A few days ago, a very dear friend of mine announced her intention to practice making herself invisible during meditation.
Fair enough, we both had a bit of a giggle and a banter about this, but at the same time, understanding that we are all just energy condensed to a slow vibration – which gives us the illusion of appearing solid - we were willing to go along with the idea that with some practice and focused, conscious intent, “fading ourselves out around the edges” so to speak, and becoming less noticeable to those around us was not only possible, but also quite a neat and handy trick. My husband swears that, as a small boy, he put this to the test when he was on a bus but didn't have any money for his fare. This was way back in the days of bus conductors (yes, we really are that old!) and as the scary man in the peaked hat with his money satchel & ticket machine criss-crossed over his chest made his way through the bus, Mike prayed and prayed to be invisible. The conductor simply walked past him.
So, all this talk about invisibility got me to thinking, and I realised that this was, in fact (amongst many others), one of the wonderful lessons Ibiza has been trying to teach me. Invisibility really is possible – not only is it possible to make ourselves invisible, but we can also make those people who are no longer serving a positive purpose in our lives, invisible to us.
As I've stated on countless occasions in this blog, living on Ibiza has been an eye-opening experience to say the least, and the lessons and new understandings I've been blessed with – whilst tough at times – have been invaluable and I wouldn't have missed out on a single one. And this particular one feels like an important one for me to be sharing with you all today.
Our relationships and interactions with other people are about the most complex thing we have to deal with whilst on the planet. No two relationships are the same, no two sets of feelings are the same – in short, we are completely on our own when it comes to us and our feelings about our relationships. Even the other person or people involved don't really know how we feel about them; it is absolutely 100% within us and nobody else can possibly be in there, experiencing our feelings with us.
Which is why things get so confusing when, for some reason, we don't resonate with someone (or suddenly stop resonating with someone), yet, other people we love and respect have no problem with them. We might even start to feel guilty – especially if others are telling us we “should” make an effort and like this particular person (and this happens more intensely when it's disharmony within the family). And when guilt kicks in, well, that's guaranteed to create an even messier situation because guilt loves to lash out, point the finger and prove itself right over and over again in order to justify its own existence. Then the whole thing escalates and gets completely out of control.
This has happened a number of times in my life since I moved to Ibiza and began being compelled to think things out for myself and make my own decisions, rather than just blindly conforming to inherited beliefs and behaviours. It's taken me a bit of time to get used to this new liberating way of being – it's flipping scary and hard work standing out against the majority, or those you genuinely care for but have a difference of opinion with. So, if you have a similar situation going on in your life, or if you've read so far and think you might as well continue, here's my take on the whole thing.
Every single person in your life is here to play a very specific role – as you are in their lives – and just because someone plays a supposed “negative” role in your life (in other words, annoys the crap out of you) doesn't mean that they will be playing that role in another person's life. So, try to grasp the idea that just because you dislike, disapprove, distrust a particular person, it doesn't always follow that they are a dislikeable, disrespectful, untrustworthy influence in someone else's life...even if that someone else is someone you are very close to. You've just got to accept that, for now at least, if they are a part of that person's life, then there's a reason – you might never know what that reason is because these are their lessons, their stuff and you've got no right to interfere. You've just got to let them get on with it.
Equally, you should never feel bad or guilty or pressured into tolerating someone in your life that you know is a negative or harmful influence to you. Your intuition and your emotions are the only things you can rely on here – not other people's opinions – and if you strongly sense that you are being affected in a bad way, or that a particular person/set of people are no longer in harmony with your current beliefs and intentions, then the gentlest way forward is to, quite simply, make them invisible to you!! Here's how...
First of all, it's important to take some quiet time, preferably meditate on the situation as whilst emotions are key to opening us up to how we truly feel, the problem with them is that they can get a bit carried away with themselves and get all out of control in our heads if we don't pay attention. So, sit quietly, accept your feelings and emotions and then ask for guidance...from whoever feels right to you; God/dess, the Tao, Spirit, the Universe, the Angels, the Faeries, the Source of All That Is...whoever. State your intention that, if it is truly for the greater good of all concerned, such-and-such a person(s) be released with love and gratitude from your life. This proviso of only if it is truly for the greater good of all concerned is hugely important, just in case you have let your emotions run amock and made some judgemental mountain out of a molehill rash decision that you will come to regret later.
