Healing Loved Ones

It´s important, first and foremost, to understand exactly what we mean when we talk about healing.

Healing, literally, means to make whole; to see mind, body and spirit as one unified whole. And this is extremely difficult when we are dealing with loved ones who are suffering.

We desperately want to make them better, and the tendency (quite naturally) is to focus on the ailment. However, if we can, in the midst of our own emotions, remember that what we focus on grows, then we are in a much stronger position to do as much good as we possibly can.

Instead of seeing your loved one as someone suffering from cancer, or someone whose arthritis is causing them great pain, or whose depression seems to be getting worse, remind yourself that they, like all of us, are nothing less than a perfect expression of the Tao in human form. They are much more than their physical body, or their physical symptoms – they are divine sparks of light, spiritual beings here having their human experience.

This is crucial if we want to move away from the panicky, helpless feelings that threaten to take over when someone we care about is ill. The more we panic, the more we project that onto them and we run the risk of actually doing more harm than good. This is not to say that we are uncaring or unfeeling – far from it – our own feelings and fears are bound to surface and this is natural and healthy, but at the time when we are consciously giving healing, these have to be held in check.

You might be giving healing to your loved one by a formal hands-on treatment if they´re happy with that, or you might be doing it remotely if that is more appropriate. Distance/remote healing is every bit as powerful as a one-on-one, and the same principles apply.

First of all, bring your attention to yourself. Yes, yourself! Spend a few moments quietening your mind and feeling the energy of the universe moving through you, as it always is, but really try to tune into it. Now, ask – simply ask – for this universal energy to be charged with healing powers both for yourself and your loved one. At this point, you might start to feel a bit of a tingling in your palms and your feet, you might start to feel slightly warmer – there is no hard and fast rule, but once you feel some kind of connection, give thanks and state quite bluntly (no need for flowery explanations here) that your intention is to work with this energy for the purposes of healing name of loved one.

If you are with the person, place your hands on them wherever feels right – they might stay in one position, or you might feel you want to move them round. Don´t think about it or what it means, just go with it. If you are at a distance, imagine doing it. Make sure you are breathing deep into your abdomen and start now to visualise.

Imagine soothing golden light totally surrounding both you and your loved one as the two of you experience this healing together. Know that you are perfectly safe. Then ask for this healing-imbued energy to flow into the person´s physical body, to whatever part of the body would benefit most from it. Ask for all blockages, all areas of stuck energy to be replaced now by this wonderful flow of healing energy and for the person to receive healing on all levels – mind, body and spirit.

This is just a guide – what I felt guided to write at this moment – when you are tuned into the universal flow of healing energy, you will find yourself silently saying exactly the right words and exactly the right visualisations will be strong in your mind. You may picture angels, spirit guides, fairies, you might hear healing sounds, or see lights. You may see nothing at all, it may just be a sensation – it doesn´t matter – just be open to whatever happens, safe in the knowledge that your request has been heard and is being acted upon.

Then comes the hard bit. Whether you are healing a loved one who has a headache, or a serious disease, you have to let go and trust the process. It is not our job to specify the outcome, what is important is the intention to heal, to make whole in whatever way is for our loved one´s highest and greatest good. So, avoid begging or pleading for the person to “get better” - remember, healing means make whole, not make better and as twisted as it sounds, our interpretation of “better” might not actually be for our loved one´s highest good at that time. For instance, if there appears to be no improvement to, say, a headache or an upset stomach, perhaps the most beneficial thing for them is a break from work, or to avoid going out that evening. The healing energy, the person´s body-wisdom, spirit and the Tao know best – not us – and we have to trust that, even when we are dealing with something more serious, even terminal. The purpose of our healing should be to assist on all levels, not to interfere with another soul´s journey by our own needs, wishes and what we see as “best” for the person getting in the way. This is the highest form of healing, the greatest gift we can possibly give. It is the only true form of healing.

OK, so that was a bit of a heavy one today, wasn´t it? When I decide to write a column, I just sit quietly first and ask what would be the most useful thing to write about today, and then I go with the first answer to come to me, so I´m not sure why I was guided to write this one, but no doubt there is a good reason.

And who I am to argue? :)

Sending love & healing energy to you all.

On Being a People Pleaser

What exactly is wrong with people pleasing? Why should the words, “s/he´s just a people-pleaser” carry such negative connotations? What´s the alternative – be a people-pisser-off?

Pleasing other people is a wonderful thing to do – as spiritual beings having our human experience, it´s our duty to please each other as much as we possibly can. What we give out, we get back multiplied after all, so it makes life better and more pleasing for everyone. Which is all well and good, but the thing to bear in mind is this...it´s not the actual act – the thing you did or didn´t do, said or didn´t say to the person you pleased – it´s the energy, the motivation behind it that matters. In other words, if your heart isn´t in it, if you don´t genuinely mean it, then you are not acting as your authentic self and in the long run, this pleases no-one. Least of all the Tao.

I suppose what it all boils down to is self-worth. We find ourselves agreeing to things, smiling when we don´t mean it, keeping quiet because we don´t want to rock the boat, letting people off the hook because we´re scared of the consequences if we don´t. We´re scared of disapproval, of confrontation, of being considered mean, of making a fuss and it´s easier to just grin and bear it than to be true to ourselves and do (or not do) what we know is right for us.

But, like I said, people-pleasing for the wrong reasons is fuelled with negative energy and serves no positive purpose whatsoever. Not even to the person you supposedly “pleased” - whatever it was you did to please them is cancelled out by the negativity surrounding it – your feelings of resentment, anger, frustration etc towards them, and eventually, in one guise or another, those energies will come full circle and have a detrimental effect on everyone concerned.

So, it´s best to start by working on your feelings of self-worth. Remind yourself as many times as you remember through the day (and this is a good one to do whilst looking at your own reflection in a mirror) “I matter. I count. I am worthy.” Once your subconscious mind has processed and accepted this as truth, you will naturally know your own worth and feel more confident in declining to please people for pleasing people´s sake.

There will still be times, no doubt, when you find yourself confronted with a situation and you´re teetering between doing what feels right to you and taking the so-called “easy” option and people-pleasing. Try to remember that what this actually is, is a gift from the universe or the Tao, an opportunity to put your best authentic self forward and to act from the heart no matter what other people may think.

And if, now and again (as we all do), you do find yourself agreeing to people pleasing – well, so what? Don´t beat yourself up. Try to look at the situation differently – do whatever it is with as much of your heart as you can and, above all, do not harbour negative thoughts or feelings about the person or people involved. It´s a lesson, a chance for you to get clearer about what is and isn´t right for you. To boost your self-worth. And perhaps next time, you´ll feel more confident about putting your own feelings and truths first.

Remember, when something makes you feel heavy or resentful, your inner voice is trying to tell you you are off-kilter here and no-one benefits in the long run. However, when you are filled with love, lightness, joy and a deep sense of gratitude in being able to be pleasing or helpful to someone – that´s for everyone´s highest good, and opportunities like this should be actively sought out and carried out unconditionally as much as possible. To genuinely please someone is a gift – not just to them, but to you too. It raises your energy vibration and just makes you feel darned good!

But remember above all - you are worthy. You do count.

Yes, I´m talking to you.

And I´m not just saying that to please you. :)