A few days ago, a very dear friend of mine announced her intention to practice making herself invisible during meditation.
Fair enough, we both had a bit of a giggle and a banter about this, but at the same time, understanding that we are all just energy condensed to a slow vibration – which gives us the illusion of appearing solid - we were willing to go along with the idea that with some practice and focused, conscious intent, “fading ourselves out around the edges” so to speak, and becoming less noticeable to those around us was not only possible, but also quite a neat and handy trick. My husband swears that, as a small boy, he put this to the test when he was on a bus but didn't have any money for his fare. This was way back in the days of bus conductors (yes, we really are that old!) and as the scary man in the peaked hat with his money satchel & ticket machine criss-crossed over his chest made his way through the bus, Mike prayed and prayed to be invisible. The conductor simply walked past him.
So, all this talk about invisibility got me to thinking, and I realised that this was, in fact (amongst many others), one of the wonderful lessons Ibiza has been trying to teach me. Invisibility really is possible – not only is it possible to make ourselves invisible, but we can also make those people who are no longer serving a positive purpose in our lives, invisible to us.
As I've stated on countless occasions in this blog, living on Ibiza has been an eye-opening experience to say the least, and the lessons and new understandings I've been blessed with – whilst tough at times – have been invaluable and I wouldn't have missed out on a single one. And this particular one feels like an important one for me to be sharing with you all today.
Our relationships and interactions with other people are about the most complex thing we have to deal with whilst on the planet. No two relationships are the same, no two sets of feelings are the same – in short, we are completely on our own when it comes to us and our feelings about our relationships. Even the other person or people involved don't really know how we feel about them; it is absolutely 100% within us and nobody else can possibly be in there, experiencing our feelings with us.
Which is why things get so confusing when, for some reason, we don't resonate with someone (or suddenly stop resonating with someone), yet, other people we love and respect have no problem with them. We might even start to feel guilty – especially if others are telling us we “should” make an effort and like this particular person (and this happens more intensely when it's disharmony within the family). And when guilt kicks in, well, that's guaranteed to create an even messier situation because guilt loves to lash out, point the finger and prove itself right over and over again in order to justify its own existence. Then the whole thing escalates and gets completely out of control.
This has happened a number of times in my life since I moved to Ibiza and began being compelled to think things out for myself and make my own decisions, rather than just blindly conforming to inherited beliefs and behaviours. It's taken me a bit of time to get used to this new liberating way of being – it's flipping scary and hard work standing out against the majority, or those you genuinely care for but have a difference of opinion with. So, if you have a similar situation going on in your life, or if you've read so far and think you might as well continue, here's my take on the whole thing.
Every single person in your life is here to play a very specific role – as you are in their lives – and just because someone plays a supposed “negative” role in your life (in other words, annoys the crap out of you) doesn't mean that they will be playing that role in another person's life. So, try to grasp the idea that just because you dislike, disapprove, distrust a particular person, it doesn't always follow that they are a dislikeable, disrespectful, untrustworthy influence in someone else's life...even if that someone else is someone you are very close to. You've just got to accept that, for now at least, if they are a part of that person's life, then there's a reason – you might never know what that reason is because these are their lessons, their stuff and you've got no right to interfere. You've just got to let them get on with it.
Equally, you should never feel bad or guilty or pressured into tolerating someone in your life that you know is a negative or harmful influence to you. Your intuition and your emotions are the only things you can rely on here – not other people's opinions – and if you strongly sense that you are being affected in a bad way, or that a particular person/set of people are no longer in harmony with your current beliefs and intentions, then the gentlest way forward is to, quite simply, make them invisible to you!! Here's how...
First of all, it's important to take some quiet time, preferably meditate on the situation as whilst emotions are key to opening us up to how we truly feel, the problem with them is that they can get a bit carried away with themselves and get all out of control in our heads if we don't pay attention. So, sit quietly, accept your feelings and emotions and then ask for guidance...from whoever feels right to you; God/dess, the Tao, Spirit, the Universe, the Angels, the Faeries, the Source of All That Is...whoever. State your intention that, if it is truly for the greater good of all concerned, such-and-such a person(s) be released with love and gratitude from your life. This proviso of only if it is truly for the greater good of all concerned is hugely important, just in case you have let your emotions run amock and made some judgemental mountain out of a molehill rash decision that you will come to regret later.
I've used this technique a lot and it really is very powerful. There have been a couple of occasions when the people involved remained dominant in my life and I had to accept that it was my ego lashing out in a kind of how dare you tantrum over what turned out to be something and nothing, and I'm glad that we could find a resolution. However, on the times when certain people clearly were having a toxic effect on my life and were not to be trusted, it was almost as though Spirit had been waiting for the call. Immediately, these people vanished from my life. Poof. Gone. Obviously, they are still around living their lives, but I quite literally never see them. Now, this is a small island and I even live in the same town as some of my vanishees so you would expect the occasional “bumping into” wouldn't you? But no. Not even once.
So when this happens, you know without a doubt that you are on track. You just have to trust the process; if they stick around, there is a positive reason for that, if they disappear then that was the most positive outcome for all of you at that time.
But what is important to stress here...and I mentioned this earlier...is that this in no way means that these people are inherently “bad” - they just no longer play a positive part in your life, and they need to be released in order to make room for new people coming in who are more in alignment with you. So, don't view this technique as an “up yours” vengeful type of exercise because it's not. Be grateful for it, and be grateful for the people you've released.
And no matter what they've “done” to you, or however much they've upset you in the past, once this gentle release is activated, in order to keep it going, and to keep you protected from those energies you no longer choose to attract into your life, practice sending love and forgiveness to them on a regular basis. We're talking here forgiveness in the true sense of the word; not just letting people off the hook, or turning a blind eye to damaging behaviour, or tolerating abuse and disrespect from others because it's the easy option, or out of some misguided sense of duty. No, true forgiveness comes from the heart and releases you from negative patterns as well as those you are forgiving.
Remember, we're all one consciousness at the end of the day – it's just sometimes the human elements can clash – but it's all for a reason...if only to learn this technique and thus connect you closer to the Tao that guides and protects you always...and to remind you that whenever you need help with anything, all you need to do is ask and miracles and vanishing acts are just around the corner!