ourselves from thought patterns and beliefs that aren't even ours anyway – we learned them from people who learned them from other people who learned them from god knows who – and they have no significance or truth in our lives today.

If there is something you would like to manifest in your life, be it money, love, success, happiness, good health, all you have to do is ask. Sit quietly and in whatever way feels the most appropriate and comfortable to you, ask. You are talking directly to the universe, the Tao, God, Angels – whatever term you care to use – and telling them what you want to manifest in your life. And the universe, Tao, God, Angels love it when we do that and here's why. We are meant to be abundant. We are all meant to live a life of abundance. Do you really think the Tao/God is such a miserable mother that it actually enjoys watching us suffer and make do? No. And you know why? Because it expresses itself through us – we are like its ambassadors on earth – so if we're miserable and suffering through being less than we truly are, the Tao is hardly going to be having a good gig, is it?

Try from today to change your thinking. It's OK to invest in manifesting. Just make sure you add the proviso that what you ask to manifest should only do so if it is truly for your own highest & greatest good, and the highest good of all concerned - that way, if you've got it wrong and it wouldn't be beneficial, you won't end up up the creek without a paddle. Plus it shows that you are open and willing for the Tao to scrap that and send you something even better. It's a win-win situation.

Remember, manifesting anything for your highest good is not only your birthright, it is your responsibility. The more you do it, and the more good you attract into your life - making you a more sparkling and vibrant, loving and generous person to boot - the more you might just inspire others to do the same. There's enough for all of us, otherwise we wouldn't all be here. And the more of us trusting this process and getting down with the whole manifesting for our highest goods – which can only be for the greater good of all – the less of us will be left looking on from our unfulfilled and unhappy lives, muttering about greed and unfairness.

Now, surely, that's a much more healthy and productive way for us all to live.

Or is it just me?