I've used this technique a lot and it really is very powerful. There have been a couple of occasions when the people involved remained dominant in my life and I had to accept that it was my ego lashing out in a kind of how dare you tantrum over what turned out to be something and nothing, and I'm glad that we could find a resolution. However, on the times when certain people clearly were having a toxic effect on my life and were not to be trusted, it was almost as though Spirit had been waiting for the call. Immediately, these people vanished from my life. Poof. Gone. Obviously, they are still around living their lives, but I quite literally never see them. Now, this is a small island and I even live in the same town as some of my vanishees so you would expect the occasional “bumping into” wouldn't you? But no. Not even once.
So when this happens, you know without a doubt that you are on track. You just have to trust the process; if they stick around, there is a positive reason for that, if they disappear then that was the most positive outcome for all of you at that time.
But what is important to stress here...and I mentioned this earlier...is that this in no way means that these people are inherently “bad” - they just no longer play a positive part in your life, and they need to be released in order to make room for new people coming in who are more in alignment with you. So, don't view this technique as an “up yours” vengeful type of exercise because it's not. Be grateful for it, and be grateful for the people you've released.
And no matter what they've “done” to you, or however much they've upset you in the past, once this gentle release is activated, in order to keep it going, and to keep you protected from those energies you no longer choose to attract into your life, practice sending love and forgiveness to them on a regular basis. We're talking here forgiveness in the true sense of the word; not just letting people off the hook, or turning a blind eye to damaging behaviour, or tolerating abuse and disrespect from others because it's the easy option, or out of some misguided sense of duty. No, true forgiveness comes from the heart and releases you from negative patterns as well as those you are forgiving.
Remember, we're all one consciousness at the end of the day – it's just sometimes the human elements can clash – but it's all for a reason...if only to learn this technique and thus connect you closer to the Tao that guides and protects you always...and to remind you that whenever you need help with anything, all you need to do is ask and miracles and vanishing acts are just around the corner!
;)
My first kitty tale is about Tez, who after the death of his older brother, Rez, a couple of years ago, became hubby's and my 'son number one'. He rose to the challenge perfectly, keeping his two younger sisters in order, yet never seeming to mind when they shoved him out of his dish so that they could eat his food. He'd just sit patiently while they quaffed the lot, knowing fine well that me or hubby would fill it up for him once they'd finished...and that he'd be the one to get the tuna treat on top, just for being such a good big brother!
On 19th February, Tez went out for a stroll in the forest, and he never came back. He was sixteen years old, which is the equivalent of an eighty year old person, and he'd been uncharacteristically poorly just a few weeks before, which had necessitated a full week of trips to the vet. Whilst we tried to stay positive and hopeful, and were out searching for him day after day, both hubby and I knew – within hours of him not returning – that he'd sensed it was his “time” and had taken himself off somewhere peaceful to drift into his forever sleep...as cats are prone to do. I can't even begin to describe how devastated we were, and to be honest, I don't even want to try, I mean we'd had Tez since he was a kitten so we had literally lost a family member, and an absolutely adored one at that. But still, in the midst of all the upset and tears, there was some light; we'd never had to watch Tez suffer in his old age, or be faced with having to make that heartbreaking decision about whether to put him to sleep...no, Tez had spared us (and himself) all of that and had quit peacefully while he was ahead. If that's not a blessing, or a gift, then I don't know what is.
Still, the fact remained...we missed him more than we could ever say. The whole energy of the house changed and we began to realise what “big” energy Tez had. Even his two sisters seemed to notice he'd gone and both seemed glum and sad, so after a few weeks, we began to wonder about getting another boy cat. We both had some reservations – it wasn't like we were looking for a replacement for Tez (nobody could do that anyway) – but there was still a bit of a sense of guilt and disloyalty. Was it the right thing to do? One minute we thought yes, the next, no, so we decided the only sensible thing to do was to hand it over to the universe, or the Tao, to sort it out for us. If a new kitten was meant to come into our lives, then he would be guided to us, or we'd be guided to him. Simple.
So, another couple of weeks passed and we were round at our friends' apartment one Sunday afternoon. For some reason, at about half-past six, I suddenly had the urge to leave. We were having a lovely time, but I just couldn't shake the sense that it was time to go. As we were walking through the grounds on our way back to the car, we spotted two beautiful black cats so, of course, we immediately went over to fuss and play with them. Suddenly, a voice called out, “do you want one?” We hadn't noticed the lady sitting on the wall and I think we both just gawped in answer to her unexpected question. She went on to explain that these two black cats had just had a litter of kittens together – there were five of them, she was keeping two herself, had found a home for two of the others, there was just one left that still needed a home. A boy.
It was one of those moments when you can actually feel fate play its hand, and even before we went to see him, we both knew that this was the kitten for us. Two weeks later, when he was ready to be separated from his mum, we went to pick him up and herein commences kitty tale number two!
We got our tiny little, jet black kitten home and puzzled and pondered. What on earth were we going to call him? I wanted his name to somehow honour Rez and Tez, and my first idea was Artie...which was actually the letters R & T...clever, eh? I can tell you're impressed! But, as we got to know him, it became clear he just wasn't an Artie or an RT, so it was back to the drawing board. Then it struck us that his name should have some connection to Ibiza, since he is a genuine Ibicenco cat, and as soon as that idea hit home, I heard his name in my head. “Bez” I yelled to Mike, who just grinned and said, “yes, of course.” Bez is the Phoenician God of Dance who, according to legend, led all the poisonous animals off Ibiza, and our little kitty definitely suited the name.
It wasn't until later that we realised we had, in fact, honoured his two big brothers with his name...Rez, Tez & Bez! And there's more...I went to google Bez and discovered that it is actually spelt Bes (Bez being the dancer in the Happy Mondays!) Now, rewinding back a few years, we had another gorgeous boy cat who was the twin of Bethany, one of the girls who still lives with us. Bear with me, I promise this is relevant and it will all make sense. This little guy had kidney problems and we had to have him put to sleep at a young age, which was horrendous. His name was Seb – which is Bes backwards. I've been in hysterics about all this – it's absolutely perfect – our new, little kitten is all of his older, departed brothers rolled into one!!
So, now even when little Bez is clambering up the curtains, trying to chew through leads, eating plants, kicking litter all over the kitchen, launching himself up my dressing gown, I am in absolutely no doubt that he is meant to be in our lives. Just as we requested, the universe guided us together in an astounding display of synchronicities. If we hadn't gone to our friends' apartment that Sunday, and left at the exact time we did, we might never have known he existed.
And, yes this might seem like a bit of a self-indulgent blog; here I am raving on about my kitty-cat family, but there is a reason I'm sharing all of this with you. For me, it's all been a powerful reminder that no matter what happens, no matter how sad, upsetting or “bad” things are, there is always a reason – there is a thread running through all our lives, connecting all the events, good and bad (and in fact, connecting all of us, but let's not go there right now!) - it's just that sometimes it takes a while before you see the purpose, the necessity, behind the so-called negative event or loss. But if you trust in the process, even in the darkest of days, if you are willing to let go and just know that you will be guided and that everything will be all right in the end, then it always will be. It always is anyway, there's no other way for things to work out, but you can make the whole thing smoother and easier on yourself and bring the light and positivity back into your life sooner. Keep the faith, trust the universe and trust your intuition. And be grateful...for everything.
Oh, and just one more little point that, again, made us feel that this was absolutely meant to be – Bez was born on 22nd February, just three days after Tez left.
Fate? I'd say so....wouldn't you?
I suppose as it's been over four months since my last blog, I'd better have something darnned interesting to share with you. Well, as it happens, I jolly well do!
It has been an fascinating four months to put it mildly, filled with lessons and eye-opening experiences...all of them revolving around our house move. People say that moving house is one of the most stressful experiences you can have, but for us, it was pre-moving house that was causing the stress. Let me explain...
We last moved house almost two years ago, and within a very short space of time, it became clear that the house we had thought was ideal for us, was in fact, to put it politely...an absolute dump. That well-respected company “Bodgit & Scarper” had obviously been employed to half-do every job - light-fittings were loose, kitchen cupboard doors were falling off the hinges, the water was brown much of the time and had a worryingly sulphur-like smell, the windows didn't fit properly, the impressive-looking open-fire place did nothing but fill the house with rancid smoke and the telephone line & broadband that the agent assured us had been enjoyed by the last tenant turned out to be unavailable in our particular area. Worse still, our beloved oldest cat, Reznor, was knocked down right outside the house within a month of us moving in. A sign? Definitely, but even though more and more things started conking out in the house as the months passed, and we were dismayed to see the undeniable signs of construction work about to begin in the field right next to our house, we were undeterred. We had a plan.
After struggling along for a full year so as not to default on the one-year contract we had signed, last February, we helped some friends of ours move into their new place. Immediately, hubby and I fell in love with their house...it was well-maintained, nicely-furnished, had a phone line plus broadband and was situated in a beautiful location. We ranted and raved and told our friends over and over how lucky they were to have found such a spot. After just a few weeks, they confessed to us that, whilst they liked their new house, they were planning to go travelling later in the year, probably in November, then to rent somewhere else on the island when they returned. They appreciated that we were keen to move out of our house as soon as ever possible, but if we were willing to hold fire for a few months, would we be interested in taking over their rental contract when they left, which would mean that we would have our dream home on Ibiza, and they would not be reneging on their one-year contract, thus losing their security deposit? Would we? Yes, of course!! It was the perfect solution for all of us.
For the next few months, we tolerated new, noisy neighbours with kids whose toys started to litter the street, and whose dogs chased our cats. We tolerated the fact that our washing machine filled with water when not in use, yet not a drop was to be seen when on a cycle. Even the water tank exploding and turning downstairs into a murky-looking swimming pool didn't bother us that much. We would be handing in our month's notice at the end of October at the latest and we were counting the days.
Then things took a bit of a turn.
October arrived and we kept asking our friends when they wanted to meet up with their landlord to make sure it was all right with him for us to move in. Intuition started to whisper that something was wrong, along with common sense when they clearly avoided the subject over and over. Eventually, two weeks before we were due to hand in our notice, they dropped the bombshell that their plans had changed...they hoped we would understand, but they were no longer going travelling. Really sorry and all that.
I would like to say, at this point, that we took this in our stride; we hugged them, told them it was fine, not to worry, these things happen. I'd like to say that, but it would be a lie. We fumed, we cursed...hey, we're only human, and the fact remained that we could have found somewhere else and been out of the hell-hole we were living in months before. And now we had only two weeks to find a new home and hand in our month's notice so that we didn't have to spend another Christmas in our old place. However, I can say that these negative emotions were short-lived and we soon came to terms with our situation, realising that – as with all things in life – this had to have happened for a reason, and we began to take positive action. I focused on handing this over to the Tao to manifest the next perfect home for us, and hubby trawled the internet, looking for somewhere and just over a week later, we made an appointment to view a property which, to cut a long story short, is where we are now living...and it truly is our perfect home.
So, all's well that ends well...a nice story, but there's more to it than that, and this is the reason I decided to blog about it. Believe it or not, our new home is less than a five minute drive from our friends' house. It's a similar kind of property which has all of the attributes that made their house so appealing to us in the first place, and at the risk of sounding like I'm gloating (Who? Me? Perish the thought!), quite a few more besides.
Funny how things turn out, isn't it? All those months that, in our initial anger and disappointment, we thought we had wasted waiting for our friends to move, had actually been put to the best possible use, as we had been doing nothing less than visualising ourselves living in this beautiful part of northern Ibiza, in a lovely, comfortable home. And because we didn't waste too much time and energy feeling angry, resentful or self-pitying, those visualisations manifested into something way better than we had been expecting.
And just as another nice, little sign to show us we're on track and in the right place...our old house was in a place called Can Guasch in Santa Eulalia. Our new landlady's name is Eulalia Guasch. Oh, Tao, you do crack me up sometimes!!!
Wishing you all the miracles and magic from the Tao that you truly deserve.
Namaste.
:)
